Lady Beckett
by zashaxander
Summary: Sir Richard Castle, a wealthy and successful writer in 19th Century England, does everything to please his wonderful daughter Alexis. So when she wants to go to London to meet the infamous crimestopper Lady Beckett, his love, combined with his writer's curiosity, make him powerless to refuse. But who, really, is this Lady Beckett that the Castles are so desperate to meet?
1. Chapter 1

1

The silence was dangerous, deadly, almost. Richard listened to it hungrily, drinking in every rustle, every breath of air, every whisper, coming out of the black of the forest.

"You shouldn't be here," muttered a voice in his ear.

He didn't need to look to know who it was; he also didn't need to look to know they had a dagger pressed into his back.

"Go back to bed, Alexis," he said calmly, his voice amused more than anything else. His teenage daughter groaned.

"Why do you never take me seriously?" she moaned. "I wish I'd been born a boy."

He turned to her, his smile wiped from his face. "I do take you seriously. It's only because we're so rich that I've gotten away with teaching you so much and allowing you to behave the way you do. And I am _very _happy that you're a girl. I might have taught you how to fence, but the thought of you fighting in wars... it chills me to my soul."

"I want to fight. I'd do better than any boy."

"And when they'd killed all the boys they'd kill you."

"Not if I killed them first."

"Look, we've had this conversation. And it's time for you to sleep – you have to go to the sewing group in the morning."

"Sewing. Wonderful..." Alexis said sarcastically. "I want to meet Kate Beckett."

"Kate who?"

"Kate Beckett. A girl at that place they laughingly call a school told me about her."

"Ruby?"

"So what if it was Ruby?"

"Nothing. Sorry. Go on, tell me about Kate Beckett."

He walked with her through their estate. He had been hunting – he liked to do it the old fashioned way, with a bow. He'd taught his daughter all the tricks – archery, dagger throwing, fencing... he'd even taught her how to fire a gun, but he'd been reluctant. He didn't like guns. He was the best shot in the county, but he still didn't like them.

He watched his daughter, her long red hair in a braid down her back. She was wearing trousers and a loose linen shirt, both cast offs of one of the stable boys. Fifteen years old. Soon she ought to be thinking about getting married, but Richard just couldn't bear the idea. She could wait. Girls were waiting longer now. He grinned at the thought of suggesting to Alexis that she go to a ball.

"...the story is she's a ruthless hunter. She catches murderers and criminals and takes them to London, to the gaol. She never kills them, but she fights them and she _always _wins. She can hunt anybody, too. The police get her to help them all the time, she keeps the streets safe at night."

"If she's in London, how will you meet her?"

Alexis smiled. Richard frowned. It was her 'idea' smile.

"We have to go to London," Alexis said happily. "For you to present me at court."

"But you hate London," Richard said helplessly. "You love living in the country, you love the freedom... You can live by your own rules here, you don't have to conform. It's different in London."

"I can do it. I'll have to eventually."

Richard nodded sadly. "I'm sure you'll be wonderful at it. But are you sure you want to go? No more night time hunting? No more-"

"It's only for the season, Dad. I think _you _don't want to go."

Richard chuckled. "You see right through me. You do realise we'll have to live with your grandmother? She's staying in the town house."

"I like Grams. She's funny."

"In small doses only!"

"Don't be cruel. She's your mother."

"And I love her dearly." He sighed. "I suppose we have to go soon?"

"The end of the week."

"It's Thursday already!"

"Fine. Monday. But we have to go, or we'll miss the start of the season."

"And once we're _in _London, how do you propose to find this Beckett woman?"

"_Lady_ Beckett. And she's at court. Ruby said-"

"If this is all based on what Ruby said-" Richard began warningly but Alexis cut him off.

"Ruby said that she's sometimes there but I didn't believe it so I spoke to Johnson and he told me she is a real person and she's so fantastic her presence is often _requested _by the king."

Rick laughed. "He used those words?"

"Well, no. He actually said, I know of her. Waste of space if you ask me but the king sometimes asks for her."

"She must be beautiful, then," Rick said, winking. Alexis swatted him.

"The king can't be as shallow as you make him out to be."

"Oh, he is, my dear. You'll see. You'll meet him. I hope he doesn't like you."

"You don't want anyone to like me."

Richard pulled her into a hug. "Only because I want to keep you all to myself."

They had reached the house – although castle was a better description. Alexis took off her muddy boots and put them just inside the kitchen door; Rick did the same and they made their way to the larder, both after the same thing.

"Cook'll go crazy if she finds out," Alexis giggled as Richard took down an apple pie. He poured a small glass of wine for Alexis and a large one for himself. Alexis sipped politely but made a face.

"People really drink this for fun?"

Richard raised an eyebrow. "I know... You'd better get used to it, Pumpkin. If you're to be a lady in London you'll have to sip wine as though you've never tasted anything better."

"Lady Beckett doesn't drink."

"I'll believe that when I see it. And anyway, you are _not _Lady Beckett."

"One day..." Alexis mused. Richard laughed.

"When we're in London can I have a tutor?"

"I should think so. In what?"

"Natural science."

Richard was surprised. "I thought you meant in pianoforte. Why do you want to learn about natural science? Wait, don't tell me. Something to do with Lady Beckett?"

Alexis smiled. "Maybe. I wouldn't mind learning pianoforte as well."

"She behaves as though I'm made of money... actually I might as well be. Of course you can learn pianoforte, Lex. And you'll need clothes as well."

Alexis sighed. "That's my least favourite part."

"We'll get some fancy London dressmakers to come to the house when we get there and put together some things you'll like. You might have to practise wearing a corset."

"Corsets are the most idiotic invention in the history of the world."

"I couldn't agree more."

"I bet Lady Beckett doesn't wear one."

"She will when she's at court."

"I'm never getting married."

It was a slight change of subject but Richard could easily follow her train of thought.

"Good."

"I'm so glad you're my father. Ruby's wants to disown her."

They finished their food and went upstairs, lowering their voices unnecessarily. The servants slept either on the fourth floor or in houses elsewhere on the grounds. Richard and Alexis were effectively alone in the house.

"Will you still be going to the sewing group in the village tomorrow morning?"

Alexis sighed. "I think I have to, to keep Ruby company."

"Ruby's going?"

"Her father thinks it might turn her into more of a lady."

"I should tell him not to bother, then. It's done nothing for you."

Alexis laughed as they entered her room. She flopped down on the bed.

"Do you want a carriage?" her father asked.

"I think I'll ride," she said. Richard chuckled.

"You'll do no such thing. The Misses Gibson would have heart attacks!"

"I'll walk then."

"Seven miles to the village?"

"I'm a good walker. And I could take a short cut."

"You'd get covered in mud."

"So when you said did I want the carriage, what you meant was, I'm taking it?"

Richard smiled. "I'm sorry, sweetheart."

"It's alright. I'm going to have to get used to following a lot of stupid rules imposed on me by an unfair society. Might as well start now."

"We can go riding in the afternoon."

Alexis sat up and grinned. "You're not busy with a meeting or something?"

"Nothing I can't weasel my way out of. Anyway, if we're going to London there'll be plenty of people to meet there."

"We'll meet people who've read your novels and poetry. And I'll be able to read the magazine with your story in it."

"You're not reading it."

"You won't be able to stop me. In London people can do anything."

Richard laughed. "Yes, and the streets are paved with gold. I think it's time for bed."

Alexis lay back down. "I'm in bed. You're the one keeping me up."

Richard laughed again. He loved his daughter more with every second he spent with her. "Goodnight, Alexis."

"Goodnight, Father," she said, stressing the 'proper' name for the man she liked to call 'Dad'.

…

Alexis drooped with fatigue and boredom as the younger Miss Gibson once again highlighted the virtues of the invisible stitch. Of the seven girls there, only one was listening intently. Alexis was listening to more of Ruby's stories about Lady Beckett – who they had discussed so frequently, she was now known fondly as 'Kate'.

"It was last winter," Ruby whispered. "Kate was waiting, it was the middle of the night. She was dressed all in black..."

The other girls, and the other Miss Gibson, were soon just as enthralled by the story as Alexis.

"She always wears black for camouflage, and she doesn't wear dresses either, or corsets."

Alexis knew she was frowned on because she still favoured more childish dresses over ones which required those powerful instruments of torture.

"She was carrying her favourite sword, a light blade named 'Javi'. Maybe it's called that because it chops people in half! Anyway, she was waiting for a particularly nasty murderer who had so far killed three night watchmen and one innocent young lady on the way home from a dance. She'd set up a perfect trap – a young woman and her escort were leaving a small party alone. The streets were dark, the night was cold, there was ice in the air... Kate didn't shiver no matter how cold she was. She was silent as the grave, so as to not give away her position..."

Alexis thought it sounded like something from one of her father's less respected stories, except a hundred times better because it was real. She hoped more than anything that Lady Beckett was real too. Maybe she wanted an apprentice?

"If she does, I'm sure you'd be her first choice," her father said when she told him on their riding trip that afternoon.

"Would you let me?"

Richard thought about it. There wasn't much he denied his daughter. She was intelligent, sensible, and far more inclined to do the right thing than he was. Except when it came to following 'stupid' rules of society. Then again, he had great respect for her stance. He thought women were treated very unfairly. Alexis was only educated because she was the daughter of Sir Richard Castle. If she'd been born into a different family... well, she would probably not have been such a free thinker – and if she had been, she would have ended up like poor Ruby, forced to live in a world she hated.

Ruby would live with her disapproving father until she married. Richard hoped for a forward thinking young man who would take a shine to the sparky young girl with a fondness for stories. He liked the girl. She had even read some of his books.

"Our house has a stupid name," Alexis said as they rode past the sign.

"Castle Manor? I know what you mean. But I couldn't change it if I wanted to. I think it's a joke, anyway."

"Either that or your ancestors were incredibly stupid."

Richard laughed. "Actually, on second thought I might have to go with stupid. We _know _my father was."

"He might just have been unlucky."

"He was unlucky to lose the duel. He was stupid to be in it in the first place."

"Is his reputation hard to live with?"

Richard thought about it. "It would have been harder if he hadn't been so rich. When I was young, a little. My mother is not exactly stable – though I'm certain she never loved him, she needed support from someone. And then when I almost doubled his wealth with the sale of my first series of novels I earned back the respect he lost. I was even knighted."

"If the king only likes pretty women, why does he like you?"

Richard grinned. "Because I know, and write about, a lot of pretty women."

Alexis laughed, but her laughter faded quickly.

"Do you miss your father?"

"He was a drunk who died before I turned five. I knew him as a shouting monster with hard hands and harder fists, who made my mother cry. I was glad when he died. It sounds awful but it's true."

"I'm sorry. I mean... I'm so lucky to have you for a father."

"I'm luckier to have you for a daughter. I just wish you could have had a mother."

"I don't," Alexis said. "I mean, sometimes I want one. But I have you. You're better. And a mother would probably have made me do far more of the things I hate doing."

Richard laughed. "Your mother might have. But she was lovely. And a laugh."

"Do you miss her?"

"Yes. Very much. But... It probably wouldn't have worked. We were both very young and naïve, when we got married it was mostly because..." he trailed off, realising this was not an appropriate topic. Alexis smiled knowingly. Richard laughed.

"Has Ruby been explaining some other things to you?"

"Actually I asked Johnson about it when I was eight and the horse was having a foal. But I don't really understand."

"You will. But this is where we end the subject."

"I have to learn how to dance!" Alexis said suddenly. They were almost at the stable. Once they were inside Richard lifted up his daughter and whirled her around; she was slight and he was strong.

"I'll teach you how to dance," he said. "We'll have to sing, though. I don't think even _I _can get a band at such short notice."

…

"It's a bit like fencing," Alexis said as she went through the steps. As with anything she tried, she had quickly taken to dancing, mastering each movement sometimes with just one attempt.

"In what way?" Richard asked her.

"You have to step around the other person, and your feet have to follow certain rules."

Richard smiled. It was a sensible connection when you thought about it.

It was Sunday afternoon; their things were all packed and the house had been thoroughly cleaned and emptied of anything they might want. Their furniture was covered with dust sheets and Alexis had suggested that the drawing room be redecorated while they were gone. Everything was ready-

-Everything but Alexis.

They sat together in their small dining room; it had a cosy fireplace and was infinitely preferable to the long, chilly dining hall that was only used for dinner parties. Alexis picked at her roast pork.

"I... Do you think I'll be able to find Lady Beckett?"

"Don't be nervous, Pumpkin. It's a good time to present you at court anyway. I've written to your grandmother; she's expecting us. When we're at court I'll talk to the king and if he knows of her, he'll tell me where you can meet her. If she's as interesting as the stories suggest, it's almost inevitable that you'll meet her. London may be large, but our circle isn't."

Alexis frowned. "It's very unfair. That some people are so rich and they're the only ones that seem to matter."

Richard patted her hand. "It is unfair. But things are changing. Revolution is coming – I'm spending a lot of money on firstly making sure that revolution is peaceful, at least in this country, and also to help those less fortunate than we are."

"If only everyone were like you," Alexis mused. Richard snorted.

"I'm not perfect. I'm rash, impulsive, flightly, selfish, and also very wealthy. Most of what I do is motivated by keeping you safe and keeping us happy."

Alexis smiled. "You're a liar."

"If everyone were the same the world would be a boring place."

"I see what you mean. Do you... Do you think they'll like me at court?"

Richard pulled his worried daughter onto his lap. "They'll love you, Alexis. It's impossible not to. I expect by Christmas you'll be fighting off hordes of young people; women who want to be your friends, and men who want to be your husband."

"I wish Ruby could come."

"We'll be back in summer. Ruby will still be here. And you can write to each other."

Alexis leaned against her father's chest. She cheered up after a few moments and once her excitement had begun to rise there was no stopping it. She jumped up, a huge grin on her face.

"I'm going to London!" she said. Richard stood up and she threw her arms around his neck. "I'm going to London with the best father in the world."

As she lay in bed that night she repeated it over and over again, not quite believing it. _I'm going to London, I'm going to London, I'm going to London – and I'm going to meet Lady Beckett!_

* * *

A/N: I haven't seen anything like this before, it's set in 'olden days' England. I haven't specified exactly when because it's not at a 'real' time – I'm not going to make it too historical and use the real king etc. I really hope you liked it because it was a lot of fun to write. Thank you very much for reading and please review! If I get lots straight away I might update again tonight! Much love, Z xxx


	2. Chapter 2

2

_The morning light was beginning too seep into the streets; she would have to disappear in a few minutes. She sighed. It had been a long night. A carriage clattered by and although she ducked into a doorway, she thought she saw a face peering through the grimy window. She grimaced. Another story to add to the masses of rumours about her. Sometimes having a reputation was good – but she was turning into more and more of a 'celebrity'..._

"Daddy, wake up! We have to go in an hour!"

Richard groaned. He had no idea how he had managed to raise such a punctual child. He untangled himself from the blankets and sat up in bed. Alexis was dressed in her preferred loose white shirt tucked into breeches. She had on her favourite leather riding boots and had tied her hair up on her head. Her father smiled.

"Are we just going to say you're a boy at the inn?"

Alexis grinned. "No. I have that cape Grandmother gave me for Christmas, and I'll wear a bonnet."

"So you _do _put thought into your clothes," her father teased. Alexis threw a pillow at him.

"Get up. You've missed breakfast."

"Cook's packed us something to eat on the journey, surely?"

"That's for later; you cant just eat it as soon as we've set off."

"Alexis, I'm your father. You do what _I _say."

Alexis grinned. "I would if I could. But face it, I brought you up. I'm in charge."

Richard shooed her from the room so he could dress; Alexis made sure there was nothing left in her room that she would need, tucking her dagger into the back of her breeches. She had heard enough stories about highwaymen to know there was at least a _chance _of encountering one.

_Fame had never been her desire. In fact, she wished for the opposite. Solitude, peace, and restitution. Restitution sounded more thought out, more detached, than revenge. It came to the same thing, really. She had left her old life, not that there had been much to leave by the time they were through with her family. _

_She liked to be alone. Well, mostly alone. She lived above a bookshop; she had the top two floors of the building. It was clean and well furnished, and she employed a live in maid who did a little cleaning for her in exchange to take night classes in medicine. Lanie was the only person who came close to being a friend..._

Alexis somehow managed to herd her father into the carriage before 9 o'clock, the time she had decided they should leave. She wrapped herself up in her cape and settled on the cushioned seat. She wished she could read on journeys but the jolting of the carriage gave her a headache if she tried to focus on a book. Her father, settled in a similar way on the seat opposite, entertained her by telling stories. He was a master at weaving plots on the spot; he could construct an elaborate crime thriller that lasted an entire day of travelling. He made it interactive, too, allowing Alexis to interview characters, and when they stopped to stretch their legs, they had a mock fencing duel, still in character.

To fit with her current fascination, Richard turned Alexis into a mysterious detective, who solved murders and caught killers, hunting them at night. The duel was an exciting tie. Johnson, who was driving, said he couldn't possibly pick a winner. Richard knew he could still beat his daughter if he tried, but it was getting harder and harder. Soon she would be more than a match for him.

The night at the inn was uneventful; Alexis struck up a conversation with one of the barmaids and was elated to hear that this girl, Bessie, knew of Katherine Beckett too.

"Don't cross her, Miss. I mean, M'lady."

Alexis smiled. "Alexis. Just call me Alexis. And how do you mean?"

"Well, what I heard is she's dangerous 'erself, M'la-Alexis. She stops 'em killers alright, but she stops 'em because she don't care about nothing or nobody. Even when she's at court, she stands by 'erself and only speaks wiv the king 'imself, or sometimes she'll dance wiv a brave young man but I feel sorry for the poor buggers."

Alexis' eyes widened encouragingly. "Why?"

Bessie leaned in closer to her; they were sitting at a table in the corner of the dining room.

"They say..." Bessie looked around and lowered her voice to a whisper. "They say she _eats _'em. She gets 'em up to 'er chambers an' once she's done wiv 'em she eats 'em up like one of them black widow spiders!"

Alexis managed not to laugh, keeping a terrified expression to match her new friends'.

"She sounds amazing," Alexis whispered.

"You jus' be carful, alright?" Bessie said. Alexis smiled.

"I will be. Thank you so much for talking to me."

"It was a pleasure, m-Alexis. I better go back to work now. Have a good time in London."

Alexis watched Bessie go and smiled across at her father, who came to take the seat the barmaid had been occupying.

"Have you made a friend?" he asked.

"She was very interesting. She was telling me about Lady Beckett – they call her the black widow!"

"As in, man eater?"

Alexis grinned. "Yes! She gets more interesting with every moment."

"Shouldn't this scare you?"

Alexis winked. "_I'm _not a man. You might not be safe though."

"_You could go out," Lanie suggested. _

_She shook her head. "No. These 'public appearances' are so tiresome."_

_"No one even knows who you are. There are dozens of women in London who might be the infamous Lady Beckett. Use a different name."_

"_It's not about my identity. I just don't enjoy the parties. Everyone is fake. I do not wish to join them."_

"_I think you're wasting your natural blessings."_

_She sighed and put her arm around her friend. "You can go out. This isn't America."_

"_They look at me like the slave girl I am."_

"_You're not a slave girl! You're free – I freed you. I shouldn't have had to, but there it is. You're free now and you can do whatever you want."_

"_That's nice of you to say, Miss, but it's not true."_

"_Lanie, do not call me Miss," she said warningly._

"_Sorry, M'Lady."_

_She laughed. "Lanie! We're equals."_

"_Maybe in your eyes, Miss, but I think it's better for everyone if I just stay your humble servant."_

"_You can be anything-"_

_"I don't want to be. Not any more."_

"_Oh, Lanie... If I could have saved him, if there was anything-"_

"_You didn't even know about him until it was too late. He fought to get me to you."_

"_And he will always be remembered."_

_Lanie smiled. "Now he's reincarnated as a blade stronger than steel."_

The second day's journey was duller than the first. The story ended, and Richard and Alexis were both sore, tired, and impatient to get into town. Alexis wanted a bath; Richard wanted a proper bed.

"We're too rich," Alexis commented.

"What do you mean?"

"We're used to things which are too nice. Most people would kill to ride in a carriage like this one, or even stay where we stayed last night. We can just ride to London if we want to – if we weren't rich, we'd have to get a coach or even _walk_!"

Richard smiled. "I see your point. We're very used to being comfortable. But I've worked to maintain our wealth, and it comes with responsibilities. I care for all my tenants and staff; I do many things to make sure my money is being used for good."

Alexis smiled. "I know. Just... some things are unfair. I'm very lucky."

"You're right. We both are. Being born with talent is lucky, as is being born with a name, or a pretty face. But the way we use our luck is what defines us."

Alexis nodded. Her father might be childish a lot of the time, but she knew he was thoughtful at heart.

It was already dark, well into Tuesday evening, when they finally arrived at the town house. Richard's mother, Martha, greeted them dramatically as she flung open the door, pushing the butler out of the way.

"My dears, my dears! It's so wonderful to see you both! But you're so late – I was sure something must have happened to you!"

Alexis grinned. She had missed her grandmother's enthusiasm; everything the older woman said was completely emphatic.

"You've grown so much," Martha said as she pulled the teenager into a hug. "But you still dress like a boy."

Richard laughed. "Not for much longer. She's going to be presented at court."

"Oh is she now? You did say so in your letter but I didn't dare believe it. Alexis, my darling, is it true? You're going to embrace a beautiful, feminine custom?"

"It's true," Alexis replied, managing to seem at least a little excited. Martha ushered them into the house, telling them they must sit in the drawing room; she had a fire made up and they could have something to eat.

"You're being quite the hostess," Richard commented. "Especially considering that this is our house, not yours."

Alexis made a face at her father. She was pleased that he had included her, she liked that it was their house, but she thought it was Martha's house too. She knew he was joking but sometimes his jokes were a little wearing.

They gathered around the fire in the drawing room and after sharing all the interesting titbits of news from Castle Manor that they could think of (which didn't take long), Alexis was free to ask her grandmother about Lady Beckett. Martha took great pride in knowing all the interesting gossip their circle in London had to offer, and as usual, she did not disappoint.

"I should have known," she tutted when Alexis brought up the woman. "She's just the type to peak your interest. Is that why you want to go to court? Because she is there?"

Alexis bit her lip. "Maybe," she said with a small smile. Martha patted her hand.

"That's all very well – and you might meet her. But you won't know it."

"What do you mean?"

"She keeps her 'formal' identity very secret."

"So she isn't really Lady Beckett?"

"No, dear, she _is _Lady Beckett. Poor child – young, still, and with a troubling history. But there is no Lady Beckett at court – Lady Beckett the _lady _hasn't been seen for almost nine years. She is a rumour, a whisper in the wind. And though the rumours say she is at court, and friendly with the king, there are a great many women of about the right age who are."

"But surely... I mean, there must be some way to tell? They can't all be ladies?"

"I doubt that any of them were _born _ladies, my sweet, but they are all ladies now."

Alexis sighed. "So even if I do meet her, I won't know it."

"Don't be so downhearted, child. There are dozens of equally fascinating people at court. Balls are wonderful for stories and making intriguing connections. That's why I attend so often."

Richard cut in at this point. "It's nothing to do with the free wine or friendly, rich gentlemen."

Martha laughed. "Absolutely, Richard. Nothing to do with that at all."

Alexis had to laugh a little, but she was very disappointed.

"What about her being the black widow?" she asked.

"Black widow?" Martha didn't recognise the name.

"She eats men," Alexis explained. Martha laughed.

"Ah, the spiders. She may well be a man eater, Alexis, but more than half the women at the parties we'll attend will be known as 'black widows'."

"She is real, though?"

"Certainly. But she keeps herself secret. No one knows where she lives or how she goes about anything; she deposits murderers outside the gaol. They are unconscious, and if they are not known criminals she leaves a letter explaining their crimes."

"But if she was a real lady, even nine years ago, wouldn't people know what she looked like?"

"She was a lady, but not a well known one. She was very young and her family very quiet. I don't know that they ever moved properly in our circles."

"So why is she in them now?"

Martha laughed. "I can only speculate, my dear. My suspicion is that she likes to catch criminals from all levels of society; the upper class ones are likely to be the worst. Balls, as well as fun, are excellent places for discovering things."

Alexis frowned and flopped back into her armchair. Her father winked at her.

"I've never known you back down so easily, Lex! It's a challenge, but you love challenges. And I know you love solving the mysteries in my books. Think of this as another mystery for you to solve."

Alexis still didn't smile, but she was getting closer. "You can be an investigator," Richard continued, "just like Lady Beckett. You can go to balls and parties and dinners, and find out everything you can until you work out what you need to know. I'll help you – I've always wanted to do some real detective work."

Alexis did laugh at this. "You just want to be Sherlock Holmes."

Richard grinned. "No I don't. He's insane. I want to be a _better _investigator. After all, I write about one."

_She lay down on her bed, looking at the books on the table beside it. 'Flowers for your Grave' by Richard Castle. Sir Richard Castle. She smiled. She liked his poetry too. She had heard he was coming to London, to present his daughter at court. The child couldn't be more than... fifteen? Then again, who was she to question? She had thought herself quite grown up at fifteen, too. _

_She wondered if she would meet him. It was likely; the ball on Friday was a must for anyone starting out. It would be the perfect place for him to introduce his child to everyone. Her included, she supposed. She would stay close to the king as she always did. It was safer. _

_She was not naturally shy, and at one point she had loved to dance more than anything else. But being outgoing attracted attention, and attention might risk her cover. No one could know who Lady Beckett pretended to be; Lady Beckett had to stay hidden. For her own safety, apart from anything else. _

* * *

A/N: Thanks for reading and for all the follows/reviews for chapter 1! Please keep reading and reviewing! In terms of my other stories, I will be updating them when I can. I know _Sierra _is due an update and I have started to write it so it should be up soon. Take care, love and hugs, Z xxx


	3. Chapter 3

3

"So tell me about her sad history," Alexis said as she loaded her plate with bacon. Her grandmother watched her.

"Are you sure you want to eat all that? You have a dress fitting later today."

Richard gave his mother a look. "Stop it, you'll give her an eating disorder."

"It's alright, Dad. Grams, I've already trained for two hours this morning. I'm hungry. And besides, I'd rather have dresses that fit me even when I'm full!"

Martha laughed. "Very well. And you're young, I suppose. You keep your figure no matter what."

Alexis smiled. "Will you tell be about Lady Beckett now?"

Richard caught his mother's eye.

"You see how she is when she gets hooked on something?"

"I do. It reminds me a lot of how you were at that age. And how you still are, in fact! Alexis, I'll tell you what I know, but bear in mind that I do not know the full story, and what I do know could be incorrect."

"That's fine, Grams. I'd just love to know whatever you can tell me."

"Very well. I suppose I should start with the Beckett family. James Beckett was the Lord of a small estate; nothing like the size of your father's-"

"Was?"

"I'll get to it, my dear."

"Sorry."

Martha patted her hand. "So, James Beckett. He married a beautiful woman named Johanna. Neither of them were well known in society, they kept themselves to themselves, but when they were seen, everyone said they were kind and polite. They were both interested in political ideology and knew the prime minister. It's rumoured that they were helping another with his campaign. They wanted to make the political system fairer and more equal. They had a daughter who they named Katherine. She was hardly seen at all; they wanted to keep her safe. They believed the wealthy end of society was the most dangerous. They were also keen to educate their daughter, which would not have been approved of.

The tragedy happened when Katherine was just nineteen. Her family had been paying one of its very rare visits to London. Johanna went missing. It was reported, and she was found, dead. Stabbed in a dark alleyway. The killer was never caught; the police put it down to random violence of beggars and thieves. In his grief, James Beckett turned to drink and let his estate go bankrupt. The land was all sold off; only the house remains and it is falling down. Katherine's story is harder to know about for sure. She disappeared and was never seen again; it is only recently that people have begun to say the lady who catches killers is this bereaved young girl."

Alexis' bacon lay on her plate; Alexis frowned as she looked at it.

"That's... sad."

Richard looked at his daughter. He too had thought the story was sad, but he just didn't _feel _the way she did. Her compassion was touching in itself. He slid his hand into hers.

"If you do find her, if she needs it, we'll help her."

And he found himself wanting to help this mystery woman not just for his daughter's sake, but for his own. Though he found Alexis' obsession slightly amusing, he was beginning to be caught up in it himself. The more he heard about Kate Beckett, the more curious about her he became.

The morning passed quickly and the dressmaker arrived. Richard went to hide in his office while Alexis was forced to think about clothes. He saw her mournful look but replied with one that said 'you brought this on yourself'.

Alexis winced as her body was forced into a corset. She hated these things with a passion. Martha frowned sympathetically as one of the maids did up the laces at the back. Finally it was on and Alexis swayed a little on the spot as she was measured for new dresses that would be delivered the next day. She picked out fabrics, with strict instruction from her grandmother. Martha knew everything there was to know about the latest fashions, and Alexis would be one well dressed young lady.

She also needed new shoes, new underwear, new nightgowns – Martha gasped when she saw the ragged shirts Alexis liked to wear in bed – new hats, ribbons, jewellery... Alexis tried to have fun and did manage to an extent. She concentrated on what it was all for. She would look at it as part of a mission. And she couldn't deny that she was a little excited about meeting the king.

"What's he like?" she asked Martha.

"You'd do better asking your father. They were similar, once. But your father grew up. The king didn't."

"You don't approve of him?"

"He has too much power and too little control. But he's a good man."

"King Stephen... Is he handsome?"

Martha laughed. "He's a little old for you dear."

"I wasn't thinking for me. I was just wondering. And a little thinking for-"

"Lady Beckett? Alexis, you don't even know if she really exists – in the way she's talked about. And you're matchmaking for her?"

"No... I don't know. I thought maybe she... It could make a good story."

"Now you're talking like your father."

"I wish it were Friday."

"Don't wish your life away, darling. Even a few days – every moment counts."

"I suppose..." Alexis said, absently picking at the corset as she thought about what her first ball would be like. She had been to plenty of parties and dances before; she knew how to behave in company. But she had never been to a real ball, she had never met anyone truly important. And on Friday she was going to meet the king.

…

Richard was forced to witness the fashion show of the next afternoon. The dresses were delivered and Alexis had to try on every single one. He had to admit he was impressed. His daughter might only be fifteen, and the dresses were just clothes, but they made him see her as a woman. She was beautiful. He was suddenly worried.

"Don't grow up too fast," he blurted out suddenly as she twirled around in a full skirted, pale blue dress that rustled when she moved. She whipped her head around to grin at him.

"I won't, Daddy. If you like I'll even keep a dagger tucked into my underwear."

Richard laughed loudly. Martha narrowed her eyes. "That will not be necessary. Richard, do _you _have clothes fit to be seen in public?"

Richard grinned. "No. But as soon as Lady Alexis here is finished parading around, she's going to put on something plainer and come with me into town, where I will deposit her in a bookshop while I visit my tailor."

Alexis smiled. "Are we going to-"

"Montgomery's? Of course, Lex. Do you really think I'd ever take you anywhere else?"

"I don't know what you see in that shop. It's gloomy and dusky, and there is nothing to do but browse endless huge volumes, some of which aren't even in English."

Richard winked at his daughter. "Alexis is fluent in French and German, is beginning to learn Russian, and can manage most Latin too. And we love Montgomery's. He sells my books."

"That does not tell me anything about him."

"It tells you he has good taste."

Martha waved her hand in a dismissive motion. "Alexis, is that the last dress?"

Alexis nodded, completely relieved.

"Very well. Go and get ready to go out with your father. And Alexis-" she added as Alexis hurried for the door.

"I expect to see you in something new and respectable. And a _hat_."

Alexis groaned, but knew she would have to obey. Richard got up from his seat in an armchair and went to get his own hat. Alexis was ready within half an hour and they got into the carriage. As always, Alexis looked out of the window, fascinated by the streets of the city she so rarely saw.

"It's not as nice as the countryside, is it?" her father asked.

"No. But it is more complicated. And busier. There are so many _people_. I'm worried we're going to run them over!"

"Don't worry. We have Johnson. He's an expert at crowd navigation. And our horses are second to none."

"If you say so. How do ladies ride in carriages?"

Richard chuckled. "They sit up straight and look straight ahead. They don't look out of the window because it's beneath them. Their back never touches the cushion."

"Then what's the cushion there for?"

Richard winked. "The gentlemen, of course."

Alexis rubbed at her stomach. "It's disgusting. Women seem to be born to suffer. I can hardly breathe in this thing."

Richard frowned. "I'm sorry. You look lovely, though."

"Thanks," Alexis said sarcastically. "They can write that on my gravestone when I suffocate."

The carriage stopped and Richard smiled at his daughter. "Do you need me to come in with you?"

Alexis shook her head.

"Well then. I'll see you in a few hours. Don't go anywhere else!"

Alexis nodded and smiled. "You can trust me."

Johnson opened the door for her and she stepped down onto the street, looking around. The carriage pulled away and she waved to her father with a white-gloved hand. She tried to take it all in. The people rushing around, the carriages, the rich and the poor... She turned and walked into the shop. Mr Montgomery bowed low when he saw her.

"Lady Alexis Castle! It has been far too long, my dear."

Alexis kissed him on the cheek.

"Mr Montgomery, it really has. It's so lovely to see you."

"The pleasure is all mine."

"Do you have anything for me?" Alexis asked with a little smile. Montgomery grinned and lead her through to another room. He pointed out a few shelves and told her to browse away and call him if she needed anything. She nodded, and began to look through the books.

After a few minutes, after checking to see she was alone, she carefully unpinned her hat and set it on a chair. She continued to look through the books, choosing one and wishing she could curl up on a windowsill with it but knowing her corset made this impossible. They were like straight jackets. Even more so because, as she began to realise, it was nearly impossible to take one off on your own.

"Would you like me to help you?" asked a mildly entertained voice from behind her. Alexis had been reaching round, trying to undo the hooks at the back of her dress. She spun around and looked at the speaker. A young woman, very beautiful. She wore a dark blue dress, obviously with a corset too. Alexis blushed.

"No, sorry, I... Sorry."

The woman smiled. "Don't be sorry. They're disgusting things, it took me years to get used to wearing them and even now I only wear them when I go out in public."

Alexis tried to smile. "I've never worn one for this long before. I... We don't live in London. I don't have to go out, at home."

"And you don't like going out?"

"I don't know. I like coming here. I like living at home. I haven't been _out _much."

The woman smiled again. "I should think you'll like it. Most girls do."

"I'm not like most girls."

"I see that. I'm terribly sorry, I never introduced myself. Sara Katayev."

Alexis returned her curtsey. "Alexis Castle. You're from Russia?"

"My parents were; I was born there but I barely remember it. We moved when I was three. Excuse me, are you... Lady Alexis Castle? Daughter of Sir Richard Castle?"

Alexis grinned. "Wow, he really is famous. I thought it was all just a game he plays. Yes, I am."

"It is a pleasure to meet you, my Lady."

"Call me Alexis, please. It's a pleasure to meet you too."

Kate looked at the book in Alexis' hand. It was a murder mystery, but not one she had read. She loved the genre, though. Lanie told her it was morbid, but she was curious... Curious about how people could do such things to each other.

"You like crime novels?" she asked. Alexis nodded.

"I know it's boring, since my father writes them, but I do. I like adventures as well, and gothic romances, although he doesn't know that."

"He shouldn't judge you. He writes them, too."

"You mean the magazine story? He won't let me read it."

Kate grinned. "I can see why."

Alexis suddenly looked at her. "Are you a Lady?"

"Why do you ask? Why should I be a Lady?"

"I don't know. I just... have a feeling."

"Then you have good instincts. Yes, I am."

"But you didn't tell me."

"It doesn't define me."

Alexis grinned. "My name and class don't define me either. I might be similar to my father, but I'm not just him. I'm me as well."

Kate nodded. "Our parents influence us, but we have to find ourselves without them."

"Are you going to the king's ball on Friday?" Alexis asked.

"I have to. The king has asked me to be there."

"Are you friends with him?"

"I do not think anyone could call themselves the king's 'friend'. But he often requests my presence at this kind of event, and we often talk. Are _you _going to the king's ball on Friday?"

Alexis bit her lip. "Yes. It'll be my first ball – my introduction at court."

"Then it will not be hard for me to find you. I hope we meet there."

"I hope so too. I can introduce you to my father, if you like."

"That would be nice, thank you. But you should know, I'm not just talking to you because of who your father is."

Alexis smiled. She had been a little afraid that her new friend was really just after her father. They began to talk more about books, and were occupied for hours discussing Sherlock Holmes, then other detectives.

Kate realised she would have to leave. She was sad – this young girl had made her feel more real than she had done in a long time.

"I'm going to have to leave you, Alexis. But I will see you on Friday. And if you ever want to call on me for tea, I am not hard to find. I live here."

"In the bookshop?"

Kate laughed. "Above the bookshop."

Alexis blushed. "Sorry. I wasn't really thinking."

"Don't worry."

"It must be wonderful to live here."

"It is. Now, I really must go."

"Sara?"

"Yes?"

"Thank you so much for talking to me. And not thinking I'm awful for wanting to loosen my corset off."

"Any time, darling. And I'm just impressed that you haven't loosened it."

"So I'll see you on Friday?"

"You will. Good day, Alexis."

"Good day, Sara."

Alexis watched the woman go and smiled. She had made a friend in London without even trying. She picked up a book that had just been recommended and spent the hour until her father returned happily reading it. He bought it for her when he arrived to pick her up.

"Did you have a good time?" he asked.

"Yes," she said enthusiastically. "I met a Russian Lady called Sara Katayev, and she's going to be at the ball on Friday."

"Oh, a friend already. I am impressed."

"She'll be your friend too. She reads your books."

"I like her even more," he said as they got into the carriage.

"And she lives above Montgomery's."

Richard grinned. "I always wondered who lived there – I knew someone did but he never told me. You are quite the detective."

"I didn't really do any detecting. She was just nice."

"Do you think she has a mysterious crime fighting alter ego?"

Alexis laughed. "No. I mean... I suppose there's no way to know for sure. But you could say that about anyone. She was too... too normal. Too friendly and nice. I think Lady Beckett would have to be stronger, harder somehow. I would know, if I saw her."

Richard winked. "I don't know. People can be very deceptive."

"It's not her, Dad. It couldn't be the first woman I met in London."

"Yes it could. Come on, Lex. Why shouldn't it be her?"

Alexis laughed. "Well, it might be. Tell you what. When I see her on Friday I'll ask."

"No!"

"What?"

"You can't ask. That would ruin it all. Not knowing is wonderful. It's the best part."

"You were just persuading me that it could be her. Now you don't want me to know. Make up your mind."

"Be nicer. I just bought you a book."

Alexis laughed and went to sit beside her father.

"I'm glad we came. Even if I don't meet Lady Beckett."

"If you're glad, then so am I," her father replied with a smile, putting his arm around her.


	4. Chapter 4

4

Kate walked upstairs to her rooms with mixed feelings. Looking around her mildly eccentrically decorated parlor, she wondered if it had been completely unethical to make friends with the young girl in the shop. It had nothing to do with who the girl's father was; she would have talked to her anyway. The sight of a lady struggling with a corset warmed Kate's heart and reminded her strongly of herself.

Alexis Castle had been sweet, intelligent, and politely curious. She was also interesting. For the first time in a long time, Kate realised that she missed knowing these kinds of people. When she was at court, she largely remained with the king, and when she did venture to speak to other people she almost always regretted it. They were most often self absorbed and patronising, believing their inherited wealth somehow made them clever and respectable, even if their behaviour and conversation told a different story.

She sighed. Lanie was a true friend. But Lanie could not come with her to balls and dinner parties. Even if it had been socially acceptable, Kate didn't think Lanie would have come. Lanie was grieving and would be for years to come.

Alexis was more than ten years her junior, but this was not of great consequence. She looked younger than her true age; Alexis looked older. Kate found herself getting quite excited about the ball on Friday. The king's ball... Kate was fond of Stephen. He was childish and could be very foolish, but he had a good heart, which could not be said for many of his predecessors. He had three children, a boy followed by two girls, but his wife had died and he had no desire to remarry, contenting himself with affairs with various 'ladies' that he introduced at court.

Sara Katayev was actually one of those ladies. It hadn't been difficult to make enough connections for her cover story to be believable and backed up, but she had not expected the king to take such an interest in her. She had wanted to be able to investigate things at court without arousing suspicion; instead, she was summoned there when there was nothing to investigate. Her rank was very useful when she needed to obtain information, and her relationship with the king meant that if she ever needed a favour, he would probably help her.

It wasn't certain, though. Kate would have to do just one thing to be guaranteed his support – but it was not something she was prepared to do. It wasn't about marriage, or even about sleeping with someone that she did not love. It was about sleeping with someone that she didn't want to sleep with, and that was something she wasn't prepared to do. She wasn't attracted to the king; she would not sell her body. In her eyes this would make her worse than a whore from a brothel, because it would be more dishonest. She knew and respected several 'ladies of the night', but an affair with the king would be one huge lie. He would pretend he cared about her for more than her body and she would be forced to do the same.

She also had a feeling that the 'magic' would be gone if he ever managed to woo her. King Stephen seemed to enjoy the chase more than anything else. He liked having Kate around as a decoration, someone to talk to, and someone to play his affection games with. Sometimes he would send her flowers or gifts; Montgomery found this very amusing.

Even this kind old man, whom she considered to be a dear old friend, did not know her true identity. Lanie was the only soul in the world who knew Kate Beckett, and Kate hoped it would stay that way.

Lanie watched her as she prepared for the night. She removed her dress and changed into a black shirt and long, tight black trousers. She put on black riding boots and a black thing that looked like a corset and went over her shirt, but was really body armour. She put on a belt and attached her weapons, tied her hair up into a tight bun, and finally, put on a black mask that covered the top half of her face.

"I wish you wouldn't go," Lanie said sadly, knowing there was no way to change her mistress' mind. Kate smiled gently.

"I'll be fine. I shouldn't be back too late; by four, I think. I know who I'm after. He should be caught by midnight. And then I'll just watch the high risk places for a while."

"But that watching shouldn't fall to you. The police should do it!"

"What should happen and what happens in the real world are two very different things. And you know that already."

"You take too much on yourself," Lanie said, taking her friend's hand.

"I do what has to be done," Kate replied quietly. She looked outside. It was almost dark. The window of the bathroom opened onto the roof of a neighbouring house; she slipped away into the dusk.

…

Friday came both too slowly and too quickly for Alexis. Too slowly because she was impatient to see the king, her new friend, and everything else. Too quickly because she was suddenly afraid that she wasn't a good enough dancer, and didn't know enough interesting things to talk about.

She spent hours getting ready. To her amusement, her father took a long time as well, and finally appeared from his room looking very dapper. Alexis wore the pale blue dress and a sliver necklace. Her hair was styled in elegant ringlets around her face; she was even wearing powder and lipstick. She went to straighten her father's cravat.

"You look beautiful," he told her.

"Thank you. You look good too," she said. "Who are you trying to impress?"

Martha appeared, in a gown that practically shone. It was an eye catching pink, certain to attract attention.

"Anyone. Poor Richard needs a lady friend," she said with a laugh. Richard picked up his daughter and spun her around in the air.

"No I don't. I have you."

Alexis made a face. "That's just strange, Daddy."

Martha grinned at them.

"I've missed having you two around. But we should go. We'll be late."

Richard pretended to gasp. "We'd better hurry, Lex. If my _mother _is telling us we'll be late it must be very bad!"

A maid handed Alexis her fur lined cape; though it was just September, the evening was cool and she was grateful of the cape's warmth. Richard put on his top hat with a cheeky smile, leaving it at a quirky angle. Martha tutted and pushed it straight. He held out his arms for his two 'best girls' and they walked out to the carriage. Johnson smiled down at them and Jeffreys, his assistant, jumped down to pull out the step and open the carriage door.

…

Kate looked at her dresses. Lanie looked at them with her.

"The red one," Lanie said firmly. Kate examined the dress. It was daring for her – it sat very low, which was the fashion, and accentuated her striking collar bone. It was a deep, blood red silk, and it had a very unusual black lace trim; she wore it with a large ruby pendant and long black gloves. It would be perfect for tonight. She didn't know why, but she had a feeling... something was going to happen. Something important.

Lanie did her hair, putting most of it up but letting some fall down almost to her shoulders in gentle curls. She put on the right amount of powder, rouged her lips, and used a black pencil to accentuate her eyes and lashes.

She strongly believed that the fashion of dresses was absurd, but the contraption which kept her skirt ballooning out from her waist at least meant she had ample space to hide a dagger. Lanie laughed when she tucked it into the holster she had sewn into her underwear.

"Are you ever _not _thinking about fighting?"

Kate considered this while raising one eyebrow. "Sometimes I think about other things at the same time," she said, her teasing betrayed by a twitch at the corner of her mouth.

"Have a wonderful time," Lanie said.

"I doubt that I will. But I'll try. Don't wait up," she instructed. Lanie made a face.

"I'll try to sleep. But you'll need me to help you undress."

"I could bring home a young man to help me," Kate joked. Lanie tutted.

"That would be funnier if you _hadn't _done it before. Will we be seeing Joshua again, by the way?"

"It's possible," Kate said with a small smile. Josh Davidson was a handsome young doctor who had been invited to some of the summer events. She had liked him. He had liked her. They had both needed someone; it seemed to make sense. She knew it wasn't _going _anywhere though. Not that she wanted a relationship that _was _going anywhere. She just... She wasn't sure if she should be with Josh. Was she just using him? She let that thought disappear. If she was using him, he was using her just as much. He wasn't often around, anyway. He was always busy saving lives and discovering wonderful new treatments – the moments they spent together were now few and far between.

Lanie looked out of the window. "Your carriage is here," she said, turning to hand Kate her black cape.

Kate walked downstairs, gave Lanie a kiss on the cheek, and walked out of the door, stepping into her carriage. For once, she was looking forward to the evening. She hoped she would see Alexis.

…

"Sir Richard, Lady Martha, and Lady Alexis Castle," the doorman announced as they stepped into the ballroom. The king beckoned Richard over immediately. He kept Alexis' arm firmly linked with his; she watched the ballroom whirl past her in a blur of colour and light.

When they reached the king's chair Richard let go of his daughter's arm and bowed low. Alexis dropped into a low curtsey, but the king stood up and took her hand, kissing it as he pulled her gently back to a standing position.

"It is a pleasure to finally meet you, Lady Alexis," he said smoothly.

"Thank you, your Majesty."

The king smiled. "Call me Stephen. Your father does. Or Steve. Ricky, you didn't tell me your daughter was so beautiful!"

"Do you blame me?" Richard asked with a chuckle.

"Do not worry. My intentions towards her are pure. My lady, would you do me the honour of a dance?"

Alexis looked at her father; he nodded. Stephen lead her to the head of a set that was assembling for a dance which thankfully, Alexis knew. Richard watched her with a smile on his face. He spotted his mother by the punch bowl, then looked back at his daughter.

"She does look lovely," said a voice behind him. "I'm sorry," Kate continued. "We haven't been introduced. I met your daughter in Montgomery's. I'm Sara Katayev." She curtseyed and he bowed back.

"Richard Castle." He took her gloved hand and kissed it. She felt a flutter in her stomach but put it down to not having eaten anything that evening. He was very handsome.

Richard found that his eyes were quite easily drawn from his daughter now that this... whatever she was, was in front of him. She was... His breath caught in his throat as he tried to introduce himself politely. He didn't think she noticed.

She wore read. It contrasted perfectly with her creamy white skin. Her lips were red too, and once he had looked at them he found it hard to look anywhere else for what seemed like an eternity. And when his eyes moved from her lips they were only trapped by something else – her eyes, her neck, her shoulders, that tantalising collar bone that was like no other.

Say something. Say something!

"So you met Alexis at Montgomery's; I take it you like to read?"

"Very much. And the crime genre in particular."

Kate concentrated on the pinching of her corset, trying to force herself back to reality. He was so... Those eyes, piercing blue, like sapphires boring into her soul. If she wasn't careful she'd be confessing to being a huge fan in a minute.

"A competitive genre indeed," Richard said. "Do you have a favourite detective?"

"I know it's predictable, but Sherlock Holmes. Though I don't know that I'd like to meet him for real."

"He is a little insane. Do you read anything else?"

"I read almost everything else. I live above a bookshop; I have plenty of opportunity."

"Ah, you're one of those modern women."

"If modern means independent. I could live somewhere else. The king has offered more than once. But I like where I live."

"I should think you would. I'd like to live at Montgomery's too."

Kate laughed. "There might not be room for both of us."

Richard tried not to blush and hurriedly changed the subject.

"Would you like to dance?"

Kate paused. If it had been anyone else she would have said no in an instant. But she wanted to dance. Couples were beginning to line up for another set and on impulse, she took Richard's offered hand, partly down to her desire to feel the electric tingle his touch gave her.

They moved exquisitely together; both graceful and neat. They didn't try to talk; their eye contact was enough to attract some attention from the surrounding couples already. Richard suddenly smiled; his winning, genuine grin rather than a nervous arrangement of his mouth.

"What is it?" Kate couldn't help but ask.

"I am dancing with the most beautiful woman in this room."

Kate laughed. "Thank you, you flatter me."

"I don't mean to flatter. I'm smiling because it's true. There's..."

He stopped himself. Again, she raised her eyebrows in a question.

"There's something about you, Sara," he said, thinking it sounded rather limp now. Kate wondered what to say in return. That he made her feel alive when she had been so sure that she was dead inside? That just the _thought _of his mouth made her heart quicken, let alone the thought of his mouth on hers? That his eyes made her forget to breathe?

The dance continued and their conversation ended, since Kate had been unable to think of a reply. Alexis watched them; she was now standing at the king's side, talking to him about sword fighting.

"I think your father has found a new friend," Stephen said when he followed her eyes. "He always did like to steal my women."

Alexis laughed. "If she is yours, he will not try to steal her – and even if her were such a man, she would not allow it."

"How do you know? Have you met her?"

"She is Lady Sara Katayev. We're friends."

"Then we have another thing in common. And you are right, my lady, she is not really mine. She looks good with your father, I think."

Alexis narrowed her eyes. She had never been keen on her father's rare relationships with other women. These new 'friends' never seemed to like her or really be interested in her. But Sara was different. She didn't think she would mind _that _much if Sara were to become part of her father's life. She would still prefer it not to happen, though. It would inevitably be complicated, and have a complicated end.

"They dance well together," she replied eventually. Stephen laughed.

"You're more protective of your father than he is of you. Don't look so glum. If Sara is your friend you must like her. Do you want her all to yourself?"

Alexis smiled and shook her head. "I suppose not. I just..."

"The way they are looking at each other does make every other person in the room feel slightly obsolete."

Alexis couldn't help but laugh.

The dance ended and Kate happily walked with Richard back to the king's seat. Alexis smiled widely when her new friend made eye contact with her; Kate reluctantly tore herself away from Richard to pay attention to the younger Castle. She liked Alexis, she had been looking forward to talking with her. Stephen, helpful for once, took Richard away to go and meet some businessman or other, and Kate was left with less to distract her.

"So you met my father," Alexis commented.

"I did. He seems very nice."

"I think so. You looked so beautiful, when you were dancing."

Kate laughed. "Smoke and mirrors. The dress hides all my mistakes. So – you've met the king now. What do you think of him?"

"He's funny. He's not at all how I thought a king would be. I like him. He's a bit like my father."

Kate winked. "But not as clever, as handsome, as sensible, as hard-working, or as witty," she teased.

"I have to think my father is the best."

"That is the role of a good daughter. Would you like me to introduce you to some more young ladies?"

Alexis made a face. Kate laughed. "I know how you feel. But the acquaintances will be useful in the days to come. And some of them are actually fairly good company."

Alexis sighed, but offered her arm to Kate and walked with her to meet the other women. Kate caught sight of Richard in a corner with Stephen; his back was to her and she admired the way his- She tugged herself back to Alexis and the introductions. She couldn't decide if the evening was going very well or very badly – because she couldn't decide if meeting Sir Richard Castle had been a very good thing, or a very bad thing.

* * *

A/N: I hope you liked it, please review!


	5. Chapter 5

5

Richard listened to Stephen's ramblings about all the problems his friend had been forced to deal with as king. Richard felt sorry for the man; he hadn't expected to be anywhere near the throne, having two older brothers. But that was life. He wasn't a bad king... he wasn't particularly good, but he meant well.

Richard looked across the room at Sara. She was introducing Alexis to some other young ladies. He recognised most of them; they were the daughters of various Lords and politicians. He hoped she would make some friends; at least she would have Sara, anyway. He looked around the room at the respectable, well dressed women and wondered if one of them was Lady Beckett. None of them popped, though. The only woman in the room that popped for him was Sara, and that was nothing to do with any Lady Beckett. That was just... _her. _He took a shuddering breath and Stephen laughed.

"You can't be falling for her already? I have to warn you, Ricky. She's a tease."

Rick grinned. "That's how I like them best."

"I know what you mean. Although, I do like winning them eventually."

"Winning? Are you suggesting competition? Steve, I would never take something that was yours-" he added sadly, knowing he had to say it.

"She's not mine. I just want her to be. And now you want her to be yours," Stephen said with a laugh. "To be honest, there's something about the way she looks at you... But I _am _her king. So perhaps the fight is still fair."

Richard made a face. The last thing he wanted to do was fight over Sara, treating her the way the king treated other woman. He had never treated the 'fairer sex' that way and he didn't plan to start now.

"I don't want to fight over her. Some of your games I can abide. But she's a lady and she deserves respect."

Stephen shook his head with a smile. "I forgot you were such a _good _man, Rick. But, fine. You don't have to join in with my games. I'm sure they won't affect you. But I'm still going to keep her around."

Richard sighed. Stephen would do what he wanted. He always had.

"She's just so pretty," Stephen continued. "I love to _look _at her, even. Quite hypnotic."

Richard nodded grudgingly, though he didn't believe for a second that Stephen felt even a fraction of what he felt when he looked at Sara. As if she had felt herself being discussed, the lady in question began to move across the room towards them.

Kate left Alexis with Paige, an American girl, daughter of a very rich industrialist. They seemed to hit it off and Kate had been beginning to feel a little old for the conversation, so allowed herself to follow the magnetic pull from the writer on the other side of the room.

She knew he was watching her as she walked over. She had been watching him too; she couldn't deny it. And she didn't think she could deny herself for much longer. As soon as she was close enough Richard caught her eye and soon her hand was in his.

"Would you care for a dance, Lady Katayev?"

She smiled. "I'd love one," she replied. She liked the way he said her 'name'. Alexis had mentioned that she was learning Russian; maybe she was learning it from her father? They moved across the dance floor as before, caught up in each other, barely noticing anyone else. Stephen sighed and began to talk to another of the ladies he had collected around him.

Kate loved that the hands on her waist had created Derrick Storm, the favourite detective she had not told Sir Richard about. His eyes pierced her as he refused to look away. It was almost a contest – who would break first. Kate knew it wouldn't be her; Richard was equally sure he could stare this woman down for an eternity.

"Would you like to come to our house for dinner tomorrow evening?" he asked suddenly. Kate was taken by surprise, but quickly recovered.

"Uh.. Yes, that would be nice," she answered.

"You'll meet my mother," Richard said, amused. "Although you'll probably like her."

"Why wouldn't I like her?"

"She's very... dramatic."

"I look forward to being introduced to her," Kate said honestly.

…

Kate arrived home not long after one in the morning. She'd had a wonderful evening, but once alone, she found herself burning inside. Burning for his touch, the heat of his lips, the caress of his hands... She burned for his love. For his strength. He was powerful, strong, manly... She wanted him to take her down. She wanted him to battle her, with his mind and his body. She wanted him to own her, to take her, to-

There was someone sheltering in her doorway. She stepped down and the drivers lantern showed a familiar face.

"Josh?"

"Sara. I'm sorry to call so late, you were out but I had to see you-"

Kate cut him off with a searing kiss to his lips. Richard Castle was nothing more than a fantasy, a crazy dream from a broken girl. Even if he wanted her, she could not drag him into the web of lies that was her life. He was too good for that. His _daughter _was too good for that.

Josh was different. Josh meant nothing. Their need was equal; they met on equal terms. His kiss didn't start a fire within her – but they kindled the one that was already burning. She hurried him upstairs into her room, smiling as he stepped in behind her, brushing her hair out of the way so he could kiss her neck.

It was practised, it was concise – but he knew how to please her, and she needed to be pleased. He swiftly undid the hooks at the back of the dress with the air of someone who did this more often than every few weeks with her. She didn't mind. They had to take certain precautions, of course. Kate looked at it as being more inventive; she and Josh had found ways to be perfectly satisfied without risking... anything.

Josh busied himself with her complicated outfit; she kissed him with her eyes closed, thinking of a very different man. Richard was a little taller than Josh, but not much, so the height wasn't a problem. Richard was more muscular too, which was harder to fill in with her imagination, but she did what she could. She suddenly had a thought. If she were with Richard there would be no question of... inventiveness. She would need him, all of him. She cursed herself as Josh's hands worked their way around her body, lighting up her nerves as he brushed all the right areas. It made it a little less romantic that she had told him where they were, but to his credit, she had only needed to tell him once. He was a clever man. He liked to do a thing right.

She fell back onto the bed. With Richard it wouldn't be like this. She wouldn't have to tell him anything; it wouldn't be anything she could imagine. He would teach her things about her body that she had never known, he would be exciting and adventurous and dangerous and new-

She felt her pulse quicken and began to breathe faster, feeling the familiar rhythm that would inevitably bring her to where she wanted to be. She kept her eyes closed; Josh didn't comment.

She managed not to cry out his name, but it was a close thing. She recovered herself, opening her eyes and smiling. Josh kissed her softly and she flipped them so he was on his back and she was above him. She trailed kisses down his stomach, giving him what he had earned. It was more like a trade than a relationship, a trade they were both happy with. If Josh wanted more he didn't show it, and he certainly didn't have time for it.

He didn't stay. When he kissed her goodbye he said he might be joining a mission to Africa. Kate wasn't surprised. She kissed him again, a thank you kiss. He smiled at her.

"You're so beautiful, Sara. I hope you find what you're looking for one day."

Kate smiled at him. "I hope you find it, too. Good luck, Dr Davidson."

She closed the door and looked around the room. Suddenly feeling exposed, she picked up a light silk robe and put it on. She tidied up her clothes and made the bed, but she wasn't ready to sleep. She poured herself a glass of wine and settled in the armchair in her bedroom. Yet again, she thought about Richard. She set down her glass and reached up to unpin her now messy hair. As she teased out the tangles, she imagined Richard's fingers in her hair, gently combing it out.

She could have kicked herself. That was even worse than imagining sex. Sex was primal, a need, something the body required. But now she was picturing... love? Domesticity? She was imagining being cared for. Her life relied on independence. She took nothing from no one; she needed no help, and she couldn't ever be... anything that Richard would want her to be.

She lived a lie. She gave a false name, talked about a false life. She used her position as one of the king's 'ornaments' to spy on people, and catch criminals. She fought. She didn't kill; she did all she could to save and protect. But she had to be committed to that. One of the requirements was not having dependants, not having anyone who needed her or cared for her. Lanie was the only exception, and that was hard enough.

Kate couldn't hurt anyone else. She took far too many risks to be with Richard. She would just hurt him. And anyway, he was a true gentleman. For her to really have what she wanted, he would want to marry her. And that was impossible.

She swallowed the rest of the wine. Impossible. It was impossible.

And she had only spent _one evening _with this man. How could she know anything about him?

The energy, she said to herself. The energy was clear, clear as day and shooting stars at night...

But a day. It couldn't mean anything.

And now she was going to dinner at his house. With his mother and daughter. His family. They were welcoming her and she was repaying them with lies. But she had no choice, she argued with herself. She couldn't tell them who she really was; they wouldn't believe her even if she did. Kate Beckett was turning into a legend, an urban myth to scare children and criminals alike.

And Sara Katayev was a lie.

She lay down on the bed, smiling slightly at the thought of all the men that had been in it. She had heard that some people called her the black widow. She loved to laugh at the idea that she ate men. She didn't. In truth, the word 'all' was a little misleading – there hadn't been so very many. Well. Less than had been in the king's bed! But she made sure the men she used were using her just as much, and they were men she knew. She took care of herself and respected men who did the same.

Society would see her as a sinner. She didn't care. While the king liked her she would have a place with the ruling class. When she went out of favour she would continue her life, but without the boring, frustrating parties.

The sheets and blankets were soft and warm. She leaned against her feather pillows and tried to sleep; her last thought was of, unsurprisingly, Sir Richard Castle.

…

Richard watched her carriage clatter away and found himself wishing for the next day already. He was so... It had been months, several months, since he had been with a woman, and though this was not unusual, he felt it more acutely that night than he thought he ever had.

He was glad Alexis and Martha were both too tired for much conversation on the ride home, and they both went straight upstairs to bed when they left the carriage. Richard was left to pace around the house. He went down to the kitchen and poured cold water over his face, then stripped off his shirt and poured more water over his back and chest. He shuddered at the icy temperature but it did its job. He used his shirt to dry himself a little, then walked upstairs to his bedroom.

Once in the room, though, everything he had banished in the kitchen returned in full force. He threw his clothes on the floor and flopped into bed, swearing. Damn this woman. This woman who could make him feel like a teenager. He was desperate, and he had known her for just a few hours. He _needed _her. Even if... Even if they couldn't do anything, he wanted to just _be _with her, to feel the sparks fly between them, to see her twinkling eyes, to listen to her rich, teasing laugh.

He could watch her for ever; talk to her for an eternity. She liked to tease him; he could be teased. He would do anything, go along with anything, whatever she wanted. He couldn't wait to see her the next day.

He forced his head onto the pillows, extinguished the gas lamp, and closed his eyes firmly.

It didn't help. He could still see her. That wonderful red dress, sitting so low, showing her shoulders... He imagined it sliding down her arms, falling off with all her other clothes like water, slipping over her skin-

He stopped himself. This would not help. Slowly. He would take it slowly. He would give her time. He would court her properly; he would show her how it could be. He would do anything... Including wait, if that was what she wanted.

* * *

A/N: You know the drill - thanks so much for reading, please review!


	6. Chapter 6

6

When she woke up the next morning, Kate had come to a decision. She wasn't ready. She had her work, she had her life... He couldn't be part of it, or even know about it. And she could never start something with him while she was lying to him. So she would be his friend, and that would be all. It would be enough. There was no other option. It had to be enough, because there was no possibility of anything more.

She chose a dress to wear which reflected her decision; though fashion demanded it be close fitting, she selected a plain grey dress with no embellishments, that covered everything but a tiny v of her neck, and had a plain white collar. She chose a hat to match it and made sure she was ready in time to walk. The fresh air would do her good. Though walking in London was not recommended for young ladies, especially alone, she did not feel even a little at risk.

She knew that his house would be impressive. She expected all the modern amenities – but it was still breathtaking. He owned practically the whole street; there was a high fence separating his 'palace' from the rest of the world, and inside the fence were gardens worthy of the countryside where he spent most of his time. The butler had seen her coming and walked out to open the large iron gates for her. She would have managed them easily by herself, but she had to keep up appearances. She followed the butler inside, where Richard and Alexis were waiting for her.

"It's lovely to see you again," Alexis said with a smile. Kate smiled.

"I'm very happy to be here – it's wonderful to see you too, Alexis.

"And not to see me?" Richard asked, pretending to be offended. Kate raised an eyebrow, knowing this might be classed as flirting but not being able to help herself.

"Though there are some merits in your appearance, Sir Richard, I have to tell you that your daughter is far more beautiful. I am sorry."

Richard chuckled. "Well, I will enjoy looking at you, anyway. Will you come through and sit in the parlor?"

Kate followed him into a stunning living room, filled with lavish furniture and expensive ornaments. There was also a grand piano. Richard saw Kate admiring it.

"Do you play?" he asked.

"When I have the chance. I used to, but I do not have a pianoforte now."

"You must come and play ours," Alexis insisted. Kate looked at Richard, who nodded enthusiastically.

"We would be honoured," he said with a smile.

"What about you?" Kate asked. "Do you play?"

Richard winked at Alexis. "Only when drunk. Alexis wants to learn, though."

"It is enjoyable. But I only learned because I had to. What skills have you been forced into, Alexis?"

Alexis grinned. "None. My father lets me learn what I like."

"Only because you're so sensible. She rides, draws, _sews_, and we fence."

"Fence? Now that is an interesting hobby. There are not many young ladies who can handle a sword," Kate commented.

"I love it. I've learned all kinds of things to do with fighting – I like archery, and I can shoot and throw daggers and-"

"Now, now, little boy," Richard said with a laugh. "I thought you were coming to London to be a lady."

The words could have been cruel, but the way he said them just made Alexis smile. She liked his teasing – as did Kate.

"I know of a lady who can fight," Alexis said with a glint in her blue eyes.

"Oh yes?" Kate asked curiously.

Richard grinned. "I know of her too. Barely a minute goes by these days when I'm not hearing stories about her!"

Alexis laughed. "It's not my fault. She's fascinating. More than anything I want to meet her. There are all these stories. Sara, you've probably heard all about them since you live in the city all the time. I just heard of her recently from my friend – Lady Katherine Beckett."

Kate managed not to gasp, keeping her expression calm as she listened to the rumours about herself.

"She's the most skilled fighter there ever was. She catches murderers every night, fighting them with her sword but never killing them, just finding them and taking them to the gaol. And she watches the streets, keeping people safe. She's saved countless lives. And people say she is at court so now we're here the most wonderful thing in the world would be to meet her! She's so impressive, she's overcome so much to do something so good. Do you think there might be a chance of me meeting her?"

Kate took a deep breath. "I don't know. I've heard of her, but she seems to stay very well hidden. However, I think you can still... learn from her, even if you don't meet. You say you are impressed by the good she does, the lives she saves – you can do good too. And while I wouldn't recommend her way of helping people, I'm sure you could find a different way, if that was what you wanted. And although it might not seem like much, I'm sure, if she is at court, and she learns about you, she would be both proud and pleased to see that she was having this sort of influence on someone."

Alexis smiled. "You say things so well, Sara. Now I feel so childish just wanting to meet her – but I'm sure I could do some good."

"You are already a charming young lady, Alexis. I don't think you need much guidance to be far more impressive than this Lady Beckett. There is something... strange about keeping oneself so secret, I think. Almost dishonest."

"I don't know," Richard commented. "I've always liked a mysterious woman. But you're right about Alexis – you will do great things, my dear, even if you don't meet her."

Alexis nodded. "I hope that I can. Dad, is it really so unusual for ladies to fight?"

"I'm not so up to date with behaviour in London-" he began, but Sara interrupted.

"I know at least one other lady who fences."

Richard stared at her.

"You?"

She laughed. "Is that really so surprising? Your daughter does. Why shouldn't I?"

Richard shook his head. "No reason. Well then, Alexis. It appears we have another challenger!"

Alexis grinned. "Maybe it doesn't matter if I don't meet Lady Beckett. At least I'll have met you."

Kate didn't really see the funny side. She just felt guilty about hiding her true identity – and even more guilty that this lovely girl idolised her when she was so fake. She lived a life of secrets and shadows and lies, yet teenagers were impressed by it? She had to push these thoughts out of her mind to continue the conversation, which moved on to literature, then music, then theatre, then riding, then back to fencing and historically important duels.

Alexis had to leave to go up and talk to Martha; Martha wanted her opinion on some new dresses she was ordering, and for some reason the order had to be made before dinner.

"Thank you so much for coming and being so nice to Alexis," Richard said to Kate once they were left alone.

"It's my pleasure," Kate replied. "Really, she's a wonderful young woman and excellent company."

"You're very kind. I worry that she doesn't meet enough people. I'm not a very good role model."

"From what I've seen and heard, you're a great father. Don't worry about it. She seems to be an educated, intelligent, sensible, and very sweet girl."

Richard laughed. "I don't know where she got the sensible from!"

Kate had to laugh as well. "No... It is a little odd."

"I hope I don't lose her to a man too quickly."

"I don't think you'll ever lose her – she loves you too much, she will always be close to you. I think you should worry more about the fact that girls who adore their fathers usually end up marrying men just like them."

Richard made a face at her. "You like me really."

"No comment."

"You came to dinner."

"I came to see Alexis."

"And not even a little to see me?"

Kate frowned in mock-thought. "No. Not even a little."

"You're too cruel, Sara. Will you really fence with us?"

"I can hardly refuse. I'm interested to see how good you are."

"You know, you could refuse if you wanted. We wouldn't be offended... but we are rather good."

Kate smiled. "I'm sure I'll cope. And I'll go easy on you the first few times, so I don't embarrass you in front of your daughter."

"You are confident. Who taught you?"

"My mother," Kate said. It was true, to an extent. In fact she had had several teachers since her mother's death, especially while in India, but her mother had taught her the basics, more for amusement than anything else. "Who taught you?"

Richard winked. "I couldn't say. I learned while researching for a book – I'll leave it at that."

Kate knew the book he meant, but didn't name it. She didn't want him to know how much of a fan she really was.

"I have a new book that will be available soon," he continued. "Storm Fall. The last of the Derrick Storm books."

"The last? Now that does sound ominous."

"Will you read it?"

"I'm sure it will appear in Montgomery's," she said evasively.

"I can tell by the look in your eyes that you will!" he said, but he wasn't completely certain.

"Then you have your answer," she said, the corner of her mouth twitching in a smile. Alexis reappeared.

"She's chosen the turquoise, and she'll be down for dinner momentarily," she announced. "Sorry, am I interrupting?" she asked, as the room stayed strangely silent.

"No," Kate said.

"Yes," Richard said at the same time. Kate laughed.

"No, you're not. Your father was just telling me about his new book."

"Oh, yes, _Storm Fall_. It's good, you should read it."

"Maybe I will. In the end. Are you planning to write something else?"

Richard made a face. "I'm supposed to be. But aside from the magazine story, which no, Alexis, you are still not old enough to read, I haven't had any really inspiring ideas for a next book."

Kate was just about to say she hoped he thought of something when Martha strode into the room. They all stood up and Richard made a quick introduction.

"Mother, this is Lady Sara Katayev. She met Alexis in Montgomery's. Sara, this is my mother, Lady Martha Castle. Formerly Martha Rodgers, if you're interested."

Martha smiled. "I doubt that she is. It's lovely to meet you my dear – I've already heard all about you from Alexis."

Both Kate and Alexis blushed at this. "It's lovely to meet you too," Kate said.

"I hope Richard hasn't been boring you too much, talking about books the way he does."

"No, not at all."

"Sara's going to fence with us," Alexis said happily.

"Ooh, now this should be exciting. Are you good, my dear?"

"I... I believe I can hold my ground."

"Spoken with the air of someone trying very hard to be modest while secretly quite sure she will win. I hope you do, darling. Richard needs some healthy competition. He's too good for his own good, if you see what I mean."

Kate smiled. "I'll do my best." She liked Martha already – and as with every new friend she made, she felt the bitter taste in her mouth as she told yet more lies to people she wanted to care about.

"Dinner is served, Sir," a maid said from the doorway.

"Oh, that reminds me," Kate said. "I wanted to ask, Richard, aren't you a Lord? So shouldn't you be Lord, rather than Sir?"

Richard grinned. "Yes. And I should be. But I prefer Sir, because it is earned. I was born a Lord, I did nothing for the title. I earned my knighthood."

Kate laughed. "Well, Sir Richard, I think that's very sweet. Although, not only knights are called Sir, and not all knights earn their knighthoods. Are you not friends with the king?"

"I was knighted for contributions to literature, thank you. But if you like, you may call me Lord Castle, Lady Katayev."

Kate laughed more. "Very well. I believe you deserved it."

"I appreciate that. And if you don't like Sir or Lord, you can call me Rick."

"What about Castle?"

"Now that would be very military-like. It would be almost as though you were giving me orders."

"Then she should definitely call you Castle," Alexis said, walking past them to go to the dining room.

"Well then, _Castle_," Kate said with a grin. "It looks as though the decision has been made."

"Sara, I believe it has."

He offered her his arm and she took it, letting him walk her to the dining room. She felt a lot more comfortable than she had done this morning. Though they had an undeniable connection, it was nothing she couldn't handle. And although she disliked lying, she would not be getting any more involved. They would just be friends, and she could deal with that.

* * *

A/N: You would have had this hours ago except the uni internet decided to have a little hiatus of its own! Thank you so much for reading and please review, your reviews mean so much to me. Keep reading (everything), love you! x


	7. Chapter 7

7

The meal was delicious; Richard's cooks never let him down. Kate could hardly contain herself. It had been so long since she had eaten food like this in company like this. She felt almost at home. She and Alexis chatted enthusiastically. Richard cut in fairly frequently with witty comments and wordplay. Kate responded with clever retorts, making Alexis and Martha laugh.

Their conversation continued long into the evening. Richard ordered coffee and Alexis and Martha both went upstairs to bed. Alexis wouldn't leave until Kate had promised to return the next day to fence with them. As the other women disappeared, Kate could feel the tension in the room shoot up significantly. Richard winked at her.

"So. Now we can talk about... whatever wasn't appropriate before."

Kate laughed. "Is there anything?"

"I'm not sure. I just... thank you very much for coming."

"Thank you, again, for inviting me. I'm having a wonderful time."

"And for agreeing to come tomorrow. Don't feel as though you have to. Alexis will cope; you don't have to put yourself to any trouble for her."

"It is no trouble. I want to come tomorrow."

"You're too good, Sara. I can already see how good you are for Alexis. She has no mother figure, and while you're far too young to be her mother, I can see that she looks up to you and connects with you in a way that I can't do."

"That's just being a woman, Castle. But as I said before, I'm happy to be here for her."

"And I'm very happy that we met you."

"I'm happy too... Just to be clear... Exactly how good at fencing are you?"

Richard chuckled. "You'll just have to find out tomorrow. But you should know that my confidence is entirely justified. What about you?"

"If you won't tell me, I won't reveal anything either."

"Ah, mystery. Mysterious women seem to seduce my mind. I want to get to know them because I want to solve them. I want to get to know you. And this Lady Beckett... At first it was just for Alexis. But the more I hear about her, the more I want to discover her, find her, help her, know her... I write about mysteries. I think she makes a wonderful character."

"Perhaps. Perhaps she doesn't want to be discovered, though."

"I can understand that. She has suffered, and now she does something where she doesn't need lots of people interfering. But If I were to discover her, I wouldn't reveal her identity. I think... I think no matter what we tell ourselves, every human being has a desire to be truly known, truly understood."

"And you think you would be able to understand?"

"I think I would try. I think... Maybe I could help her."

Sara forced a smile. "What makes you imagine that she would want your help?"

"Oh, she wouldn't. But I... I suppose I'm just selfish. The idea of her fascinates me. Driven by the death of a loved one to fight those who bring pain to others, and save people from the fate that she suffered."

"I don't think you're selfish. Not entirely. It might help her to meet you. It's a pity that she's so well hidden."

"Yes. I think Alexis believed that once we were at court she would be easy to find; that someone like that could not possibly walk past her in a room without her noticing. But she has been proved wrong."

"People are good at hiding."

"You're right. And people are good at hiding themselves. I don't mean to pry, but... I still know very little about you. Your childhood, your upbringing, your life outside these social gatherings."

Kate thought fast. She had a perfect back story completely rehearsed, but for some reason she couldn't bear to say it. She had lied enough.

"What do you want to know? I don't know much about you either. You could go first, and I'll reciprocate."

Richard grinned. "I should have seen this coming. Though my life, I think, is a little more known about. Anyway. I'm Lord of Castle Manor, a large estate a long way North of here. I write, as you know. My other hobbies are riding, fencing, teaching Alexis... I play the piano but only when no one is listening. I like to hunt, but only in a disorganised way – I think fox hunts are just cruel. My father died when I was very young; I never knew him. My mother brought me up, when she wasn't meeting gentlemen friends or going to parties. In a way I was brought up by a whole group of servants. I was sent away to school when I was nine. That was when I met Stephen. We bonded immediately. He was my mentor to begin with – he was already popular and respected, and he took me under his wing. I didn't do well at school. I was always in trouble, I received more beatings than most of my class put together. And I began to write."

Kate listened intently. The sound of Richard's voice was enough to both put her at ease and drive her crazy with a kind of hunger for him. And those eyes...

"What about you, then?" he asked. Kate bit her lip.

"There's not much to tell, really. I had a good childhood, two loving parents. I was educated at home, mostly by them but sometimes by friends. They wanted to teach me far more than is deemed appropriate for a woman. I am hugely grateful."

"But you do not live with them now."

Kate laughed at this. "You think just because I am unmarried, I should still live with my parents?"

Richard tried to think of a way to backtrack but he knew that Kate was joking, and that she knew he didn't think anything of the sort. It was just expected... But then, a woman like her... it was almost unbelievable that she wasn't married.

"Actually, I probably would live with them," Kate said softly. "But my mother died several years ago. Her death hit my father hard. He... He isn't himself any more. He drinks and gambles, throwing his life away because I am not enough. I look like her... In the months after she died he told me he couldn't stand the sight of me because I reminded him too much of the woman he would never see again. So I left. I see him, sometimes. He's much better than he was. But I can't live my life trying to save his. I had to move away from my past."

Richard nodded, wishing he could take her hand. They were alone in the dining room, no one would know. But he knew he still couldn't. It would just put her under pressure. She would feel uncomfortable, and whatever it was in the room at that moment that was so sad and yet so pure and strong at the same time would disappear and their connection would go with it.

"And now I read. I help Montgomery in the book shop. I go to all kinds of social events. I try to help people... I inherited a lot of money from my mother. A lot of my time is taken up with..." Kate trailed off. She didn't know how to explain that she spent her days looking into crimes, solving them, and catching the perpetrators. Richard looked at her expectantly, very curious about the answer.

"Solving mysteries," Kate said eventually, with a cheeky smile. Richard wasn't really satisfied with this, but Kate didn't want to say anything else, and he didn't want to push her. He wondered what kind of mysteries she meant.

There was something in her eyes. Something deep and dark, something that he couldn't explain. Lingering grief? But parents died. It was a fact of life. She said her mother had died a long time ago. The... pain? in her eyes couldn't all be from that. There had to be something more. He wished he knew what it was.

And then he had a thought. But no. She couldn't be. She was too... Her mother had died, though. She fenced. She couldn't explain what she did all the time. She was mysterious, she was beautiful – so beautiful. She...

"How long ago did your mother die?" he asked. Kate could see it coming. She could see that he had guessed and he was going to find out. She could have left. She could have lied. Instead she just answered. She practically _wanted _him to find out.

"Nine years," she said quietly.

"If you don't mind me asking... how did she die?"

"She was murdered," Kate said quietly. She looked into the future in her mind, knowing there was such an easy way out. She would continue this for a few more questions and then suddenly she would laugh. She would laugh and laugh, make him feel like a fool. She would tell him it was a joke, that she was playing on his interest in this Lady Beckett by feeding him her story and it was so funny because he had fallen for it so spectacularly. No one would ever know. They would stay friends, it would all be forgotten in a day.

But she couldn't. There was something about the gentle look on his face, the caring way he stared into her. It wasn't pity. It was something so much stronger, so much more...

"Is Sara your real name?"

Kate bit her lip and looked up from the table, which she had been staring at. Looking right into his eyes, she didn't need to answer. He already knew. She got up suddenly.

"I think it's time for me to go. Would you tell Alexis that I'm terribly sorry, but I can't come tomorrow?"

Richard stood up too and without thinking, grabbed hold of her.

"Don't go. And don't disappoint her. You don't have to tell her. I won't. I'll keep your secret, I'll pretend I don't even know. We won't ever talk about this again. Just please don't go," he begged, wishing he knew what to say to this woman he was only just discovering.

"I have to. I have to go now. But..."

"But what?"

"I'll come tomorrow. If you swear-"

"On my life, Sara, I won't tell a soul. Except maybe myself, from time to time."

Kate had to laugh. It was such a sweet joke, so harmless... as well as making her feel... good? He knew about her, he thought it was amazing that he had met her. That had to mean something.

"Don't..." she said suddenly, but she trailed off again.

"Don't what?" he asked, still holding on to her arms.

"When we're alone... don't call me Sara."

"Alright... Beckett."

Again, she grinned at him, his sparkling eyes allowing her to feel safe, even though she was more exposed than she thought she'd ever been.

"I have to go, Castle," she said. Her arms were tingling from his grip and he let them go. She missed his touch, all the more because she knew she was very unlikely to feel it again. He nodded.

"Until tomorrow, Beckett."

She smiled. "Goodnight, Castle."

He watched her leave, walking out of the room. This stunning woman who was almost a legend, this beautiful mystery who had somehow ended up in his life. All he knew was that he never wanted to let her go. He would find her. And as he had told her, he would help her. He would do anything for her.

Kate walked out of the house wondering what on earth she had just done. It had surely been a huge mistake. But at the same time, she had felt a rush of relief, flooding through her body... The way he had looked at her. As though... As though he wanted nothing more than to be with her, to protect her. She knew it was dangerous, and against every rule she had ever made for herself, but she wasn't going to be able to stay away from him. Even as she walked, though they had been apart for barely 5 minutes, she was already longing for him again...

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A/N: Thanks for reading! Please review - and I don't have a beta, so if you spot any typing errors or anything, if you can be bothered, please tell me about them in a review as well so I can fix them. Thanks again and sending you lots of love from freezing Scotland!


	8. Chapter 8

8

"How was it?" Lanie asked when Kate got home. Kate smiled.

"It was... fun. We're going to be great friends."

"Just friends?"

"I don't see how we could ever be anything more," Kate said as Lanie began to help her undress. Lanie tutted.

"But you know you feel more for him than that."

"No," Kate said firmly. "I've known him for two days. Which means I really _don't _know him. At all."

"Sometimes it's instant. It was for me."

"You and Javi grew together for years. You didn't just look at him and know."

"Who says I didn't?"

"But-"

"You're afraid, Kate. You don't want to let him in."

"I did."

"What?" Lanie gasped.

"I told him who I am. I told him who my parents were."

"What did he say?" her friend asked quietly.

"He.. He told me not to go. I wanted to leave but he held onto me and told me I mustn't. And I'm going there tomorrow as well. He promised never to tell a soul, to pretend he didn't know."

"So nothing has to change. Do you trust him?"

"I think so. But I... I don't know if I want something to change. I told him he should use my real name, that he should call me Beckett when we were alone."

Lanie smiled. "And yet you say you don't care for him as anything more than a friend?"

"Lanie! I told you who I was."

"After years of friendship, yes. And you couldn't really keep it from me, since we _live _together."

Kate sighed. "He practically worked it out on his own."

"So he's a detective, like you."

"I'm not a detective."

"Of course you are. You're not paid for it, but what you do... you're a detective more than anything else. And I think Sir Richard wants to be one too."

"No. Castle-"

"So it's Castle now?"

"Stop it, Lanie," Kate said, but she was smiling. Lanie smiled back.

"What are you doing with them tomorrow?"

"Fencing," Kate said, her smile widening to a grin. Lanie laughed.

"Then they're in for a big surprise. I hope you enjoy yourself."

"I'm sure I will. I have a feeling they're both good too."

"I don't doubt it. But you will be better."

Kate winked. "I usually seem to be."

"How do you think he feels about you?" Lanie suddenly reverted to the previous topic.

"I... I don't know. He likes me. We talked for hours. I think we'll be great friends."

"And he wants nothing more?" Lanie said sceptically.

"Why should he? There are some gentlemen in this world."

"Of course. Speaking of gentlemen – was Mr Davidson here last night?"

Kate sighed. "I knew you'd find out."

"There's no need to sigh. You do what you want. I won't judge you."

"He's leaving. Going to Africa."

"That's sad," Lanie said honestly. "Will you miss him?"

"I'll miss the company," Kate said. "Goodness that sounded cold," she added. "I mean... I will miss him, and I wish him all the best... but our feelings for each other were... We needed each other. We needed to be close to someone. We used each other, I suppose."

"I know," Lanie said gently. "You don't have to feel bad about it."

"I don't. I just feel... I like having someone."

"You could have Sir Richard."

Kate nodded. She knew she could if she wanted. "I don't want that kind of someone."

"What, ruggedly handsome, rich, famous but not too famous..?"

"No. I mean... I don't want to use him."

"Then this is far worse than I thought."

"What? Why?"

"If you really weren't beginning to lo-"

"Don't even say it, Lanie!"

"Fine. If you weren't beginning to _care _about him, you wouldn't think twice about getting him into bed."

"You make me sound awful."

"I don't mean to. I mean... But it's true, isn't it? Why do you want to be his friend, without any benefits?"

"I don't know... Because... Because he's to good for that. Because he's a wonderful father and a wonderful man and he's too good for me!"

Kate was suddenly almost hysterical. Lanie had been unfastening the back of her dress; she spun around and stared at her friend.

"He's too good for me," she said again.

Lanie pulled her into a hug.

"No he's not," she said gently. "He can... You told him, Kate. You told him because you care about him, because you want to be close to him. You're going to have a great time tomorrow and you're not going to write anything off. He doesn't think he's too good for you."

Kate allowed herself to be comforted. She went to bed still thinking about him. She couldn't not. She... he was just...

LINE

Kate gasped, her quick feet allowing her to dodge out of the way but only just. Richard laughed.

"You're good," he panted.

She jabbed her foil towards him again, moving it so quickly he barely saw it – yet he still managed to jump out of the way. Alexis laughed.

"You're teasing him," she said to Kate. Kate grinned.

"How do you know?" she called. Alexis was sitting at the side of the room.

"I just know," Alexis said happily. Kate sighed and did a complicated little jump which somehow disarmed Richard. She stood behind him with her foil to his throat.

"Okay, maybe I was teasing him a little bit."

She lowered her foil and patted Richard on the back.

"But you're very good. Really."

He was clearly embarrassed. He picked up his foil and glared at her.

"I was distracted. I want a rematch."

Kate grinned. "Sure."

They moved apart and bowed to each other. Alexis yelled "Fence," and their movements blurred into each other, they were so quick. Richard gave it everything. He didn't care if 'Sara' was really Lady Beckett, or how forward thinking he was supposed to be. He was not going to be beaten by a woman. He pulled out every trick he knew, but she always seemed to be one step ahead of him. He watched her fight. She darted around with quick, subtle movements, using his strength against him.

Well two could play at that game. He slowed down, letting her dodge around him. He could tell she was confused; it was very unusual to completely switch techniques in the middle of a fight. She shot forward experimentally and he ducked out of the way, causing her to stumble slightly. She recovered immediately but he knew she was angry now.

Kate was determined to beat him again. She could beat anyone. But he was _good. _The truth was, she _had _only beaten him because he'd been distracted. She tried to think of a way to get around his defences but he had a wall around him, almost. And he wasn't letting her in. She tried to be relentless but she was getting tired; he had effectively reversed their positions.

She went in for another complicated move-

But he had been waiting for it. He flicked his foil so she almost lost her grip on hers, and while she was worrying about that, he hooked his leg behind her ankle and sent her sprawling to the ground, straddling her there before she could get up. He used one hand to pin her right wrist to the floor, and the other held his foil at her neck.

"You cheated," she muttered.

"We weren't playing by any rules," he said, breathing heavily as she relaxed underneath him. They stayed in that position a little too long before they remembered themselves – and their company. Richard jumped up and offered Kate his hand; she took it and stood beside him, then shook it.

"I guess we're even," he said, winking. Alexis laughed uncertainly. She had a feeling she was a third wheel, now. Kate didn't let her feel that way for long; soon they were sparring happily, first fencing, but moving on to different styles of fighting. Richard watched with interest, absorbing all the skills Kate taught.

Alexis left to get changed and Kate knew she should go home. Richard begged her to stay for Sunday dinner but she refused.

"I'm hot and sweaty and I need a bath," she said firmly. Richard laughed.

"I don't mind. You could have a bath here."

"I don't have any other clothes," Kate said, looking down at her breeches and shirt.

"We won't judge you. You can borrow something of Alexis'. She won't mind."

"I... I couldn't," Kate said, but she was beginning to change her mind.

"My cook is preparing something from a recipe I brought back from China," Richard said. Kate gaped at him.

"China?" she asked quietly. She was won over.

"Yes. Alexis and I love trying food from other cultures. I take it you will stay, then?"

Kate winked. "Just this once."

"You know full well it isn't going to be just this once. I'll get one of the servants to draw you a bath and find you something to wear."

"Thank you," Kate said. Richard looked at her with an expression she couldn't quite read. She ran a hand through her slightly tangled hair.

Richard wished he could touch it. He wished he could kiss her... She was... hypnotic. Even the thought of her having a bath in his house... He shuddered. They walked out of the dining hall (which they had cleared to fight in) and he found a housemaid to sort out a bath and some clothes for Kate.

She was taken to one of the guest bedrooms. The whole house was breathtakingly beautiful. To her amusement, the outfit she was given was a shirt, probably Richard's, and some breeches that must have been Alexis'. She washed quickly and put on the clean clothes, drying her hair as much as she could with a towel before tying it up in a braid.

Alexis appeared dressed in something similar; even Richard was wearing basically the same as they were. Kate liked that the Castles didn't mess around with clothes when there was no one to see them. She was glad Richard taught his daughter to fight and allowed her to dress comfortably when she was at home.

She wondered what could be wrong with him. She was sure he had to have some kind of flaw.

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A/N: Thanks for reading and as always, please review! Love you xxx


	9. Chapter 9

A/N: This chapter is dedicated to everyone who RT'd that tweet so I had to write 4000 words. Thanks guys! By the way, it isn't actually 4000. But it's over 3000. And I'm really tired, and I found a line to end on so... Deal with it. Enjoy!

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9

Kate had been worried that she would be invading their personal life when she stayed for dinner, but she found that within moments she had fallen in with the easy conversation between Alexis and Richard. They were both animated and entertaining, throwing little quips across the room. Martha joined in too; Kate loved the way Richard coped so easily with being surrounded by women. She often said that she preferred the company of men. Women could be so demanding. She laughed to herself. Richard noticed.

"What's funny, Sara?"

There was an edge to the way he said her name now. It was light hearted, and almost imperceptible, but she caught it and it snagged at her heart.

"Just... me. Being here."

"And why is that?" he asked, a wicked gleam in his eye.

"It's strange being part of it, that's all."

"Strange? Lex, I think she just called us strange!"

Alexis giggled. "Well that won't do. We'll have to get her back somehow."

"How would you suggest we punish her?"

"We could..." Alexis leaned over to whisper something in her father's ear. He laughed loudly.

"I think that's perfect," he told his daughter. Alexis smiled gleefully.

"You have to come to my.. I don't even know what it is. Tea party. Every week. With all the suitable young ladies."

Kate raised her eyebrows. "But I am not a suitable young lady."

"You can be our chaperone."

Kate laughed. "Fine. I'll come, but only to protect you."

Richard grinned. "I'll be watching through the keyhole."

"You shouldn't confess to things like that in front of your daughter," Martha cut in. Kate almost choked on her slice of cake. Martha winked at her.

"I'm going to have to take my leave soon, my dears. I'm meeting some friends to play bridge."

Kate smiled at her. "It was lovely to see you again, Lady Castle."

"Call me Martha, Sara, especially because I'm not entirely confident I could pronounce your surname."

Kate laughed. "Alright, Martha. Have a wonderful evening."

"I always do," Martha said, getting up with a swish of her dress. Alexis made a face.

"I don't know how you can stand these London people, almost every night!"

"Oh, I find them extremely entertaining. It all depends on how you look at it, my dear."

Alexis nodded. "I'll try," she said with a frown. Martha smiled.

"Don't try too hard. And you'll have plenty of time to frown when you're old and have something to frown about."

The young redhead giggled.

"Goodbye, Mother," Richard said dramatically.

"Goodbye darling. Don't keep them up too late."

And with that she swanned out of the room. Richard pretended to sigh with relief.

"So," Alexis said. "What are we going to do now?"

They ended up in the living room clustered around the piano. Kate hoped the servants didn't mind their raucous singing. Richard knew a worrying amount of sailor's songs, several of them rather inappropriate for Alexis to hear. Alexis didn't seem to notice, though. Kate had a feeling she'd been exposed to Richard long enough to ignore a lot of what came out of his mouth. When she said as much both Castles chuckled.

"That's exactly right," Alexis said. Richard pretended to be affronted.

"I don't appreciate you making fun of me like this. Don't you like my singing?"

"I love it," Kate said, more honestly than her tone betrayed.

"You tease me most cruelly," he said, turning away to flick through some sheet music. Kate sat down beside Alexis at the piano and began teaching her a simple duet that they could play together in minutes. Kate was far better than she would admit. Playing the piano had been something from the old days... She didn't know why she was doing it now. It felt right, though.

Richard watched her out of the corner of his eye. She was so good with his daughter... she was so good at everything. So beautiful, so kind... Yet she lived a lie. He could understand it. He even respected it. His only issue with the situation was how difficult it must be for her. She had to pretend, to hide, every single day. And he knew there was so much about her that he didn't know. She was completely closed off; there was pain in her past but she didn't let it touch her. She kept it away with a wall around her heart.

They began to sing again and he joined in. He couldn't dwell on his worries about Kate while Alexis was here. He understood Kate not wanting to reveal herself. More than that, he didn't want her to. It was almost a burden, a burden he didn't want his daughter to carry.

Kate felt Richard's eyes boring into her and knew he would want to talk again. She wanted to talk to him, too. She wished she could. For the first time, she actually wanted to tell him things about herself, she wanted his comforting words and his comforting arms around her. But she knew that she would tell him very little. Her problems were not his, and he should not have to deal with them. She didn't want him to. She was sure it was selfish of her even to reveal her true identity. Just knowing who she was could put him in danger. In danger of others, perhaps – there were those that wanted to hurt her. But more likely, in danger of being hurt emotionally, by her. She could see that he cared about her. She couldn't let him get any closer. She couldn't tell him everything, but telling him even a tiny amount had made him hungry for more.

Richard was a writer and he was hungry for information, for the story. Kate was so complicated... He wanted the chain of events that would make it all make sense. He knew who she was, but not _why_. And the why was what mattered, what made the difference.

She was at risk, too. He knew it would be pointless to ask her to stop doing what she did, prowling the streets at night to catch criminals. But he wanted to at least find a way to protect her. Maybe she would let him go with her? He was a good fighter, a great hunter. Almost equal to her.

And then the idea hit him. It was getting late and they had stopped singing; they sat around a cosy fireplace, drinking tea and talking about books and scary stories. And Richard realised that the perfect story was sitting right in front of him. A new book, a new series of books! People would go crazy for them; he was sure of this because they were desperate even for rumours about 'Lady Beckett' – the reaction to a _book _about this character would be astronomical. He needed to write something new. He had money, but nothing was guaranteed. He bit his lip, forcing himself to reign in his ideas. He would have to ask her. She would almost certainly say no.

"What are you thinking about, Dad?" Alexis asked. Richard shook himself.

"Sorry, honey. Nothing.. Just an idea for a book."

"Well keep working on it. I know you're meant to be starting something new."

Richard laughed, Kate with him.

"Who looks after who?" she asked. Alexis smiled.

"I look after him. But I'm going to bed now, so you can take over."

After a round of goodnight hugs and kisses, Alexis left the room to go to bed. Kate braced herself. She knew Richard had questions, and he felt as though she owed him answers. The fact that she didn't plan to give him any only made it harder.

"So..." he began, knowing he was about to break his promise to forget what he knew.

"Go on," she said. "I know you promised, but I also know you can't control yourself. Just spit them out, get it over with."

He grinned nervously. "You really don't mind?"

Kate sighed. "No. I... I told you. I didn't have to. That was my choice."

"Why _did _you tell me?" he asked.

"I don't know. I suppose... It's hard, lying all the time. I lie to a lot of people. But... you were just one too many."

Richard wondered what had made him special. He hardly dared to hope that... He stopped himself. Thinking about it more wouldn't do anyone any good.

"Then... Is it hard?"

Kate was surprised. She'd thought he would ask about her past, about how she'd got into this life of crime fighting. She had been ready to tell him that there wasn't much to know, that sad things had happened but she had just ended up this way and there was no big story to tell. She had been ready to lie. But he wasn't going to let her. In a way he'd let her escape.

"Yes," she said. "If you mean lying. But it... I've made some enemies doing what I do. Telling people who I really am would put them at risk, as well as putting me in danger. Furthermore, I do a lot of detective work, I suppose you could call it, at balls and parties and so on, which would be impossible without having a cover identity."

Richard nodded. "It makes sense. I... I was thinking."

"I hope you didn't hurt yourself," Kate said, laughing a little. Richard laughed with her.

"I have to write another book. And much as I like to contradict her, my mother is right when she says I've been having difficulty... I just don't know where to start. Or didn't, until today. I need a character that my audience will sympathise with. I want her to be strong yet beautiful, brave yet complicated, fiercely intelligent yet with a hidden fragility... I want to write about you."

Kate listened to his description of her. She had not seen this coming.

"It wouldn't be about _you _exactly," he hurried to add. "It would be a fictional character. Called... Heat."

"Heat?"

"Detective Heat. She wouldn't be a lady, to make it easier..."

"How much of this have you already planned?" she asked.

"None! I just thought of it while we were talking, I... I promise it wouldn't affect you."

Kate looked at him. She didn't know if she believed him. She didn't know what to think of what he wanted to do. But at the same time, she almost didn't care. She wanted to agree to it anyway, because she wanted to make him happy.

"What would I have to do?" she asked.

"You would have to talk to me. A bit. Not about the past. Just about your work. And..."

"And what?" she asked suspiciously.

"I could come with you," he blurted out.

"You could what now?" she asked again.

"Come with you. You know, when you're out there. Catching bad guys," he finished weakly. He could see the huge NO written across her face.

"Castle, how am I supposed to do my job with you hanging around and constantly getting under my feet?"

"I wouldn't get under your feet. I could help. I'm a great fighter, and I know all about crime."

"You know about _fictional _crime. Not real life crime."

"I've done research before."

"You'd slow me down, Castle, and I can't afford to be slow."

"Beckett, I wouldn't, I swear. I'd help you."

"Oh, God, this isn't some masochistic attempt to be all manly and protect me, is it? Because that is not going to happen!"

"No! Well... only a tiny bit! And so what if I want to protect you? I... I like you, Beckett."

Kate sighed. "I like you too, Castle. But it wouldn't work."

"How do you know? Don't you want a partner? All the best heroes have one."

"I've managed fine without one this far."

"Have you? That look in your eyes, that wistful sigh you have when you think no one's looking, the way you look at Alexis as though you're longing to tell her... Is that managing fine, really?"

Kate glared at him. "Don't think you can just walk into my life and fix everything with your money and charm and good looks! That might work at court, but real life is more complicated!"

Richard wished he could reach out and touch her. "I don't want to- I mean, that isn't... I just want to be your friend."

"You can be. You don't have to put yourself in danger."

"I want to. I want to work with you."

"You... why? Why would you want to do that?"

"Look at my life, Beckett. Look at it all. And tell me – what does it mean? Who am I helping?"

"You have a fantastic daughter! You're a great father."

"But she's growing up. In a few years she won't need me at all. And then what will I have accomplished? I want to learn about you, Beckett, but I also want to do something to help people. You shouldn't have to work alone."

Kate smiled gently. "That was a sweet speech, Castle. And I appreciate it. I really do. But I can't put you at risk. I have no dependants. You have Alexis. You... I chose this path because I saw no other, because there was nothing else left for me. You have a great life, you do good. You don't need to do this."

"I do. You're hurt, you're troubled – but my life isn't as perfect as you think. I... I want to write this book. But even if I don't, I want to help you. Let me be your partner."

"No," she said, shaking her head. She wasn't cruel about it; she sounded almost sad.

"I'll fight you for it," he said.

"What?"

"I'll fight you. If I win, I get to be your partner."

"No."

"Yes. A fight would prove whether you need me or not, too. If you win, you don't need the extra strength. But if you lose, it's possible that you do need someone to protect you."

Kate groaned. "Fine. But just to shut you up. And when I win, you have to promise not to ask me about it again."

"And what about the book?"

"Write what you want, Castle. I can't stop you. But don't expect me to help you. And I want to read it before it's published."

He grinned. He loved that she cared so little. It was so... attractive. He was far too used to women throwing themselves at him. He loved a challenge – and Kate was exactly that.

"I look forward to working with you," he said as they walked towards the dining room and began to push the table and chairs out of the way.

"What kind of fight?" Kate asked.

"Anything goes, but no weapons. On the floor for 5 seconds. And no permanent damage," he added hastily as he saw a smile appear on her lips.

"Deal," she said, holding out her hand. "May the best man win."

Richard winked at her as they shook. "You know, I was gentle the first time."

Kate began to walk back from him, getting used to the room, the feel of her body... turning into an animal ready to attack.

"Good thing this isn't the first time," she said. "I like it rough."

"Oh, you do, do you?" he asked, moving his feet expertly as they circled around each other. "I'll bear that in mind."

"You should," she said, her voice getting quieter. He darted forward to grab her but she moved easily out of the way.

"You'll have to be quicker than that," she said with a smile.

"Oh, I don't know. I don't like it to be too quick," he said, smiling back. She had a feeling he was playing her, deliberately not showing her how good he was so she relaxed and he could win.

He went for her again and this time she caught him, throwing a punch to his torso after he missed her. He grunted but shook it off in a moment.

"Nice hands you have there, Beckett," he commented.

"And you have nice... feet," she said, her eyes twinkling.

He should have caught the hint. A moment later he was hit with a flying kick to his jaw. He stumbled back, blinking as he saw stars – but he didn't fall. She thought he was going to and he used this to his advantage, suddenly straightening up and grabbing her upper arms, pinning them to her sides. She was faster but he was bigger and stronger. He threw her to the ground and tried to hold her. She wriggled, managing to hook a leg around his so he lost his balance on top of her and ended up on the floor beside her. She scrambled up but he was up too before she could get a knee on his chest to pin him down. He caught her raised leg and she fell again. She was up in a moment but she still frowned.

"I'm not used to this," she commented. "It's been a while since I was with someone as good as you."

Richard winked. "Why thank you. And don't worry. You'll get back into it. It's like... riding a horse," he said as he once again lifted her off the ground. He had been getting cocky, though. She caught onto his back and attached herself to him. He sighed.

"I never did like clingy relationships," he muttered as he tried to unhook her hands from his shoulders. She ran a hand through his hair before yanking one of his arms around behind his back.

"Sorry," she said. "I'll try to be more independent." She forced him forward, getting off his back and kicking the back of his knee so he thumped onto the floor. He struggled, making her lose her grip a little. They were both getting tired and out of breath; it couldn't go on for too much longer. Richard knew he would have to fight dirty if he wanted to win – he'd have to use his only advantage. He didn't like to fight a lady like this, but she had agreed... and it was to help her.

Kate knew she could beat him. He was more tired than she was. But... something about him, the way he wanted to help her so badly, the assurance that it wasn't to do with the book, the interest in her, the look in his eyes when he talked about her and asked her things... He kicked her in the ribs and she fell backwards. Instead of recovering during the fall she let herself smack against the wooden floor. Her lungs emptied of air and then he was on top of her and she was panting for another reason. Her face coloured but he would put that down to the exercise. She was trapped between his legs. She knew the move that would free her. She still had seven seconds..six..five..four..three..two..one.. She'd managed to struggle quite convincingly.

"Do you yield?" he asked. She sighed.

"Don't come crying to me when someone kills you."

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A/N: So, thanks for reading, I hope you liked it, and please review! Love you xxx


	10. Chapter 10

10

A/N: This one's for Serena, firstly, and then – anyone who wants to be a goat...

Also, I use the phrase 'dark skinned'. Because of the time period I think Rick has to notice that Lanie is black. This is not supposed to be a big deal and I hope it doesn't bother you. I don't think I even have to mention it as I'm sure you won't be offended but just in case...

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"Beckett. I thought we were going to be, you know, walking the streets at night, catching bad guys," Castle complained as he read yet another journal entry from what had to be the most boring murder victim in history.

"Sorry Castle," Kate said a little smugly. "But there's a lot involved in detective work. It isn't just chasing and fighting."

"Yeah? Well if I'd known that before I might not have been so keen."

Kate grinned. They were sitting in her living room by the fire, close together so they could share the light of one gas lamp. It was well into Monday morning now. After winning the fight, Richard had insisted that he be allowed to start helping immediately, so Kate had grudgingly told him he could come home with her and help her work. She was enjoying herself more than she'd thought she would.

They read on; Kate was occupied with letters the victim had written to her mother.

"Wait!" Richard said suddenly, rereading the page he had just scanned.

"What?"

"She read my books."

Kate laughed. "Is that all? Seriously?"

"Hey, it's interesting. How was her body found?"

Kate frowned. "She had been strangled. She was left outside her back door."

Richard sighed.

"What? Were you hoping she would be naked and covered in rose petals? You're not that special, Castle," Kate said with a smile.

"Ooh, flowers for your grave. I like it. Is that your favourite?"

Kate winked. "You'll never know. Are you sure there's nothing in there, nothing about being followed or anyone strange in her life?"

Richard read over the last few pages.

"No. Nothing. She... Not to speak ill of the dead, but she wasn't the most interesting person. The most exciting thing in here is a detailed description of a banquet she went to a few nights ago – almost makes me hungry."

Kate's shoulders sagged a little; her posture often changed in relation to how well an investigation was going.

"She was very beautiful, though," Kate said. "Lots of men were interested in her. In her letters to her mother it seems as though she was fighting men off."

"She isn't the only one," Richard said with a grin. Kate made a face at him.

"When was she at the banquet?"

"Monday. A week ago."

"Monday? But she died on Tuesday night! Where was the banquet?"

Richard looked back at the description.

"Tisdale House," he said. "Wait, I've heard of the Tisdales. They're rich, right?"

"And Lord Tisdale is dying..."

A few more readings of the journal entry, combined with checking more of the victim's, whose name was Louisa Jennings, letters, and they had decided that Jonathan Tisdale was a very likely suspect.

"Now what?" Richard asked excitedly.

"Now... _I _pay him a visit to see what he knows about Louisa."

"What about me?"

"Castle, getting into his house is all about stealth and agility. I can't have you getting in my way. And he might recognise you."

"You wear a mask don't you? I'll wear one too."

"Castle-"

"I'd be great. I can do steal-" he paused to pick up the bunch of papers he had knocked over as he jumped up in his enthusiasm and desperation to persuade her.

"I can do stealth," he said more calmly as she rocked around, clutching her side, thinking she might die of laughter.

"Fine," she said breathlessly. "You can come."

He was already wearing dark clothes so he didn't need to change. She told him firmly to wait in the living room while she got ready. He watched her leave with a wistful expression

"It's no good looking at her like that," said a voice from behind him. He jumped and turned around to see a dark skinned woman holding a tray with coffee on it. She was very pretty, he noticed. Her eyes were bright and teasing.

"Who are you?" he asked.

"Lanie Parish. I'm Lady Beckett's servant."

"Call me Kate," Kate called from her room. "And you're only my servant when you'd be in trouble not to me. She's my friend, Castle."

Richard and Lanie both laughed.

"I'm Richard Castle," he said, holding out his hand. "It's pleasure to meet you."

"You too." She lowered her voice. "But I mean it about the looking. She's never going to make the first move. She just... doesn't. Something about protecting people. Or herself. If you want her that badly..."

"Is it that obvious?" Richard asked, slightly worried.

"No. I'm good at telling. And you thought you were alone. Would you like some coffee?"

He accepted gratefully and was soon having an interesting conversation with Lanie. She'd read his books and was particularly impressed with his knowledge of medicine.

"I'm studying it," she explained. "Lady- Kate, is helping me have classes. You're good. At the details."

"Thank you. And you study medicine? My daughter would be very impressed."

"You can tell her, then. Does she also want to study it?"

"She doesn't know. She's at an age where she wants to do everything. But she is interested in science."

"Good for her, then."

Kate appeared, dressed all in black and adorned with several weapons. She handed Richard a long knife.

"Put that in your belt," she told him. "But try not to use it. We don't fight to kill, just to catch. And it might not have been him."

"I'm sure it was," Richard said, but Kate knew he had understood her instructions.

After swigging her coffee and kissing Lanie on the cheek, Kate showed Richard how to get out of the apartment onto the roofs of the neighbouring buildings. He followed her, fascinated as she moved like a cat over the sloped roofing tiles. She was utterly silent and worryingly quick. He kept up with her but with very little grace, scrambling around chimney pots and almost falling several times. She slowed down to make his life a bit easier, her eyes reflecting the moonlight as she looked back at him.

"You can get around most of London without ever touching the ground," she whispered to him as she showed him different landmarks which would help him to know where they were. The old houses especially were built so close together that you could even jump across streets without much trouble. As they proceeded into a more affluent area they had to climb down and use the roads. The streets were lit with lamps, too, but Kate knew ways to avoid the light. She made Richard think of vampires, or a shadowy spirit haunting criminals. He did his best to copy her and not make a nuisance of himself. This was amazing.

The experience itself was enough, but the writer in him was ecstatic at the thought of writing a character like this. There were so many possibilities; there was so much she could do. Adventures, fights, mystery... He grinned widely, and even more so when they reached Tisdale house.

"How will you find his room?" Richard asked.

"I know where it is. I've been here before."

"When?"

"A few months ago. The Tisdales often have parties; I was invited as Sara."

"And you remember where Jonathan's room is from that?"

"I have a good memory," Kate said with a smile. She pointed up to a window.

"It's that one," she said, completely sure of herself. It was on the first floor. The house was surrounded by a high, iron fence.

"They have dogs," Kate warned him. She pulled out a few pieces of dried meat from her pocket and whistled quietly until two dogs came running up to her. She fed them the meat through the fence and within moments they were both asleep. She winked at Richard, then vaulted on top of the fence in one fluid movement. He hauled himself up there after a few tries and they both landed lightly on the other side.

Kate hopped up onto the ground floor windowsill; the design of the window meant she could use the decorative outer frame to pull herself up to the level of the first floor. Richard managed to do this as well and they slipped through Jonathan's open window. Kate crept through the room and locked his door from the inside, then went up to his bed. There was a woman in it with him, which did not surprise her much. She put her hand over the woman's mouth and shook her awake. Glaring at her until she stopped struggling, Kate handed the woman a robe from the floor and sent her to one side of the room. She gestured to Rick to keep an eye on her.

Then she moved on to Jonathan. He was enjoying the peaceful sleep of a cold blooded killer. The more she looked at him the more she was sure he was a killer. She shook him awake in the same way as she had the girl. He stared at her, terrified.

"It wasn't me," he muttered instantly, as soon as she took her hand away.

"What wasn't?" Kate whispered.

"The girl. That's why you're here. And it wasn't me."

Richard made a face. "Seriously? He confessed already? You didn't even have to persuade him a little bit!"

"Shut up. It's accompany and observe, not participate and annoy. But, yeah, sorry Tisdale. If it wasn't you, how did you know why I'm here?"

"I..."

The guilt was written all over his face. Kate handed him some breeches to put on-

-which was when he made a run for the door. She sighed, waved the key at him, then wrestled him to the floor. He pulled on the breeches and glared at her. The girl was still shaking in the corner beside Richard.

"What's your name?" he whispered to her.

"Amy," she muttered. "I'm.. I'm his sister's maid. What do I... what's going to happen to me?"

Kate appeared behind Richard, holding the cord that was now binding Jonathan's wrists in one hand.

"You'll be fine, Amy. This is the key to the room. Leave it until morning, then tell everyone that Lady Beckett came and took Jonathan away for the murder of Louisa Jennings."

Amy began to cry as she looked up at Jonathan.

"I hope he hangs," she said to Kate. Kate looked Jonathan up and down.

"Me too," she said. Louisa had been so young...

They discovered on the way to the gaol exactly why Jonathan had killed Louisa. He had wanted her for her money and she had discovered this and refused any more of his advances. He said he hadn't meant to kill her, that he had just been holding her and trying to get her to stop talking... They all said that. The officers at the gaol were extremely happy to have their case solved. Louisa had been a high profile victim. Richard hung back while they thanked Kate, then followed her back to Montgomery's.

"You know, you can go home now," she told him. It was almost morning.

He grinned at her. "That was amazing. The way you climbed the roofs, the way you tackled him... Just, amazing."

"Thank you. I'm just glad we caught him."

"Me too but... Wow," he breathed, looking her up and down again as if wondering how so much skill and power could fit into a body so streamlined and beautiful.

"I want a bath," Kate said. "And you're not joining me. So go home."

"Will you come over for dinner later?"

Kate sighed. "Yes. If you leave _now_."

Richard hurried away, blissfully happy. She was the most brilliant woman in the world. He got home and washed quickly, then collapsed into bed, suddenly realising how tired he was. He dreamed about being tackled by a shadowy vampire who could fly over the streets of London.

* * *

A/N: So, thanks for reading, I hope you liked it, please review! Love you all xxx


	11. Chapter 11

11

Lanie waited until well into the afternoon before she brought Kate her breakfast. It wasn't that Kate wouldn't have got up for it whenever she brought it – Kate never seemed to have trouble getting out of bed. But Lanie knew how badly she slept even when she wasn't prowling the streets at night, and tried to encourage her friend to spend longer resting. Kate was completely alert and jumped out of bed as soon as the door to her room opened.

"Took you long enough," she said with a rueful smile.

"You have to sleep and you know it."

"I'm not tired..." Kate was well aware of the fact that she sounded like a whining child. Lanie laughed.

"You'll burn out."

"No I won't," Kate argued, grabbing her coffee and beginning to drink it even though it was really too hot. "Lanie..." she began after a few sips.

"Yes, Kate?" Lanie asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Lanie... What should I wear to dinner with Castle tonight?"

Lanie laughed again. "I can't believe you're asking me this."

"Why not?"

"Because even on the rare occasion that you _are _interested in a man, you never look for my advice about it."

Kate sighed. "This is different. And I'm not interested in him. Not exactly."

"You can keep denying it all you want. You should know, though. He's interested in you."

Kate looked hard at her friend. "No he isn't."

"Yes, he is. The way he looks at you..."

"That's just him being a little... fanboy, because of the whole Lady Beckett thing."

Lanie rolled her eyes. "Right. Of course it is."

"Look, Lanie, I just can't. He's got his daughter and I've got... everything. It wouldn't be fair to him."

"But you agreed to let him shadow you while you work."

"He fought me for it. I lost."

"Katherine Beckett, there is not a man in London you couldn't beat in a fight with both arms tied behind your back. If he won, you let him."

Kate blushed a little. "I... look, he might be useful. He was, in fact. And he's good... He's a great fighter and he's strong and agile, as well as hugely intelligent. Plus, he knows people I don't. He has the ear of the king. He'll be helpful."

"And it doesn't hurt that he's easy on the eyes and a total charmer."

"Stop it. It's not like that."

"I know. But there's a part of you that wants it to be."

"Lanie... Even if I did want that kind of relationship with him, and he did with me, it just wouldn't work. It's too complicated. I can't deal with that right now. It wouldn't be fair to either of us, and it could _only _end badly."

"Girl, I'mma smack you. You are human, and you need a man in your life, and not just to keep your bed warm either."

Kate reddened again. "Look, I'm not judging," Lanie said. "I'm just saying, maybe it would be good for you to be with someone you actually have feelings for, for a change."

Kate sighed. "It's..."

"Complicated. I know. You said. Honey, it always is."

Kate got out of bed and pulled a face at herself in the mirror.

"It's not going to happen, Lanie," she said, still looking at her reflection. She downed her coffee then put down her empty cup on the windowsill. Lanie picked it up; Kate gently took it from her and put it back.

"You're not my slave, Lanie," she said. "I'll take it and wash it when I'm dressed."

"Well then," Lanie said, picking up the tray. "If I'm your equal, will you at least think about what I'm saying?"

Kate turned and looked her friend straight in the eye. "Lanie Parish, you have always been my equal, just as you are the equal of every person on this planet. And of course I'll think about it. I'm already thinking about it."

She pulled her into a hug and Lanie hugged her back. She was a strong woman but she had been beaten down so much, sometimes it was hard for her to remember how free she was now.

"You should wear the black one," she said.

"Which black one?" Kate asked. She went over to her closet. She was currently dressed in only a loose white shirt; her legs looked endless. When she'd seen herself in the mirror, in a way she'd wished she could just see Castle like this. That would be one way to hurry things along.

"The new black one," Lanie told her. Kate laughed.

"I should have known. Lanie, I don't even know why I bought that..."

She took out the dress in question. It was shockingly low cut, much more daring even than the red one she had worn to the ball. It was less fashionable... and there was far less of it. It had a v-cut neck which reached at least as low as the bottom of her ribcage; the back was high but it wasn't something she could wear _out _out. It was sleeveless... she had come up with the design herself when, for once, she'd collected a reward for catching a criminal. She had enough money and the police usually paid her something for bringing people in. But this had been far more than she was used to and she had decided to treat herself.

"I can't..." she said, but she took it off the hanger and held it out in front of her.

"Remember the best thing about it," Lanie taunted.

"No corset..." Kate said wistfully. "But... no. I just can't."

"You could."

"But... _Alexis._"

"Alexis will love it. I love it. Anyone who sees it on you will love it."

"That's not true. They'll think I'm... I don't know. They'll think badly of me."

"Castle won't. And the others don't even know who you are."

Kate winced at the harsh truth of this. "I hope that they still know me. I try to be myself, even though they don't know my name or what I do... I try to still be me."

"And I'm sure you are. I just mean... They won't judge you for this. They'll just be impressed."

Kate looked at the dress again. "I suppose I really should wear it somewhere other than here. To make it worth the money..."

"That's my girl," Lanie said. "Are you doing anything else today before you go to his house?"

Kate shook her head. "No... Maybe some reading."

"You're going to read his book aren't you?" Lanie asked with a grin.

"No..." Kate lied.

"I see right through you. Have fun." Lanie walked out of the room and Kate sighed, picking up Castle's latest book and finding her place. She sat down on her bed and began to read. It was getting very... interesting.

_Derrick grabbed Clara's hand and pulled her up the stairs with him. _

"_There is only one way they're going to think we're not investigating this," he warned her. Clara raised an eyebrow at him._

"_Oh? And what is that?"_

_He chuckled and spun them into a side room. "They have to think we're lovers."_

"_Lovers?" Clara asked, shocked. "What kind of woman do you think I am?"_

"_I think you're one of a kind... _**Kate.**"

Wait, what was she doing? Imagining herself as Clara and Castle as Derrick? She got up off the bed and locked the door of her room before she'd really processed the thought. She sat back on the bed and grabbed the book, colour rising to her cheeks as she read on.

"_You're right there, Rick," she said softly. The door clicked behind them as he pushed her into it; Kate felt him pressing into her as he leaned in to turn the key in the lock._

"_They are listening outside," he whispered in her ear. _

"_So... what do you expect me to do?"_

"_We have to... They have to believe we are-"_

"_Rick, I am not going to-"_

"_I know! You just have to, you know... sound as if you are."_

"_Sound..?"_

_Rick winked at her and let out a quiet moan. "Kate," he muttered. Soon Kate was copying him, the volume of their little performance increasing until they heard first chuckles, then fading footsteps, outside the door. When they were sure their audience had dispersed, Kate sat down on the bed – they were in a small bedchamber – with her arms folded._

"_You told me we were going to a party. You said nothing about... all this."_

"_I thought we were. But you care about justice, don't you Kate?"_

_Kate had to nod. As much as she disliked his haphazard methods, she had to say he did get the job done._

_"Why did you agree to come here tonight?" Rick asked. Kate coloured a little._

_"I... I'm not sure. To be with you, I suppose."_

"_I'm very glad you chose to come. Why did you want to be with me?"_

_Kate paused. Rick was standing in front of her; she looked up at him but there was no longer a need to speak. She tilted her neck and he bowed down to kiss her softly on the lips. She was breathtakingly beautiful; her long brown hair tumbled around her shoulders as his skilful hands snaked around her back and undid the bow that fastened her dress. Despite the elaborate fastenings he had freed her in minutes. He knelt down in front of her and she gasped a little as he moved his mouth from her lips to begin at her ankles. _

_His light kisses worked their way up her long, elegant legs as he pushed aside her light white under-dress. She groaned as they reached their inevitable destination; his hands also doing their part in worshipping her body as her hips rose instinctively at his touch. _

_Rick caressed her as though it was their last night on this earth, as though she would never know another man and he wanted to give her a memory that would last beyond her death. And Kate felt that at this moment she would be happy to die, if only to remain in his arms for the rest of her existence. Her pleasure grew and grew, she caught fistfuls of the sheet on the unfamiliar bed in her hands and began to wish for more, even more, something which she could not have because they were going to live. He knew what she wanted and comforted her gently._

"_One day," he murmured. "But let's get out of this mess first."_

_She laughed, the motion causing a wonderful sensation for both of them. He drank in her happiness as though it were the elixir of life; she screamed for him to take everything he could-_

Kate threw back her head but clenched her lips together, knowing no one could hear the name that was on them. Her body rippled with little aftershocks but there was an edge of pain to them. She did not often do what she had just done. And she had never done it while thinking about, and _reading the words of _someone she knew. Someone she _respected_.

That wasn't really the worst of it, though. In a way that didn't matter much. It was more that... She could no longer deny it. Though she could deny herself, she could not deny that she had the desire. That she wanted him.

As she wiped the traces of her pleasure off her fingers, she sighed at the knowledge that, though she was satisfied for now, there was nothing quite like the real thing. And even the real thing with someone like Josh could not even compare to the real thing with someone like Richard Castle.

* * *

A/N: And there, ladies and gentlemen, is your M rating. Thank you very much, please review. I'm gonna go... over there, for a bit. I'll come back sooner if lots of people ask me (hint hint). Love you! xxx


	12. Chapter 12

12

Richard groaned.

"What is it?" he mumbled. Alexis sighed at him from the doorway.

"Dad, it's almost five o'clock. Sara will be here soon and you're not even dressed yet."

"Go 'way, I'm tired," he complained, putting a pillow over his face as she drew his curtains and let sunlight flood into the room.

"Dad, you've been asleep all day. What time did Sara leave last night? Don't tell me. She left soon after I went to bed but _you _stayed up all night working on a book."

Richard blinked as he forced his eyes to adjust to being open.

"Yes," he said. What he had been doing could be called work. He had been doing research. He didn't lie to Alexis. He never had; not even the little 'white' lies adults often tell children. He wanted her to be able to trust him completely, and he knew that she would never lie to him either. But Kate's secret wasn't his to tell. He was grateful that Alexis had thought up a fairly accurate explanation on her own; she just didn't know _where _he had been working. Alexis made a face at him.

"Well it's your own fault that you're tired. Come on. You have to get up."

Richard groaned, but threw off the covers and got himself out of bed. Alexis left him to get ready.

A bath, a shave, and a set of clean clothes later, he was ready to go downstairs. He had dressed for dinner already; he laughed to himself. He would have to get better at staying up late; he'd lost a whole day because of his adventure the previous night. Alexis was waiting for him in their preferred living room.

"Where's your grandmother?" he asked her, looking around expectantly.

"She went out to dinner at a friend's. She said to tell you good morning, and to say hello to Sara for her."

Richard nodded.

"And what have you been doing today?"

"I did some reading, some music... and I was practising."

"Practising what?"

Alexis looked a little embarrassed. "I was trying to do some of the fighting tricks Sara could do."

Richard smiled at her. "You don't need to be embarrassed about that. If you ask her I'm sure she'd teach you them properly."

Alexis smiled. "I hope so."

She stood up and Richard saw that she was wearing another new dress. It was pretty, a pink thing that somehow managed not to clash with her hair. Alexis saw him looking and twirled around.

"Do you like it? I'm not sure about it now. But I thought since it's only Sara coming I could wear it and see what you two thought of it first."

"I think it's lovely. What did Grams say?"

"She said that I should wear bright colours more because I'm a Castle and I should stand out from the crowd."

"That has always been my mother's philosophy. To me you always stand out, though."

Alexis smiled. "Thanks Dad. But you're useless with clothes. You always tell me I look good."

"You always do look good."

Alexis sighed, knowing she wouldn't get anywhere with him. She hoped Sara would be more help. There was a tap on the door and they both turned around to see their butler open it for Kate. Richard gasped when he saw her; she looked... ravishing. Her hair was up; the dress she wore was like nothing he had ever seen.

"Your dress..." Alexis couldn't help saying.

"What do you think?" Kate asked a little nervously.

"It's... amazing," Alexis said. "You look amazing."

Kate blushed. "Thank you."

Richard just gaped at her. Every time he tried to say something the words just got caught in his throat. He was only just remembering to breathe. Her shoulders, her collarbone, her... chest. The dip of the v of the dress that drew his eyes. The black against her almost golden skin. The little tendrils of her brown hair curling at the side of her face. Her never-ending black eyelashes that matched the deep black silk she wore. The little smile she had as she watched him stare at her. The bones of her face. Her long, strong arms. The long legs he knew were hidden under her rustling skirt. The way she bit her lip because he had been looking for too long but she liked it...

"Sorry," he spluttered. She laughed lightly.

"I'm just glad you like it, and didn't throw me out of the house."

"Throw you out? We're never going to let you leave!"

Alexis smiled, feeling rather awkward. Her father had practically been drooling. He still nearly was.

Kate tried not to blush even more. She felt naked, and it wasn't because of her daring dress. She tried not to think about earlier, but somehow she felt as though he would be able to tell what she had done just by looking at her. Part of her liked it. She felt... fun. Outrageous. Crazy. He was looking at her as though he wanted to tear the dress off her and take her right there. Well. He might wait for Alexis to leave the room. Kate had to smile at that. Poor Alexis.

"I love your dress as well," Kate told her. "The colour looks fantastic on you. You wouldn't think it but... It really works."

Alexis grinned, especially at the honesty of her friend.

"Did you have a good day?" Kate asked her. They were soon discussing the merits of the book Alexis had been reading, and after a few minutes Richard was recovered enough to speak as well. Aside from several sideways glances at Kate's dress, he managed to control himself for the entire meal. He didn't talk much; he was still fairly tired. Kate seemed happy to focus on Alexis. He wondered if she was annoyed with him, but he was mainly relieved that he didn't have to try to keep up a conversation.

Kate noticed that Richard was still tired. She found this rather sweet. He was so new to everything... but she could tell he was going to stick at it. There was a rush... she had felt it the first time she'd caught a bad guy, and she knew he had felt it too the night before. She was glad he didn't seem up to speaking much. She didn't think she would be able to keep... his book, out of her mind. She focused on Alexis. She liked the girl a lot. She felt so guilty for still being 'Sara' with her, but she was as honest as she possibly could be. She had a lot in common with the teenager.

When they were back in the living room Richard went to the piano to play something quietly, successfully excluding himself from conversation. Kate and Alexis continued to talk. Kate wished there was another way but she just coudn't see it.

"Sara?" Alexis asked her suddenly.

"Sorry – what?"

"I'm going to go to bed," Alexis said pointedly. She lowered her voice. "Once I'm gone, either do something about how you feel, or stop looking at my father like that!"

Kate's eyes widened. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-"

"Yes you did. I don't mind. I... you're my favourite out of every woman he's been interested in. And I know you're interested too. I mean, you wore _that_."

Kate blushed, but she was smiling.

"You've seen through me. But... it's complicated."

Alexis shrugged. "I don't know much about complicated. Goodnight, Sara."

"Goodnight," Kate said quietly as Alexis went to kiss her father on the cheek, then left the room.

And then they were alone. Kate stood up, not really knowing what to do. Richard stood up too and moved out from behind the piano. They just looked at each other. Kate knew Richard had been ogling her all evening but what he didn't know was that she had been ogling him. The way his breeches fitted him, the muscles of his arms... Suddenly she walked briskly towards him. She was a woman of action. She stopped just inches away from him and looked up to fix him with a steely gaze.

"No," she said simply. "Not today."

"Why?"

This was harder, but she managed to explain without getting emotional.

"Because I am not stable. I will not be good for you, and you have a daughter."

She sounded so cold. He couldn't accept what she was saying, though.

"You will be good for me. You _are _good for me."

"Castle, you've known me for one weekend."

"More than a weekend. A good three days. And, so?"

"So... fools rush in." It sounded lame to her even before she said it, but she had no intention of backing down.

"Sometimes," he said. He was happy she was close. So close he could smell her, taste her... "You smell like cherries," he murmured. He felt as well as saw her jolt. He grinned at the effect he had on her. He might have been single for a while, but he was no stranger to picking up women. And this was a women he very, very much wanted to pick up. And then throw down onto a bed...

"I won't do it."

"You want to."

"I... that's neither here nor there." She couldn't lie to him. She'd had enough of lying.

"Why shouldn't you? I wouldn't be needy." Kate laughed a little at his pleading face.

"You're being needy now."

"Different kind of needy."

"Do you need to be my friend or my lover, Castle?"

"Both," he answered instantly.

"And if you had to choose one?"

"Now, or in general?"

"You can give me both answers."

"In general, friend. But.. now? In _that _dress? Kate, you're no novice. You knew what wearing that was going to do. So if you don't want it, why did you wear it?"

"What I wear shouldn't have any influence on what you expect from me."

"In principal, in other situations, I agree. But you wore this to an informal meal. And it is _very_..."

"Very what?"

"Exciting," he said with a smile.

"Thank you."

"Always. So – why did you wear it?"

Kate grinned. "Maybe I like to see you squirm."

Richard grinned back. "Maybe you do. But you're squirming too."

"And do you like that?"

"I do. Although I feel at a disadvantage."

"Oh? And why is that?"

"You let me win the fight. You're always in control."

"I did not let you win." Forget not lying. That was something she would _never _tell him.

"Yes you did. You're too good."

"And you don't think you're better?"

"I may come across as arrogant, Beckett, but I'm not stupid. You let me win because you like me, because you wanted me to work with you."

"You're free to believe what you like."

"And you're free to lie as much as you want. To yourself, too. But when it gets too much, I'll be waiting."

"Don't hold your breath."

"I don't have a choice. You're breathtaking."

"You can play with words all you want. The dress is staying on."

"Good. It looks far better on you than it would anywhere else."

Kate laughed, but it was partly to disguise her more serious feelings. She didn't know what she was doing. He might think she was in control but it was all just a front. Underneath the mask she was flailing around, desperately trying to decide what she ought to do. Until a few days ago she had been drowning, and Richard seemed a lot like dry land. She couldn't leave him. She didn't want to in the slightest. But... she was broken. Starting anything with him would be horribly selfish and unfair.

And she was afraid. She didn't know what would happen. She didn't even know what it felt like to be with someone she felt this strongly about. She had never really felt this way, if she was honest with herself.

"Your brow furrows when you're thinking..." Richard commented. "It's cute. What are you thinking about?"

"Lying," she answered shortly.

"Lying to me or lying to you?"

"Both."

"Let me tell you something true."

"Go on."

"You want me to kiss you," he said, bringing his face down so their noses were almost touching. "More than anything. Every hair on your body is standing on end, your heart is starting to beat faster, your hands ache to touch me just as your lips ache for mine." He was so close now he was speaking into her slightly open mouth. "You want this. You hate yourself for it but it isn't weak. And you feel guilty, but it isn't selfish. Because I want it too. Everything you're feeling, everything you're trying to deny... I feel it too. You think this is a bad idea. But you know what?"

"What?" she whispered.

"You're wrong," he said simply, then crushed his mouth to hers. She arched her back and stood on tiptoe as he pulled her close; she ran her hands into his hair and felt his hands move into hers as well. He tugged out the roll on top of her head, dropping the pins on the floor. Kate was so alert she heard them tap on the floor – a light ringing which Richard's kiss made continue in her ears for several minutes. When they finally broke apart, gasping for air, Kate had to sit down. She was completely dazed. She felt so alive...

"Goodnight," Richard said suddenly. Her eyes snapped to him. He winked at her. "You can show yourself out. We're even now."

She stared at him blankly.

"I really did win that one," he explained, then left the room. Kate just sat there, staring at the empty space where he had been, wondering where the hell Lady Beckett had gone.

* * *

A/N: Thanks for reading and for all the reviews for the last chapter! Love you guys! Please review this one, and HAPPY APRIL 1ST! I hope you enjoy all the wonderful things in store for us today...

Also - I've tweeted a picture of the dress. My twitter name is the same as on here, if you're interested in seeing it or just want to laugh at my pathetic drawing, go for it!


	13. Chapter 13

13

HAPPY CASTLE100 MONDAY! And thanks so much to the super cute people who have been tweeting me telling me to hurry up and write this chapter. I love you guys!

* * *

After some time, Kate had no idea how long, she began to come to her senses again. He had told her to leave. So she would. She had to. She _wanted _to. She had never even wanted to kiss him. He had just been childish and silly. He had beaten her, but it hadn't been fair, and she could go now. Like she _wanted _to. She WANTED to leave! She did!

She was still sitting in the chair. She bit her lip. She didn't even know which room was his... If she went upstairs to look for him she wouldn't be able to find him anyway. She'd probably end up in Alexis' room!

And it was all immaterial because she wanted to leave. She wanted to leave. She had never wanted him to kiss her, she was glad he had gone, and she wanted to leave. She stood up. She wanted to leave. She rolled her shoulders and adjusted her posture to one of strength and control. She wanted to leave! She walked the ten paces to the door of the living room and put her hand on the handle. She wanted to leave! She opened the door and looked into the hallway. She WANTED to leave! She walked to the stand where the butler had put her cape. Ryan. The butler. He was nice. She picked up her cape and took her gloves out of the pocket. Her hands were shaking but SHE WANTED TO LEAVE! She put on the gloves. SHE WANTED TO LEAVE! She put her cape over her shoulders and felt for the knife she kept concealed beneath her skirt. She went to the front door. The lock would snap into place when she closed it from the outside. She wouldn't be able to get back in once she'd gone through it. Which was fine, because SHE WANTED TO LEAVE!

She threw herself through the door and slammed it closed, leaning against it taking deep, panting breaths. Well. That was that.

She hurried through the streets. It would take her 45 minutes to walk home; it was late but not too late. She would go to bed, no prowling the streets tonight. She had been walking for about five minutes when she realised he hadn't invited her back tomorrow. So when would she see him again?

She realised five minutes afterwards that he would be with her tomorrow night, following her around. There hadn't been a murder that she would need to solve; they would be going to the danger areas where people preyed on young women, mostly. Society was so unfair. Kate wished young women could be taught how to defend themselves, but there was barely even any acknowledgement of the problem. She was glad Rick had educated Alexis. She would have found it hard to like him if he hadn't.

She had promised to have tea with Alexis and her friends, too. She wondered when that would be. It was Monday night. She didn't think it would be the next morning, but it could be as soon as Wednesdays. She chuckled. She would have to prepare herself emotionally. Most young women seemed to take a lot of patience.

There was someone behind her. She felt it instantly. She stopped. They stopped too. Her frustration morphed instantly into resolve, all her energy channelling into alert, defensive power. She kept her breathing calm and began to walk again so they wouldn't suspect anything. They were good. They were keeping their footfalls in time with hers. He. He was too heavy to be a woman. She slid her hand through the gap in her dress that Lanie had helped her put in and pulled out her knife. She kept it concealed beneath her cape and walked a little faster, trying to get as close to home as possible. Montgomery might be older, but he was strong and had scared away several criminals in his time.

He was getting faster, and he was getting faster faster than she was. He was catching up. He had noticed she was hurrying and thought she might be running away. He wasn't going to let her. He was almost on her; she let him catch up but just before he could strike she threw a flying kick to his jaw. He gave out a loud yell.

"Hey, it's me!" it sounded like.

"Castle?" she whispered loudly. She squinted at her attacker through the darkness. It was him!

"Castle, what the hell do you think you're doing?"

He rubbed his jaw, still sitting in the road. "Helping you catch bad guys," he mumbled. Kate dragged him to his feet and under a gas lamp.

"Tilt your head up," she told him. He did as she said, shuddering with pleasure or pain, he didn't know, as she ran her gloved fingers along his jaw.

"You'll be fine. You'll have a bruise, though."

"Don't feel fine," he muttered.

"Well it's your own fault! Why were you following me like that?"

"I... I didn't know if you'd be ready to talk to me yet. I was going to wait until you were home."

"And you thought you could follow me without me noticing? Castle, remind me, what do I _do_?"

"Look, I didn't... I don't know. I wanted to surprise you, I thought it would be funny."

Kate laughed. "Actually, I am finding it a bit funny now," she said, looking at his puppy eyes and wounded expression.

"You're cruel."

"You're an idiot."

"We make a pretty good team, then."

"We're not a team. There is no team. I work alone."

"You want me as your partner. You let me win, you weren't just forced into it."

"No I don't."

"You do. You like it. You want us to be friends."

"I'm not having this conversation. I wasn't going to go out tonight. You should go home."

"Why weren't you going to go out tonight?"

_Because I was going talk to my friend and then lie in bed thinking about you_. "I didn't know when I'd get back, and then you seemed far too tired. And I don't have a murder to investigate; the police seem to be coping."

It sounded like an odd explanation – not to him, but to her. She _always _went out, but now she had been planning to stay in, to let people go unprotected, just because of a _man_? Because of Richard Castle? She was ashamed of herself.

"If you aren't tired, we can go out. I'll show you what I do when I don't have a particular person to catch."

They started walking in the direction of Montgomery's.

"What do you do?" he asked her, rubbing his jaw again.

"I go to the big halls where there are dances and watch women going home alone to make sure they get back safely."

Richard stared at her. "Wait, really? That's what you do every night?"

"Don't you think someone should?"

"Well... yes, but isn't that what the police are for?"

"The police are useless. They only patrol the main streets and each officer has a huge area to cover."

"But... why should it be you?"

"I ask myself that but the other way around. Why shouldn't it be? And the answer is there is no answer. I'm qualified. I'm good at it. I'm no better than anyone else, I have the time, I don't need a paying job, and I don't have any dependants."

"But you... You're so..."

"Pretty? I'm glad you think so but that is completely irrelevant."

"You have people who care about you."

"My mother is dead, my father is a drunk, and I have no other family."

"I care about you."

"You met me three days ago. And you don't need me. You just want to sleep with me."

"Kate, I don't know how long it's been for you but I hope I don't have to explain to you that there will be no sleeping."

"Fine. You want to have sexual intercourse with me. Now we've given it the proper definition-"

"Can I just say that hearing you say that is incredibly hot?"

"You already have said it. Anyway. Your _desire _for me is not a reason for me not to help people."

"But it's something for you to live for, too. I think you do it because you think it wouldn't matter if you got hurt. You don't want to die, but if you had to die to keep people safe, you would. You say you're no better than other people, and you're right. We're all equal. But being equal, Kate, means you're no _worse_, either."

His eyes were suddenly so soft, all traces of teasing had disappeared.

"You know you're strong. You know you're beautiful. You know you're clever. So why don't you know what you're worth?"

Kate looked at him. She didn't really understand, but in a way she did.

"I'm worth just the same as anyone else."

"And what is everyone worth? What is every life worth?"

"Life is priceless."

"So what are you?"

"Castle, this is just silly."

"Kate, you just said it. What are you?"

"I... look, you're tricking me. Stop messing around."

"Why is it making you so uncomfortable? I'm not messing around. Think about it. What is Alexis' life worth?"

"It's priceless, of course."

"And mine?" he asked with a small smile. Kate smiled back.

"Priceless, too."

"And Lanie's?"

"Priceless."

"And since all people are equal, and of equal worth – what is your life worth?"

Kate sighed. "I know what you want me to say so I will. It's priceless."

"But you don't believe it."

"I..."

"You don't. You've shut yourself up behind all these walls and you won't come out, you won't admit that there's even someone in there. You're controlled, you're sensible, you help people... But you don't want to feel. You don't want to give yourself the _right _to feel. But you have it. You don't have a choice, you don't get to decide. You have the right to feel, your life is priceless, and you have the right to love."

"That's a very nice speech, Castle. You use words so well to turn something hugely complicated into something you can explain away in a minute."

"So you don't have another part of you that you shut away?"

"I... Stop it. Just stop."

"What?"

"You heard me. Stop, or leave."

"Why? Are you afraid of what you'll admit? It's okay, I already know!"

"Castle! This isn't one of your books and I'm not one of your characters! You can't play with my life and you can't make me do what you want. I'm sure that in a book you and I would be in bed together within a week but this isn't a book! This is not a story! It is my life and I do not need you to tell me how to live it."

"I'm not telling you how to live it. I just want you to acknowledge that yes, you are priceless, and to at least think about how you feel."

Kate was furious with him now. She wasn't even sure why. They were almost outside her door; she would not let him in. "And why do you want me to do that?" she said icily. "Because I think it has a lot to do with how _you _feel, and absolutely nothing to do with me."

"You're wrong!" he shouted. "I care about you."

"No you don't." Kate threw her cape on the ground and held out her arms. "You care about this. You care about your character, this woman who would no doubt welcome your affection and the fact that you _care _about her, you want her to _feel_. I'm sure she'd find it absolutely adorable. But I am not her! So stop looking at me like you know what to do, like you know me, because you might know my name, Richard Castle, but you know absolutely nothing else!"

She was crying now. He stared at her helplessly, wishing he knew what to say but unable to think of anything that wouldn't upset her.

"Kate," he began eventually, taking a step towards her. She backed away instantly. "Kate, I didn't mean-"

"No. I'm sure you didn't," she said shortly. "I think you can go home now."

She waited for him to leave. He looked at her for several minutes and tried to speak a couple of times but her glare stopped him. He walked home wondering how such good intentions on his part could have turned into something so awful.

* * *

Kate hung her feet off the flat roof and watched the street. Everyone seemed to be getting into carriages; no women were going off on their own. She wiped her eyes, still stunned that she had actually cried. She felt bad for not explaining to Lanie but she would explain in the morning. She hadn't been up to it when she got in from fighting with Castle.

But she was never so _weak_. Lady Beckett did not break down and cry, especially not because of a man. And because of a man telling her she was priceless. It was so... When she thought about it objectively there wasn't really anything to be upset about. The only explanation was that he had been right. That everything he said had been absolutely true but instead of admitting it, she had chosen to insult him and accuse him of being interested in her for nothing more than her body. She had been beyond cruel, beyond selfish. She had crushed him, when all he'd done was care about her.

And now she would have to live with the fact that she would never see him, or his daughter, again. She had said enough to drive them both away forever.

* * *

A/N: So, thanks for reading, please review, and no, of course this is not the end, and of course she hasn't really driven him away forever! xxx


	14. Chapter 14

14

A/N: I wasn't going to give you a chapter today; I have to study and do other things – but something happened to really annoy me and now I am in my room in need of a way to turn my frustration into something... else.

* * *

Kate was staring into the street but she wasn't really looking or concentrating. She was thinking about Richard. He filled her head. She had been so cruel to him, she had... Her mind whirled round in circles. She had the feeling of complete desolation, a feeling that came with the knowledge of having done something terrible to her life, something terrible, and something irreversible.

She deserved to be here. She deserved to be alone. She stood up, balancing on the edge of the building. She deserved this. She didn't deserve happiness. Her chest might feel as though someone was driving a knife into it – but some chests really did have knives driven into them, and it was her job to bring justice to those people. That was her path. She felt guilty, so guilty, for what she had said to Richard, but maybe it had been the right thing. He... he couldn't be right. He hadn't meant any harm, but he couldn't be right.

She was forced out of herself by a scream. She looked down into an alleyway and saw a young girl being dragged away by a burly man dressed in black. It was so stereotypical – but it happened so often. She jumped down, landing like a cat after the drop. She drew her sword and as she always did, thought of Javi and what he had taught her. She ran for the man holding the girl but her emotions had gotten the better of her. She hadn't noticed the two other men – two men who were now behind her. She swung her sword, hitting one of them with the flat of the blade hard enough to knock him out. He fell but the other man was still going at her, and then the one holding the girl pulled out a knife. He held it to the girl's throat.

"Drop it or I'll kill her," he growled. Kate looked around. She couldn't win. If she went for the one holding the girl the other would hit her from behind. If she went for the other one the girl could die. She made her decision and dropped her sword. It clattered on the ground. The guy behind her picked it up. She had to laugh a little. It was too heavy for him.

"Tie her up-" the burly man began but he was cut short when someone appeared from the darkness and hit him on the head with a rock, before flinging the rock at the other attacker and hitting him in the head. The girl cried with relief. Kate picked up her sword.

"Tell me you saw that!" Richard said as he appeared from the darkness. He was at least wearing a mask so no one else would know who he was.

"You? Seriously?"

"Hey! I just saved your ass!"

"Ass?"

"Picked it up in America."

"Right. And, no you didn't. I had it under control."

"Sure you did."

"Shut up. Uhm, Miss... Where are you headed?"

The girl had been looking between them, completely confused.

"Are you... Lady Beckett? I owe you my life. And him too. Who's he?"

"I'm her plucky sidekick," Richard said before Kate could speak.

"Well... Thank you. So much."

"That's alright. Next time, don't leave the party alone or use this kind of street. Where's your home?"

The girl bit her lip and told them an address over a mile away. Kate led her back to the main road and found a carriage that she could pay to take her home. Then she and Richard went back to the street to tie up the three men and take them to the gaol. When they were finally rid of the disgusting trio Kate looked up at Richard.

"Why... why didn't you leave?"

"Because you don't know what you want any more than I do. And look at tonight. You need my help."

"I..." she was trying to apologise but she couldn't seem to find the words. Richard smiled.

"I know," he said. She stared at him.

"Don't you want me to say it?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because you don't want to."

"Yes I do."

"No you don't. You think it would be right, you think you should. But you don't want to."

"I..."

"I see right through you, Beckett."

"You're just a lucky guesser."

"If you say so."

"Stop it."

"Stop what?"

"Being so nice, being so innocently nice to me. Acting as though you don't have another agenda."

"I don't. Well..." he looked down. "Perhaps a part of me does. But most of me just wants to make you smile. And to get to know you. The real you."

"But... why?"

"You're a mystery."

"Some mysteries are better left as mysteries."

"Do you really believe that?"

Kate bit her lip.

"I... I can't be who you want me to be."

"I don't want you to be anything but yourself."

"And who is that?"

"Whoever you like."

"That's a very simplistic way of looking at it."

"I like simple. Infinitely preferable to complicated."

"Then leave me alone."

"Fine. That was a lie. I hate simple. Especially when it comes to women. Now. I have a question for you and I want you to answer truthfully."

"Why should I?"

"Because I saved you, but more than that, because you want to tell me."

"Ask it, then."

Richard suddenly seemed a little nervous. Kate softened her expression. After all, he had saved her life that night.

"What is it that you want tonight, Kate? If there were no consequences, if it didn't matter, if it would never be spoken of again, if no one would know-"

Her mouth was on his again while he was still speaking. She struggled with the fastening of his black shirt and ended up just tearing it off him, running her hands over his bare chest. He shivered, but it wasn't the cold.

"Home," she growled. Richard, having been so in control, was now completely under hers. They ran hand in hand through the streets. Kate felt Javi banging against her hip and fleetingly wondered what the hell she was doing. But then she felt Richard's strong hand holding hers and she didn't even care. He had said one night. One night with no consequences, one night that they would never even speak of again.

_Don't you owe him more than that_? whispered a little voice in her head. But for once she didn't listen. He wanted it too. She was sick of living for the good of others, to protect others. She was sick of thinking, of doing the right thing. In a way she was relieved that after so many years of listening only to her head, her heart was still screaming, and still able to take control of her.

Once that obstacle was gone, she did think of another one but she put it out of her mind too. She didn't know what her head would say if it ever found out. She didn't know what Lady Beckett would say. She didn't know what Sara would say. She didn't know what any of them would say but she had a feeling it would involve a lot of shouting and calling her an idiot. But she didn't care. She didn't know who she was now. But whoever she was, that girl was free. Free, young, and...

She opened the door and Richard slammed her against it as soon as they were through it. He pressed against her and she felt ALIVE. Their mouths were a tangle of lips and tongue and teeth; she moaned no matter where he touched her because he was so good and it was all just so good... He pinned her arms above her head and dragged off her shirt. He laughed at the belt of knives she had on under it and unbuckled it.

"Maybe next time," he muttered. She laughed.

"How can you make jokes now?" she asked. He knelt in front of her and pulled off one of her boots.

"It's easy. And who I am," he said, pulling off the other then moving on to his own. He stood up again and undid her other belt. "What is it with women and wearing so many damn layers?" he asked as he dragged it off her and let Javi clatter to the ground for the second time in one night. Kate tugged off her under shirt while Rick unbuttoned her breeches and his own.

"For some women it's their only way of-" she yanked his head down to her mouth again, "-controlling their lives."

"Seems a waste of time," he said into her mouth. She rolled her hips as she felt him pushing into her.

"So, writer boy. Ever done it in a bookshop?"

Richard laughed. "Now who's making jokes?"

Kate grinned into the laugh which was tumbling down her throat like... nothing she'd ever felt. She shuffled out of the breeches and was left only in little red panties. Richard grinned at those too.

"I knew you wouldn't be wearing all black."

"Oh? And what about you?" she asked, tugging at what was actually his last item of clothing. He grinned as she raised her eyebrows in admiration. Then he had a thought.

"Wait, is it really alright for me to-"

"Honestly, I don't care."

"I do," he said kissing her neck. "I don't by any stretch of the imagination mean that we should stop but-" he moved down to her chest, "-there are other things we can do."

"That may be," Kate muttered, twisting her fingers in his hair as his strong hands still forced her against the door. "But cross your fingers, Ricky, because they aren't going to be enough tonight."

Richard nipped her skin and she had to stifle a scream. "As you wish, my Lady."

Her panties were on the floor and then he was up again. He forced her to look into his eyes.

"Last chance," he muttered. She grabbed him; he was already hard and those punishing baby blues rolled back into his head for a second.

"I'm sure," she returned, guiding him towards her. He got hold of her thighs and lifted her up, using the door to hold her in place as she bit into his shoulder, moving up and down as tears came to her eyes. His hands were still exploring every inch of her skin, making every cell scream with frustration and desire. He rocked her slowly, she could tell he was smiling. She could feel it in his every movement. She didn't know if that counted as laughing but she wouldn't have it. As far gone as she was, she managed to kick off the door so he stumbled backwards. He knocked over a bookshelf as he fell; he ended up on the floor with her on top of him. She began to move faster but he wasn't done; they battled for control as he used a finger to wind her closer to the edge and rolled them over so he was on top again.

His only advantage over her was his weight; just as when they were fighting, he had her pinned and though she could have escaped there was nothing she wanted less. She opened her legs wider and dug her nails into his back. He knew she was unbearably close. He moved his mouth down to kiss her and her back arched; he slid his hands up her sides – and he _winked _at her.

She didn't think she'd ever come laughing before. She screamed and he helpfully covered her mouth so they didn't wake the landlord whose shop they were busy destroying. She closed her eyes and let the golden light flow through her body as it moved of its own accord. When she opened them she blinked hard and forced herself into the moment. She grinned and hooked her knees around his and swung them around so she was on top again. He was almost there now but he still wanted to talk.

"I bet you get out of bed the moment you even half wake up in the morning, too," he commented. The words came out a little slurred but his hands were still doing exactly what he wanted them to. She rocked up and down, leaning forward so she could kiss him; she gently bit a nipple and he groaned; she moved again and traced her hand down her own body; he watched with a mildly dazed expression. She put her hand over the one that was intent on driving her crazy and moved it away; leaning into him again she put his finger in her mouth and sucked hard. He felt him flood into her as his head lifted up then smacked against the floor. He cried out 'Kate' and her last thought was she hoped he wasn't hurt on that side of his head as well, then the noise he was making pulled her to where he was and she threw her head back. This time he didn't stop her shouting; perhaps he couldn't reach; perhaps because she was shouting out his name just as he had shouted hers.

They took a good half hour to recover enough to tidy up their clothes and fix the bookshelf, and when that was done, maybe it was something to do with the fact that Richard hadn't bothered to actually _put on _any of his clothes, Kate was more than ready to drag him up to her bedroom.

"Why the hurry?" he asked as they ran up the stairs. Kate turned round; her beautiful golden brown hair tumbling around her flushed face. She grinned.

"One night. Your stamina not up to it?"

Richard laughed and she screeched as he scooped her into his arms. "Don't turn this into a competition."

Kate giggled. "But I am very competitive..."

* * *

He was right, she did like to get up as soon as she woke up.

"No, stay in bed," he mumbled as she rolled out from under the sheets. They hadn't locked the door; Lanie had been in and left two washbasins instead of one. Kate washed quickly and dried herself; by the time she was done Richard was awake enough – he had watched. She turned to him.

"You should go home before Alexis gets up and wonders where you are."

"Wait, what time is it?"

"A little after six. I woke up to the bells chiming."

"Alexis won't be up until nine. Please come back to bed."

Kate sighed and sat on the edge of it.

"Was this just a one time thing?" he asked her. She looked up at him.

"I'm not going to lie to you. When I kissed you last night I thought it would be. But now I..."

Richard laughed. "I've won you over. You're a wonderful hypocrite. You want more of _this_." He gestured to himself with a wide grin.

"Shut up. Maybe." She smiled. "It's not just that. It's... it's everything. But-"

"But you're worried it's going to be complicated."

Kate nodded. "And I just can't deal with that."

"Okay then. What about this. I'll be your partner, I'll help you at your work, and if we... want, I'll come back here afterwards. But when you're visiting in public, when you're Sara, we're just friends."

Kate thought about it. "And you'd be... That would be alright with you?"

Richard knew what she meant. He didn't know, if he was honest. But what he did know was that the woman he might well be in love with was on the verge of agreeing to be with him.

"If I knew you weren't going to be with anyone else..."

Kate laughed a little. "After last night... I don't think it's even worth me being with anyone else."

Richard grinned. It was adorable. "Really?" he asked honestly.

"I don't think you need to get any more big headed. But, yes."

"The best?"

Kate winked. "Not telling."

"Will you admit it if I tell you you're the best _I've_ ever had?"

"No. I already know I am."

Richard laughed again. "Now who's big headed?"

Kate lay back down on the bed and let him pull her towards him. Then she sighed.

"What?"

"I just got all cleaned up," she said regretfully.

"I'd be happy to clean you up again in half an hour."

Kate sighed, not her usual sigh but a little sound of happy pleasure that Richard thought was heavenly. He kissed her softly and she melted into him, soon reduced yet again to a puddle in the middle of her white sheets.

* * *

A/N: So, thank you for reading, and now you can all get off my back about... that. Please review! I know you were all totally occupied with the 100th episode (EPIC, by the way!) but you barely even deserve this. If I think you're not interested I can punish you... Love reserved for reviewers. Wow, I really am desperate! xxx


	15. Chapter 15

15

A/N: It's 0038 and I am looking at my laptop like, "Should I? Shouldn't I?" Sadly I have decided no, I will study and I'll write this chapter in the morning. (So that's why you didn't get one last night. #fascinatingstories)

This one is for Dionizia, Lisa, Verity (even though she's in China), Serena (again), Jo (if she ever gets past ch11 - she wins best comment so far - "Is Lady B a lesbian?"), and KT (katietheunicorn)! You guys are awesome, thank you for making me feel awesome too!

* * *

Kate lay in bed watching Richard get washed and dressed, much as he had watched her earlier. She smiled to herself.

"You look like the cat that got the cream," he said. The pun wasn't lost on her and she giggled, stretching out to luxuriate in the sunlight that was seeping onto the bed through the gap in the curtains. Richard grinned.

"Who are you this morning?"

"What do you mean?" she asked sleepily.

"I mean... your mood... I've never seen you like this before."

Kate closed her eyes and smiled widely. Honestly, she had no idea what had got into her. But she wasn't going to tell him that – his ego did _not _need it.

"You haven't seen me like much before. Today is Tuesday. We met on Friday. It's understandable that you might not have seen everything."

Richard knelt back down on the bed and leaned over her, dropping a kiss to her forehead.

"I may not have seen everything, but I have seen a great deal."

Kate surprised him, pushing up and rolling on top of him.

"You ain't seen nothin' yet," she told him in an adorably harsh cockney accent. He pushed her away gently and wriggled off the bed.

"Will I see you later?" he asked, tucking his shirt in and smoothing it out.

"Do you mean at your house for a visit, or tonight?"

"Both, I suppose. Would you like to visit? Alexis would love it if you came for dinner."

"Then I'll see you at your house."

"Excellent. And will we be fighting crime tonight?"

Kate laughed. "I might be. I'll visit the police station today to see if they need my help with anything. I'll let you know later."

"And what about after that?"

Kate raised her eyebrows. "We'll see."

"You're a cruel woman."

"You're an easy mark. Now go on home before your daughter wakes up!"

Richard grinned and pulled her up for one last kiss before hurrying out of the door. Kate sighed. She didn't know what to think. She _felt _amazing. She couldn't wait for the evening, when she would just be with him again. It wasn't just the sex, it was being in his company, being with him, joking with him, talking with him... He made her feel young and free and interesting, he made her feel 'normal' but at the same time as though what they had together was the most fantastic, rare, exotic thing anyone could ever have.

But then there were the other feelings. The guilt that crept into her heart from her over-active mind, the worry about his life and his daughter and the danger she was putting them in, the anger at herself for rejecting the promise she had made to herself when she was 19 about putting others first, always. As soon as he had gone, her brain, which had been so relaxed and peaceful, kicked into gear and began tearing apart all the hope she had found the night before, all the joy and lust and... love? Not love. It couldn't be love.

She would not let her heart be broken again. She couldn't get into this. It had been a wonderful night and she had agreed to more because he was like a drug, like the opium that all these people seemed to take, the magical flower that took you somewhere far away where there was no pain... She was an addict after one dose, already desperate for the next. She was forgetting all that was important. She wanted to give up on her mother, give up on those who needed her, give up on _justice_! He was changing her, changing her values.

She couldn't let him change who she was. But could she be with him, be his friend and his lover but never his wife, without becoming attached? Without wanting more? And ignoring the risks... Ignoring the one gigantic risk that she had ignored the night before. She wasn't stupid. She could count. She knew when it was impossible and when it would _probably _be alright. But that was a huge _probably_. She knew how valuable life was. As Richard had said. Priceless. But what if they got careless? What if she needed the drug so badly she didn't remember to count, or she did but the pull of him was so strong she decided to risk it anyway? And what if they created a priceless life?

Kate would never be a mother. She knew... because she did not want to bring a child into the world that she saw. Into the world which had taken her own mother from her. She would protect the children of others. She had made this choice nine years ago... she forced herself to believe that there was no going back on it.

But... the risk was there. The risk that so many people took.

Kate got out of bed. Lying in bed half the morning, what had he done to her? She washed again in the now-cold water and put on some respectable clothes to go to the police station. She wore a bonnet with a low veil; her face was entirely hidden by it. She walked quickly; though the sun was shining it could not quite negate the effect of the Autumn chill which had fallen over London.

The officer at the front desk of the station handed her an envelope. This was how it worked. She took it with a nod and left. The envelope meant a case that they couldn't solve. The envelope meant she would definitely be working tonight.

She tried to get back to her room without meeting Lanie but her friend was too alert for that. Lanie was nice, though. She helped Kate take off her bonnet and made some coffee for them to drink while they talked. Kate left the envelope in her room. It could wait.

"So..." Lanie began. Kate stayed silent. It wasn't that she wanted to hide anything from her friend. It was just that she wasn't sure how to explain. Lanie seemed to understand.

"Did you know it took Javi and I a year before he even dared kiss me?"

Kate's eyes widened. "No. You never told me that."

"Well, it did. A whole year. Do you want to know why?"

Kate nodded eagerly. Lanie wasn't a great talker about her past; she had been born into slavery. Kate knew it had been traumatic but Lanie was a strong woman and didn't like to be pitied.

"He liked me from the day we met, the day I was sold. I was only sold because I was too smart, they didn't like that I could read. He called me 'Chica'. He was there with his master running errands and he winked at me from outside the ring. I was too strong willed to be embarrassed; his master must have noticed me too because the next thing I knew Javi had a black eye but the master was bidding on me. That night he came to visit me in my new room, it was in the basement of the house. He sat with me and we talked and joked, I knew that we would be friends. I liked him, too. I wanted more. And so did he, certainly. But I never let him touch me, not for a whole year."

"Why, though?"

"Because I wanted to make sure he wasn't going to go anywhere. I wanted to make sure nothing was going to happen, that we were secure, that we would be able to be together forever. I wanted to be ready. I wanted to know everything before I did anything."

Kate knew exactly what Lanie meant now. Lanie saw her frown as she understood.

"I don't mean that thinking about things is wrong. But thinking about them for too long does nothing but waste time. With some people there is no why. You just _know _that it's supposed to be. And I think you know you're supposed to be with Castle. There's nothing you can do about it. It's never going to change. So you might as well go for it while you're both fit and young and healthy, and most of all, living."

Kate pulled Lanie into a hug. Lanie pushed her away.

"Don't pity me. Just don't make the mistake I made."

Kate nodded. "I don't know what I'd do without you."

"You'd do exactly the same as you do now. You've never been one to take other people's advice."

Kate laughed. "You do make a very good point, though. Maybe that's why we... I don't know."

"I know why you slept with him."

"Why?"

"Because you had to. Because he loves you."

"Lanie! He does not love me!"

"I see it in his eyes. That's not just lust or admiration. That's love."

"He can't love me! He's known me for four days!"

"I loved Javi after four minutes. It's love. I'm not saying you love him but I am saying you need to be loved. And that's why you did it. And that's why you'll do it again."

"We... I let him do everything. Even though..."

"Be as careful as you can. I know you will be anyway. And if you do... have an accident... well, I always wanted to care for a child.

Kate laughed. "You're so relaxed about it."

"There's no point crying over spilt milk, and even less point crying over milk that's still safe in the glass and might not ever be spilt at all."

Kate grinned. "Thank you."

"What for?"

"For... making me feel almost as good as I did this morning."

"I'm flattered. Especially considering just _how _good you were feeling this morning."

"How do you-"

"You were fairly vocal about your mood at some points."

Kate blushed. "Sorry."

"Don't be. I'm happy for you. All real?"

Kate blushed more. "Yes, all real. Of course."

"Don't you of course me. You fake them all the time. Such a selfless person."

"Not really. Not _all _the time."

"Who gave you the last real one – apart from him?"

Kate thought her face might have turned into a tomato.

"And apart from you?" Lanie grinned at her. "You're so shy. Try sharing a bed with another woman, and a room with two more, both of whom were married. You'd get used to this kind of thing in a flash."

Kate smiled. "Josh...wasn't very good. He was sweet, though. Tom... he managed a few. Will... well the first time I was with him, yes. The rekindling thing... not so much. Some other things... there have been a few that were okay. What about you?"

Lanie winked. "Just Javi. I'm the one and done type."

Kate sighed. "There was a time when I thought I would be too."

"I think you are. And I think Castle's the one," Lanie teased. Kate threw a cushion at her. Then she saw the time.

"Speaking of Castle, I have to get ready to go there again."

"Ooh, another dinner invitation."

"I wish I didn't have to be Sara."

"Do you?"

"For Alexis and Martha? I think so..."

"I don't think they'd tell on you."

"No but... it's a dangerous secret to know."

"Maybe. I know you want to tell them."

"You're right. I hate lying to Alexis. But she's so... She thinks so well of Lady Beckett. I don't want to crush her expectations. In a way it's better only to dream of your heroes, rather than meeting them and discovering that they're just as flawed as anyone else."

"You don't make a bad role model, Kate. But just tell her when you're ready."

Kate nodded. She didn't even worry about what to wear; the blue off the shoulder evening dress that she touched first seemed fine.

* * *

"I liked the black one better," Richard muttered in her ear as he kissed her cheek by way of greeting. Kate wished there was a way for her to respond without Alexis hearing. Instead, she went to say hello to her young friend and was soon dragged into a discussion about the tea party that was going to happen on Thursday. Alexis was almost as reluctant to talk about it as she was, but Martha insisted that they make proper arrangements and Kate was immediately enlisted to help. Richard watched the three women with amusement. He had a book to read but didn't pay much attention to it; Kate was so captivating she took up most of his concentration.

Kate was getting used to eating with the Castles. Martha disappeared soon after the meal, and Alexis left her and Richard to it after about an hour of entertaining conversation. And then they were alone.

"So, did you catch a murder?" he asked.

"I have a case, yes. But I haven't even looked at it yet."

"Shall we go?"

Kate grinned. "Actually I brought the information with me, so if you like we can look at it here."

The murder turned out to be that of an industrialist, a man who had just made a huge fortune with a new factory.

"He must have upset a few people," Richard commented.

"Yes. Not to mention the fact that his entire fortune now goes to his estranged son."

"Ooh, a family feud! Yes please," Richard said gleefully.

"You enjoy this too much," Kate told him, narrowing her eyes.

"I make it less depressing for you."

Kate could have delivered a smart retort but the truth was... he had a point. They were going to have to talk to people to find out more about the case.

"We can go tomorrow, during the day, if you're not busy."

"How do you hide your identity?"

"I wear a veil. You could wear a hat and glasses. And maybe a fake beard," she added with a wicked grin.

"I will have you know I look excellent with a beard."

"I'm sure you do," Kate said with twinkling eyes.

"So does that mean we're free tonight?"

"Fairly. We have to get up early tho-"

He was already kissing her. When she finally managed to push him away he sighed happily.

"I've been waiting to do that since you walked through the door. I missed you all day."

Kate raised her eyebrows.

"I suppose I might have missed you if I hadn't been so busy-"

He grabbed her hand and pulled her out of the room and into the hall. He saw Ryan and dropped her hand instantly.

"The carriage for Lady Katayev, please," he told his butler. Ryan nodded.

"It will be around momentarily, Sir."

"Thank you. And you can call it a night now."

"Thank you, Sir. Goodnight."

Richard nodded to him and he left the room. They collected Kate's things and Richard even had the foresight to bring clothes and his 'disguise' for the next morning. Kate waited while he hurried upstairs to get everything. She didn't know what was wrong with her. She was on fire, she just wanted to grab him and kiss him and take him... She had never felt this way about anyone before. When he reappeared it was all she could do not to knock him over with the force of her kiss. She paced around as they waited for the carriage. When it was ready they almost ran for it, desperate to be alone together even if they were only in a little moving box.

Kate decided carriage seats really should be wider. She was in great danger of slipping to the floor and the thing wasn't even moving yet. It jerked forwards and she _did _fall off her seat; Richard too. They collapsed in a tangled heap, both giggling like lunatics. Richard's hands found their way under Kate's skirt and she laughed more. He looked at the strange contraption with mock bafflement.

"What _is _this?" he asked, looking at the hoops and the belt that held them up.

Kate laughed. "It's what women use to express themselves."

"But it makes everything so difficult."

"Maybe that's the fun."

"Maybe I'll just get under there and keep your legs company. There's room."

"Later," she mumbled, her mouth already beginning to trap his again. They somehow managed to arrange themselves into a fairly comfortable position, though they fell out of it every time the carriage went over a bump. They were both relieved when it finally stopped and they could hurry upstairs. Kate locked the door to her room.

"And now, Lady Beckett, would you please show me how to get you out of that thing!"

* * *

A/N: Thanks for reading and for all the awesome comments! I hope you liked it, please review. Love you all xxx


	16. Chapter 16

16

This is Serena's bonus birthday chapter. Basically it's the end of 15 I was going to leave to your imaginations. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

* * *

"I can't believe you don't know how to take off a corset!"

"Hey, I've only ever worn one once and I was _very _drunk at the time – do you really expect me to remember?"

Kate laughed.

"Hey. Stop moving. You're making it harder. Can I use a knife?"

Kate put her hands on her hips. "No. But would you please hurry up? This is the worst kind of teasing, letting me think I'm going to be able to breathe but then not letting me out after all..."

"You think this is bad. Just you wait."

"I am waiting."

"Stop it. You're only slowing me down."

"Sorry."

"You don't sound it."

"Castle!"

Richard went back to fiddling with the complicated knot. "Did you tie this?"

"Yes! You just pull the string like I told you-"

"I did that! It just got tighter."

"What, you pulled the shorter end?"

"Wait, I was supposed to pull the shorter end?"

Kate let out an exasperated whoosh of air. "Yes! That was the end you were supposed to pull. Find it now."

"It's gone. There's just the longer end left, the one I pulled before."

Kate turned around, her eyes fiery. "_You _are an idiot." She took her knife off the cabinet and handed it to him.

"Cut the knot off. But just the knot! Don't ruin the whole thing, these are expensive!"

"So why do you have one? You look wonderful without?"

"I don't know. Conformity. Did you cut it?"

Richard cut off the knot. "Done."

"Right. Now loosen the strings..."

He began to pull at them, almost certainly creating an irreversible tangle.

"Now what?" he asked, coming around to face her.

"You undo it at the front. By pulling on the shorter end."

Richard grinned as he slid his hands over her chest. He pulled the right end this time and the knot fell undone.

"Hey. It worked," he said with a huge smile.

"Yes. Like it would have done the first time if you'd just listened to me!"

"Tshh. If you say so. And now I loosen these ones?"

"Yes..." Kate trailed off, a mixture of annoyed and worried – the corset left a lot of marks on her skin that lasted for hours. Richard caught her eye.

"What's up?"

"I..." Kate sighed. It was stupid. She just liked him seeing her with clear skin.

"You can wear my shirt the first time round if you want."

Kate laughed. "How did you know what it was?"

"You're a woman. You're an exceptional, brilliant woman. But you're still a woman. Something round you so tight is going to leave a mark. That's science. And you're going to care. That's pretty much science too."

"I don't really care."

"Yes you do. But I genuinely don't. Now what, arms up?"

The corset was loosened enough for him to pull it off over her head. She breathed a sigh of relief as her lungs could finally expand. He kissed her chest.

"Absurd," he muttered as he pulled off his shirt and slipped it onto her.

"Hey, I thought you were joking. It's okay, really."

Richard smiled. "I know it's okay. But this is okay too."

Kate couldn't help it, she threw her arms around his neck and jumped into a hug. He laughed as he cradled her, this fantastic woman who sometimes seemed to him to be just a frightened little girl. He held her tight and sat down on the bed; her legs moved to straddle him and her mouth dropped to his. She pushed up and he helped her out of the crazy long underwear she'd had to wear with the dress; she worked his pants open and traced patterns on his back with her fingers.

They moved painfully slowly. Richard kept his hands on top of the shirt, never sliding them under it. It was part teasing, part respect. Kate grinned at him; she didn't know how he did it but he turned something which had always seemed to be done out of necessity and desire into something which could just be a laugh.

"Stop smiling in my mouth," he said into hers. "I like to see your smiles."

"Stop speaking into mine. You're the one who should eat your words, not me."

Kate loved the closeness, their movement together but the way he was holding her, the way he always made sure she was first, his total awareness of her even when he was totally preoccupied. He might present an arrogant and self centred exterior to most of the world, but here he was the opposite. Her eyes burned into his as she tried to pour out to him everything she felt but could not say.

As she looked at him he thought he could see all her secrets, all her pain, rise to the surface and burn away for a while. He wished he could keep her there, this smouldering person who had forgotten how it felt to be truly loved.

She was silent, this time. She barely made a sound as she came on top of him, breaking into pieces around him as he watched her with fascination. He had been slow for her and she was slow too, smiling a little as she helped him to the end.

He lay back and she collapsed on top of him; she tried to move but he held her in place. He felt her stiffen and stroked her back.

"Don't think now. Just go to sleep," he whispered. He wished he could keep her safe, protect her from the world, take her away from all the pain that seemed to surround her. But there was so much he didn't know. She was unbelievably strong; in a way her troubles made it all the more remarkable that she did what she did. He watched her eyelids flutter and her breathing relax as she drifted away. She was magical.

* * *

A/N: Thanks for reading. 2 updates in an hour, that has to be some kind of record... I hope you have an awesome night, girl!


	17. Chapter 17

17

A/N: Hello! I just gave blood (woohoo) so if you're type A+ I might save your life one day. Just saying...

* * *

Kate slipped out of bed the next morning long before Richard woke up and hurried to get out of the room. She felt... strange. Good. But... there was an edge to it. As though she was doing something wrong. It was uncomfortable. Mostly she was thinking about her mother and everything she had promised her life would be after her mother's death. She didn't think what she was doing with Richard went against that exactly, but she just had this feeling that it wasn't supposed to be fun. Solving murders, getting justice... it wasn't supposed to be something she enjoyed. It was penance. It was supposed to be hard and painful and difficult... But Richard made it fun. He made her laugh while she worked, he made her smile at the thought of the day ahead.

She knew this shouldn't be a bad thing. She knew enjoying life wasn't something to be ashamed of. But her life... Perhaps she really did have different standards for other people. She put herself in a different category. And that category was broken, abnormal. She didn't think of herself as having the same rights as everybody else.

And whether that was right or not, she was broken. That was undeniable. She had been broken for nine years, from the day she had run away and started trying to hunt down her mother's killer. She was still just as broken. She might not act it any more; her walls were strong and close to impenetrable. But she wasn't whole. She couldn't be relied upon. She couldn't be trusted.

She knew Richard wanted to trust her. She knew the friends thing was rubbish. He wanted to love her. And as Lanie had told her, she wanted to be loved. It was incredibly selfish, but that was why she had let him be with her, and why she would continue letting him be with her. She needed it. She was using him. She was using his love to keep herself afloat because she was lonely and it had been too long and he was sweet and handsome and funny and kind and clever and honest and wonderful and brilliant and-

She... somethinged him. She didn't 'really care' about him. She really cared about Alexis. She didn't like him. She liked... Josh. She didn't love him the way she loved Lanie; she loved Lanie as a best friend. She... wanted him? But it was so much more than that.

_Maybe you just love him, like he loves you._

She shook herself. No. It couldn't be love. Not that she had ever been in love. Not that she knew the first thing about love. But it couldn't be love. The only love she knew was in books and it was... fake, anyway.

Whenever she saw him her world lit up. The weight lifted off her chest and she wanted to smile. She wanted him to make eye contact so she could see into his soul through those big blue eyes. She felt safe. She felt comfortable. She felt good, warm, happy... She got butterflies in her stomach before he even touched her, her lips tingled when she watched his, every hair on her body prickled if his skin brushed hers. When he smiled she felt like a little girl again, young and free and innocent. When he spoke she hung on his every word.

"Good morning," he said from behind her. She had been standing in the living room. She was still just wearing his shirt. He had put his breeches on.

"Good morning," she said, some of her worry fading just at the sound of his voice. How could something be wrong when it felt so right? She turned to face him – which was a mistake, because he saw her face.

"Kate, what is it?" he asked, instantly worried.

"Nothing, I was just... thinking."

"What on earth were you thinking about? Don't take this the wrong way but you look terrible..."

Kate managed a weak smile. "I was thinking about... us, sort of. Me. How this is... selfish."

Richard put his hand on her face and tilted it up so she was looking at him.

"Kate. It's not selfish. I'm the selfish one, if one of us is being selfish."

"How did you work that out?"

"I persuaded you to do this when you weren't sure. And if you don't want to it really is okay. We can stop, we can be friends _only_."

"I didn't take much persuading, Castle. And, were you there last night? Of course I still want to do it. But I... I'm using you."

"Use away. Please. Nothing would make me happier."

"I don't believe you."

"But you know I wouldn't lie."

"I..."

"Kate. There is nothing I would enjoy more than spending the rest of my days helping you solve crimes and making love to you. With a few breaks to visit my daughter, maybe. But I... I'll throw it back at you. Were you there last night? How can you think this is bad for me?"

Kate bit her lip. "I..."

"You're really used to shit, aren't you?"

"Excuse me?"

"Shit. Rubbish. Bad things. You're used to them."

"I know what the word means. I don't know what _you _mean."

"You... a lot of bad things have happened to you. And now something that feels good is happening and you don't know what to do, how to feel about it, how to react to the goodness that's flooding through you. So you're hiding from it, when you should be embracing it."

"I don't need you to tell me how to feel," Kate said angrily. "I may be a little unsure about this situation but that does not mean I am a scared little girl who needs your constant comfort and support. I think we've exhausted the subject, don't you?"

"Wait. We're still going to-"

"Castle. I am not going to stop fucking you. Now go get us some food while I start working."

"Okay.. can I have my shirt back."

"No. Is that a problem?"

"No, no problem.. I'll wear the other one," he said as he retreated back to the bedroom. Kate rolled her shoulders. That was better. She needed to take control again.

"Use the window to get out," she called to him.

"What?"

"Go over the roof so you don't come out in this street. I don't want anyone to see you."

"Are you ashamed of me, m'Lady?" he asked, poking his head around the door. She grinned.

"Very. Do you mind?"

"Not in the least."

He went back into the bedroom and she heard him open the window and climb out. She probably used that exit more than she used the door...

She took out the envelope and then a large (and incredibly boring) book about lineage and wealthy families. Richard returned with some coffee and warm bread and she ate enthusiastically. Then she had to get dressed. She could have called Lanie, or managed on her own, but she needed to lighten the mood again.

"Castle," she called from the bedroom.

"Yes, my Lady," he called back.

"How would you feel about furthering your education about corsets?"

He appeared in the doorway.

"You want me to put that on you?"

"Yes."

"And you won't blame me for your suffering?"

"It's self inflicted."

"Alright then.. what do I do?"

Kate grinned. She showed him how to pull it tight then braced herself on the end of the bed. He pulled.

"Put your back into it, Ricky. No point otherwise."

"As you wish," he said. He pulled harder. The noises Kate made weren't strictly necessary but she knew Richard would enjoy them. He tied it as she had shown him and handed her the grey dress she was going to wear. It was smart and had a jacket that matched; she did her hair up and pinned on her black bonnet, throwing down the veil. She laughed as Richard put on tinted glasses and a fake beard.

"Completely unrecognisable," she told him. They left Montgomery's together, through the window again, across a couple of roofs and down into a different street. Kate walked briskly just as she would have done alone, and they didn't talk much, but she couldn't deny that she felt a certain comfort in having him at her side.

* * *

"I still think it was the wife. They do say poison is the spouse's weapon of choice."

"While that is true, Castle, we're going to need more than what you think to prove that she did it."

"She had opportunity. And motive, she hated him."

"But she's destitute now. While he was alive she had money. Now it all goes to the son, the son that won't even speak to her."

"Ah yes, the mysterious son who isn't even in London. Tell me, Lady Beckett, how could he have done it?"

"He could have paid someone."

"Why do you prefer the son?"

"I don't. I think it was the wife too. But why would she kill him when she knew she would lose all her money?"

"Maybe she knew where some pirate treasure was buried. Maybe it's a Romeo and Juliet thing and she's going to kill herself now as well."

"That's not Romeo and Juliet. Romeo and Juliet both killed themselves."

"I'm a writer, not a reader."

"Arrogant."

"And not true. I just meant Romeo and Juliet as in both sides of the couple end up dead."

"But she isn't dead."

"Spies?"

"Castle. Spies? Buried treasure? Seriously?"

"What are your so much better theories?"

Kate looked around the room. They were back in her living room with a pot of coffee and the notes from their interviews with the wife and the victim's best friend.

"An affair!" Kate said suddenly. "She's having an affair. That's why she doesn't care about the money. The other man must have money too. She was trapped in a marriage with a man she didn't love who was making enemies left right and centre, so she and her lover decided the only way for them to be together would be to kill him."

Richard grinned at her. "It's the perfect explanation. But how do we prove it? And how do we prove that it wasn't one of his political enemies?"

"His son inherits the business. That won't help anyone. No one benefits from his death apart from the son. If it wasn't him-"

"It has to have been her. So now what?"

"We prove she was seeing someone. That will be enough for the police to take her and do their work."

They left in the afternoon to speak to some family friends – but the most helpful conversations were with the servants. In a way Kate was glad of the brutal and unfair class divisions. It meant that most servants had very little loyalty to their employers. By the end of the afternoon she had not only confirmed the affair but found the name and address of the gentleman in question. One maid also said she had seen this gentleman in the house on the night of the murder, and that he had left using the back staircase and door. This was enough to arrest both the wife and her lover.

Although she had worked out the strategy, Kate had to admit she wouldn't have been able to do it nearly so easily without Castle. He was effortlessly smooth with all the servants, befriending them instantly. He hardly had to ask them questions for them to talk. She was brusquer. She always got the information she needed but she grudgingly accepted that Castle had gotten it far more quickly than she would have done.

They made a stop at the police station on the way back to her apartment to pass on all the information they had gathered. Kate had to help Richard get up onto a nearby building so they could reach her window unseen.

"It's all very exciting," he said as he clambered into her bedroom.

"What is?"

"What you do. The disguises, the midnight adventures, climbing through windows and running over roofs, digging up secrets..."

"I solve crimes, Castle."

"Me too, in my books. People find them exciting. Even you. So why shouldn't I find this exciting?"

Kate sighed. "No reason. It's just a different way to look at it."

"A better way?"

Kate ripped off his fake beard and he yelled loudly.

"You should go home," she told him. "Alexis will be worried."

"She knows I go out sometimes. I warned her I would have meetings in London. But yes, I should go home. Will you come to dinner?"

Kate thought about it. She wanted to say yes but she changed her mind. "No. But I'll see you later?"

"Of course. But why don't you want dinner?"

"I... I'll be there tomorrow for the tea party. I think you and your family need a bit of time without me. I don't want Alexis to think I'm taking you away from her."

"No one could ever do that. I'm sure she wouldn't mind, but as you wish. You can... What will you do?"

Kate grinned at him. "I'll have a bath and read a book."

"Now I _really _don't want to leave."

"Castle. We both need some time away from each other. Probably more than a few hours but I think the extended break can wait. For now, go home, see your family, be the good father I know you are."

Richard smiled. "Do I still have to use the window?"

"When you leave _and _when you return later. If that's alright."

"Alright? I love it!" he said, sounding like a little child.

"You are bizarre," Kate told him. He kissed her for that and then scrambled out.

"I miss you already," he told her as he closed the window behind him. She raised her eyebrows. He stuck out his tongue and then he was gone. She grinned. They had solved a case, he was coming back later, and she had time for a bath!

Lanie helped her to heat enough water and carry it up to the tub in front of the fireplace in her bedroom. They had two tubs; they heated water for Lanie to have one in her room too.

Kate undressed without needing assistance from anyone and was finally free to sink into the almost too-hot water. She sipped her glass of wine and leaned her head back happily. Sometimes she thought this was better than making love.

* * *

A/N: I hope you liked it, please review! Thanks for reading, love you xxx


	18. Chapter 18

18

A/N: I have nothing left to say to you but this.

And whatever is in all the chapters after this one.

* * *

Richard looked like a little boy on Christmas morning when he climbed back through the window four hours later. Kate was lying in bed; she let her eyelids droop so he wouldn't think she'd been waiting for him so enthusiastically. He jumped on the bed beside her.

"I brought you something," he said happily.

"Oh yes? What?"

"Not telling. It's a surprise."

"I don't like surprises."

"You'll like this one, I promise."

"No I won't."

"Try it."

She sighed. "Fine."

He grinned. "Close your eyes and open your mouth."

"What?"

"It's good, I promise. I wouldn't put anything in your mouth I wouldn't put in mine."

Kate raised her eyebrows. "You're like a puppy. What wouldn't you put in your mouth?"

"Trust me."

"I don't trust you."

"Yes you do. Close your eyes and open your mouth."

Kate did as he said. She didn't know why, except she wanted to know what the surprise was.

"Wider," he said. She could hear the smile in his voice. She opened her mouth wider.

"And... don't bite down."

"Don't bite down? What?"

"Look, I just don't want you to choke, okay? Open your mouth again and don't bite down."

Kate did as he said. She was actually doing what someone told her to do. What was he doing to her? What was she letting him do to her?

She felt him put something in her mouth and then grinned as she tasted it. She opened her eyes to find his inches from hers.

"It's chocolate," she exclaimed with her mouth full. "Thank you. Want some?"

He smiled. "I told you you'd like it," he said, leaning down to bite the square in half and give her a long, chocolatey kiss.

* * *

"How was Alexis?"

"Fine. She's looking forward to seeing you tomorrow."

"I'm looking forward to seeing her."

Kate could feel herself falling asleep with her head on his chest. His breathing was slowing too. She listened to his heartbeat and felt as though hers was timing itself with his. He was so alive. They were both so alive.

But he was so innocent. So warm and safe... Like a little boy. So good. She felt as though she was drinking it in, all that goodness. It was hot and gold and flooded through her body like a magic potion that made her toes tingle.

"You have to go," she murmured. He stroked her back with his hand, tracing patterns along her spine.

"No I don't," he whispered. "I'll go in the morning."

Kate knew she should argue but she just didn't have the energy. Or the inclination. Her innocent little boy. Whom she was corrupting. She kicked herself. Not now. Not tonight. Couldn't she just _not think _for one night? Have one night where she just curled up in the arms of someone who cared about her without worrying about consequences or guilt?

If she told him to leave the bed would feel empty all night. And he would be sad.

But if he stayed...

"What are you thinking about?"

"Nothing. I'm not thinking?"

"Yes you are. You were relaxed; now you're tense. You're trying to hide it but I can tell."

"How?"

"You're avoiding the issue."

"Answer the question or I'm getting up."

"Well..." she could tell he was a little uncomfortable.

"Castle, I know you've been with other women."

"I know. I just... I've been with too many, I think."

"I'm not judging."

"I know. I just... I don't want you to think that you're... one of them."

Kate was glad he couldn't see her face, because the smile that crept to her mouth was not the smile of someone who wasn't emotionally attached. Maybe not so innocent, then.

"So..?"

"So I know when a woman's trying to hide when she's upset."

"I'm not upset."

"You're worried. Stressed. Something not good. What?"

"I... It's nothing important."

"You can tell me. It might be good for you."

"I've done just fine not telling up until now."

"Have you?"

She bit her lip. "Of course," she said.

"You're a terrible liar."

There was a pause. "Only to you," she said finally.

"Tell me," he said gently. He made it so tempting. So reasonable.

"I... You're too good for me," she whispered.

He shoved her off him roughly. She had not been expecting that. Neither had he, from the look on his face. Definitely not innocent. He took hold of her upper arms and pushed her up the bed then looked down at her, very close to angry. Yet another layer. Another side she hadn't seen. Another side to cherish.

"Don't ever say that again," he said, his voice low and dangerous. She blinked and narrowed her eyes. He might be compelling but she wasn't giving in that easily.

"You _are_," she said firmly.

He kissed her hard, holding nothing back, not gentle, certainly not playful. She moaned softly and felt her insides turn to jelly. He took his mouth off hers.

"Far too good..."

He got off the bed and began getting dressed. She sat up, confused.

"Where are you going?"

"Home," he said shortly.

"What? I thought you were staying."

"I won't make you uncomfortable."

"You don't."

"I was. You have some messed up idea about me being too good for you which is not only absurd but-"

"You're really angry?"

"Yes! I'm really angry!"

"But I... I just meant-"

"How can you be so strong and yet so clueless at the same time?"

"I'm not clueless."

"You are. You have no idea... no idea. How _good _you are. You're... brilliant. You do more than anyone, you help so many people. No one is too good for you."

"If you don't like what I think I don't have to tell you."

"You should tell someone. You should tell them so they can tell you that sometimes, you're _wrong_."

He had stopped getting dressed. She was standing in front of him, wearing nothing, staring him down, stubborn and proud.

"What makes you right and me wrong?" she asked.

"Nothing," he said. "But I am right."

"I know what I am."

"Then you must have a bizarre idea of what I am."

Kate continued to stare. She knew he would break. She took a step forward, closing the gap between them; she put her hands on his chest, keeping her focus on his eyes. He put his hands on her hips.

"Do you want me to stay?" he asked.

"You know I do."

"Want to know how to make me?"

"I already know," she said.

"You going to do it?"

"Not sure yet."

"Let me persuade you."

"You think you will?"

"Oh, I can be very persuasive," he said, guiding her back to the bed. He nudged her knees apart with his and sat her down on the edge of the bed. She blushed.

"What?"

"Just... might have done this before."

"Was he good?"

"It was you."

"Kate, I, ah, think I would remem- wait – you mean _you.._?"

Kate grinned. "Might have been."

"Was _I _good?"

"Excellent."

"Remind me to ask you afterwards if this me is better."

"I think you'll remember."

"I think so too."

He waited. She lay back and thought. Or rather, tried not to think. It was funny how effective he could be by doing nothing. He saw her tense and put his hands on her knees, using them to push himself up to catch her eye.

"Magic words, Kate."

Kate looked him up and down.

"Priceless."

He smiled. "Who?"

"Everyone."

"And who in particular?"

Kate bit her lip. He really thought it. He really did. She wanted him so badly. Not just in that way... She wanted him to be pleased with her. She wanted him to smile at her, to praise her, to be proud of her, to feel like he had helped her...

"Me."

* * *

A/N: It's a short chapter but I needed to write. Thank you for being here to read. Reviews are shiny; so are you. Lots of love xxx


	19. Chapter 19

19

A/N: This one's for anyone who's tweeted me about this story! Enjoy...

* * *

He did things to her. He did things that she didn't understand, that she couldn't explain, that didn't make sense. He made her feel things she'd thought she was incapable of feeling. She thought the grief, the sorrow, had taken away her ability to feel like that about another person. She'd thought she'd become too closed off – not to love, though love was a part of it. Simply... to feel so deeply. To be so fully under his control, to be so completely _his _that she couldn't even hold her tongue.

She shouldn't have said it. It was sweet, too sweet, to perfect, to much like a fairytale. And it hadn't been true. She hadn't meant to lie but it hadn't been true. And now he was so happy, and rewarding her for making him so happy. He was there, touching her and kissing her and making her squirm and she wasn't pretending or faking but in a way she was. There was a small part of her brain that wanted to move away, to tell him to stop, that she didn't deserve this because she had lied. She hadn't meant to lie. She really hadn't. His face, those eyes, those stunning blue eyes had burnt her into feeling as though she was someone else, as though she was what he said she was. When she had said it she had been telling the truth. But it hadn't really been her.

Her back arched and she screamed out his name. Most of her brain was still with him. Her brain and her body – everything. Everything but this tiny fraction of her mind that couldn't let go.

He kissed her mouth and she tasted herself. She tried to involve her whole mind in the kiss, to think about nothing but the feeling of it, the power of _him _as he touched her and held her and brought her to life. She wondered if he noticed. She wondered if he would let her know if he did. It was like a game of cards, like poker. Hiding your feelings, pretending, keeping a poker face while you hid a hand so bad you should have folded from the start... but the prize was so enticing that she couldn't fold. She had to play even though she was doomed to lose, and soon, because she was running out of things to bet. Soon he would realise, soon he would work out that no matter how priceless every soul might be, his daughter and his family and his own life were worth more than she was.

She was broken. She was nothing. She would disappear into the dark alleyways and save people; he would disappear into the light and make people happy. He let her go to sleep this time, because although he knew women, he didn't know her well enough to detect the slight imperfections in her breathing, the flutter of her eyelids as she kept them gently closed, the twitching of her fingers as he pulled the blanket over both of them and kissed her goodnight.

_The bed was warm, so warm and soft and delicious. She lay on her side; her husband's body fitted itself around her as they slept, so close, touching as much as they could even subconsciously. She woke up slowly, blinking as her eyes explored the beautiful bedroom. Hers. Theirs. She was mistress of this house, this manor house that she was inside. She smiled peacefully and snuggled closer to Richard. She could feel his gentle breathing on her neck._

_She wanted to get up though. She didn't like to lie in bed awake. And she needed to get up, anyway. There was a quiet cry and she sat up to look into the little crib at the end of the bed. _

_He was lying on his back with his eyes open, big blue eyes like his father's. She smiled and slipped out of bed, her long white nightgown floating around her in a slightly odd way that she wasn't used to. She picked up the baby and cradled him; she knew how because she had done this every day since he was born. She kissed the top of his head but that wasn't what he wanted._

_Still smiling, she sat down on the edge of the bed and laid him on her lap as she unfastened her gown. She guided his little mouth to her breast and he sucked hungrily; she stroked his head and watched him drink, her wonderful little boy. _

And then suddenly he was gone, ripped away from her and she screamed in agony. Richard was still sleeping; someone had their baby! The room had changed, she was so confused, her gown was gone, but Richard had to wake up because someone had her baby, her baby... Tears were streaming down her cheeks as Richard finally blinked and saw her in the darkness. He sat up with her as soon as he realised there was something wrong.

"Kate? Kate, what is it?"

Kate looked around the room, it was her bedroom in her flat above the bookshop. She looked at herself; there was no floaty white nightgown. There was no crib, no baby, it hadn't been real...

"Nothing. Sorry. I had a dream. I'm sorry I woke you."

She got out of bed and pulled on a robe; his eyes followed her as she wiped her face and shook a hand through her hair.

"Do you want to talk about it?" he asked, confused and worried.

"No," she said quietly. "Go back to sleep, I'll be back in a minute."

She hoped he would think she needed to use the privy. In the end she decided she would go outside; the little, stinking shed at the bottom of the small yard behind the shop suddenly seemed far more inviting than the bed. She crept down in just her robe, not afraid because fear didn't occur to her. There was a large moon which lit her way. A cat screeched when she went outside but she didn't even flinch. She shut herself up in the tiny room, sat down, and tried to think.

She got nowhere. Ten minutes later, due to the risk of being poisoned more than anything else, she went back into the house, pausing at the downstairs kitchen to wash her hands. When they were clean she decided she might as well wash the rest of her. The range wasn't lit yet so she had to use cold water but in a way she was glad of the cold. It woke her up, made her feel more normal.

She dried herself on a rag and put her robe back on. She hoped Richard would have gone to sleep. He seemed tired, and she had told him she was fine. People had dreams. She felt wide awake now; she had no wish to go back to bed and cuddle. It wouldn't be good for her, anyway. She shouldn't be thinking of him in terms of someone to cuddle with.

She decided she was hungry and found some fruit cake to eat. She took it back up to her living room, going via the bookshop to find something to read. She ended up with Pride and Prejudice. Probably not a good choice. She could see several similarities between herself and Castle and Lizzie and Darcy. Their conversations, their refusal to see what they meant to each other... She was more like Lizzie than Castle was like Darcy. She had read the book before but it seemed to carry more meaning. The jokes seemed to be directly aimed at her, teasing her, taunting her. Even the first line of the book seemed to be for her.

_It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife._

Though Kate of course saw the joke, the sarcasm... she also saw that it was true. At the end of the book, all the rich single men _are _married. They do want wives. Richard was the definition of a single man in possession of a good fortune. And he was in want of... well, her love, anyway. And love meant marriage. Kate didn't think it should have to, necessarily, but she understood that in her society, it did. Did Richard want to marry her? Was that his dream?

And was she leading him on? She tried not to think, reading her book, enjoying Lizzie and Darcy and the other characters, laughing at Lady Catherine as she thought of herself. She might enjoy being a rich old woman, once she was too old for anything else.

She didn't finish the book, but she knew she should deal with the dream. The dream about the baby. Tomorrow – later today, now – she was having tea with Alexis and a group of other young ladies and she needed to be composed. She knew being worried about a dream would make this much harder, so she was determined to think it through and be over it by morning.

So the baby. Her baby. Castle's baby. The baby that they had had together, after getting married and going to live in his manor house. She sighed. It was absurd. It was just a manifestation of her wish for comfort and security, a wish which every person had. The fact that it had been him was only natural – she had been in bed with him. It didn't mean she loved him, it didn't mean she needed to change anything. And as for the baby... perhaps she was getting to a maternal time of month. She frowned, because she knew she wasn't. And she wasn't... no. She would know. She would know if there was another life inside her. She would feel it. There wasn't. She had counted.

To be on the safe side she would encourage him to be more adventurous next week, but this week shouldn't be too risky.

Did she really want a baby? She didn't think so. Her arms still ached for not holding the tiny little child but it was just an echo of the dream, she told herself firmly. Nothing more than that. She was not going to have children. She wasn't fit to be a good mother, and the world was so full of hatred she didn't want to bring another person into that, not when she was still in danger.

And that was the end of it. No babies. There. She was tired now. She went into the bedroom and sure enough, Richard was asleep, snoring softly and taking up most of the bed. She gently shoved him back to his side and got in beside him, taking off her robe and pulling the blanket around her. He moved in response to her presence, though he didn't wake up. He draped his arm protectively over her stomach; he was lying on his front. She closed her eyes and slowed her breathing, knowing she would have to wake up in an hour or so anyway and that she really should try to get some rest.

* * *

A/N: As always, thanks for reading you awesome people. Thank you especially to all the doods that leave reviews or talk to me on twitter – you guys ROCK and I love you! Please keep commenting, reviewing, following, favouriting – it is really wonderful of you to do those things!

Also – I mention Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen. This is a FANTASTIC book which if you haven't already, I highly recommend you read. As I've suggested, Lizzie and Darcy have a Caskett worthy banterful relationship. If you can't face the book (huge frown at you) there are numerous film versions too. My fav is the BBC mini series but the Keira Knightley movie is great and has a wonderful piano soundtrack. Go on – you know you want to! (If you have already read/watched it tell me in a review/PM and we can fangirl together!)

Love you very much xxx


	20. Chapter 20

20

A/N: Sorry! Here you go fantastic, deserving people. In my defence, I broke myself... Love you!

* * *

Richard rolled over as he woke up and was relieved to find Kate in bed beside him. She sat up and looked down at him.

"You have to go."

"I know. Come to our house early?" he asked groggily.

"I have to anyway. But I'll be with Alexis. You can get some writing done."

He yawned. "At least I have plenty of inspiration."

Kate made a face. "I hope you're just talking about the crime solving."

"Of course. What else would I be talking about?"

She grinned at his innocent face and he waggled his eyebrows at her, hauling himself out of bed and pulling her with him. He kissed her and she sighed as she had to move away.

"Not now. Alexis will be up early because of the tea thing. You really have to go."

"I should get you some coffee."

"I'll get it myself." She handed him his shirt and he dressed quickly then gave her one last kiss before climbing out of the window. Kate watched him leave with a mixture of lust and relief. She wanted him, but she felt strange after the dream. Not as strange as she had done, but still odd. She began to wash and dress in something appropriate for the tea party. Lanie brought her some coffee. Kate wondered if she should tell her friend about the dream but in the end she decided not to.

She had heard about women getting dreams about having a child when they were pregnant. In a way she didn't want to talk about it because she didn't want to give it the opportunity to feel any more real than it already did. She was not going to have a baby. She knew her body, she knew how small the risk had been. She bit her lip. If she made Richard stop now it would be almost two weeks before it was safe again. She sighed. She was a grown woman, two weeks shouldn't bother her. She wondered if she could ask him to find some kind of protection but it was all very unreliable, from the rumours she had heard. Or she could ask him to... She groaned. She had a feeling he might gloat. A lot. Especially since he _hadn't _gloated when he found out about her fantasising with his book.

* * *

Richard staggered down the stairs to meet a very nervous looking Alexis.

"Dad! Finally! But... you look terrible – did you get any sleep?"

"Not much. I was... working. Are you alright, honey?"

"Yes, fine," Alexis said, sounding anything but. "I just..." she brushed at her dress and tugged at a loose strand of hair. "I _really _want them to like me."

"They already like you."

"No... we've been to one party, Dad, and some of the girls coming today weren't even there."

"Wait... how many people did you invite?"

"Uhm... about six?"

"What do you mean, 'about'? Don't you know how many are coming?"

"I.. I said they could bring friends if they wanted to."

"Oh..." Richard was becoming more and more glad that his presence was not expected at this gathering. "Well I'll be in my room writing if you need anything. Have you ordered the tea?"

Alexis made a face at him. "I ordered it _yesterday _morning. It's fine, it will all be ready, I've spoken to Grams and the servants and... when will Sara be here?"

Richard only just managed not to say 'Who's Sara?'. "She'll be here soon. When did you ask her to arrive?"

"Half past nine."

"Then she will arrive at half past nine. It's just nine now. Are you sure you're alright?"

Alexis bit her lip. "I... They'll like me, right?"

Richard pulled her into a hug. "Of course they will. And if they don't, all that says is that they have terrible taste, and we never need to see them again."

Alexis frowned but allowed her father to hug her. "I don't want them to think I'm just some silly country girl who doesn't know anything."

"They won't. You probably know more than all of them put together."

"That's not true. And I don't know _anything _about London fashions or parties or what to talk about at a tea party..."

"Clothes. Women love talking about clothes."

"I don't know anything about clothes."

"Alexis, think about your grandmother. Of course you know about clothes."

Alexis smiled. "I suppose I might have a few things to say. And we can talk about Sara's dress from the other night!"

"Check with Sara, but I'm sure that will be a wonderful topic."

"Will you stay to greet everyone when they arrive?"

Richard grinned. "Because I'm famous?"

"And because I want you to see Sara."

"Oh?"

"I... I want to ask you something about her. She's so fantastic... but somehow mysterious."

"What do you mean?"

"She's so much like us. Different. She has different priorities. And she knows how to fence. And she doesn't seem very Russian, even though she's from there."

Richard didn't know whether to be proud or worried. He thought Alexis' detecting skills were adorable, but at the same time, he didn't want her to work out Kate's secret before Kate was ready to tell her.

"Don't you think she's a mystery, Daddy?"

"I suppose so. But I've always liked mysterious women."

"You like solving them. The mysteries, I mean."

"I do."

"I think you should solve Sara's. I think she wants you to."

Richard looked hard at his daughter. "What is this that I'm seeing in your eyes? That's not just curiosity about Sara."

"I..." Alexis blushed.

"Go on, you know you can say anything to me."

"Don't tell her?"

"Of course not."

"I... I think she likes you."

"She's our friend. I would hope that she would like me."

"No. I mean I think she... likes you in another way."

Richard chuckled. Alexis sighed.

"I probably just read it wrong. I don't know anything about-"

"No, no, that's not why I laughed. I just laughed because you're so sweet about it. Maybe she does want our friendship to be something more."

"Do you want it to be?"

Richard looked at her. "Would you mind if I did?"

Alexis paused. "Yes."

"Yes?" Richard asked in surprise. "Why? I thought you liked her."

"I do. I like her a lot. Which is why I don't want her to be one of your... whatever you call them. Brief encounters."

"Alexis. I would never treat her that way."

"Why not? You've treated plenty of women that way."

"Lex... it's complicated. I stopped doing that a while ago, and I never did anything with a woman that she didn't completely agree with. The lack of... relationship development wasn't ever just my decision – it was always mutual."

"I just... I don't want to not see her any more. Promise me you won't do anything to make her not want to see us?"

Richard knew he had to answer straight away, and he had to promise. He couldn't help feeling a little afraid. He knew that Kate was unstable, that she might want to end things with him and that would make maintaining their friendship difficult. Even though they still said they were just friends now. He groaned inwardly as he promised his daughter. "I promise. She'll be our friend forever."

Alexis smiled. "Good. Now go and get dressed, she'll be here soon. You have to help us rearrange the parlor."

"Rearrange... Why do we need to rearrange the parlor?"

"To make a circle, so we can all talk."

"It's already in a circle. Pretty much."

"No it's not. And we need to move the tables... Trust me, Dad. We have to rearrange it."

"Why didn't you have the servants do it?"

"I wanted Sara to tell me where to put everything. Ryan's going to help."

"Right," Richard said, retreating upstairs and wishing he could stay there until this whole fiasco was over.

Kate arrived just as he disappeared. Alexis threw her arms around her friend.

"Sara!" she said happily. "I'm so glad you're here."

"I'm so glad to be here," Kate said, and if her enthusiasm was a little faked, Alexis didn't notice. Martha glided into the room, sparkling with jewellery as always.

"Good morning my dears. Alexis, you look frazzled. And Sara, you look exhausted. What on earth have you two been doing?"

"Worrying," Alexis answered. Kate let this answer be for her as well. After all, it was actually all too true. Martha narrowed her eyes at 'Sara' but said nothing at that point. She waited until after the parlor was finished. Alexis went upstairs to fix her hair and Richard went back to his room to 'write'. Martha had Kate cornered.

"I know what you and Richard are doing. And I don't disapprove. But be careful, darling."

Kate smiled. "I'm glad you don't disapprove. But I don't think I have anything to worry about. How did you know?"

"Mothers always know these things. I knew as soon as I saw him look at you, even in an ordinary dress, that he would have you within the week."

"So he... he always 'gets the girl'?"

"Oh yes. I mean, when he wants to."

"You don't give women much credit for resistance."

"When it comes to my son, experience seems to suggest he is difficult to resist. I wouldn't know. I know you made the decision yourself, you're intelligent and sensible... but do be careful. Alexis loves you. Don't let him break your heart."

"I assure you, my heart is not involved," Kate said, feeling a little defensive.

Martha winked. "Well don't break his, either."

Kate laughed. "I think you have it the right way round, now. Perhaps you should tell him to be careful."

"Perhaps I should. But you seem fairly harmless."

Kate was saying it before she could stop herself. "I don't know. They call me the black widow."

Martha's eyes widened, but she said nothing. Then she smiled. "As I said, the mother always knows. I looked you up. I knew Sara Katayev was an alias. But in this day and age, young people are free to be whoever they want to be. Does he know?"

Kate nodded. "I couldn't hide it. Not when..."

"You're an honest woman."

Kate had to laugh. "I'm anything but."

"I don't mean you've never told a lie. But... you do the right thing. You do good. You don't enjoy hiding yourself."

"I have to do it. Anything else would be too dangerous, for everyone around me."

"I don't doubt it. Are you going to tell Alexis?"

"I... I don't know. I want to but-"

"You also want to protect her."

"Yes."

"Well... it's a difficult decision and I wouldn't dream of interfering. But let me tell you this. Alexis is a capable, clever girl. Not only does she believe herself fully able to protect herself, she also believes she must protect her father. And if I smelled a rat, so to speak, she is going to have smelled it too."

"So she might work it out?"

"No. I don't think she would allow herself to believe you are the woman she has been dreaming of meeting. But she'll work out something, and if she doesn't know the truth, she will suspect the worst."

Kate heard Alexis on the stairs and Martha patted her on the shoulder.

"You'll do the right thing," she said.

"You sound so sure," Kate whispered. Martha winked at her and Alexis came into the room.

"How do I look?" she asked nervously.

"Beautiful," Kate said. "Not a hair out of place."

Alexis grinned. "Really?"

"Truly," Martha said. "Now. Try to calm down a little – your guests will be here soon."

Alexis sighed. "It'll be fun..." she said, sounding entirely unconvinced.

* * *

A/N: Thanks so much for waiting, and reading. Please review! Go on, I'm lonely and hurt – be my friend. Hugs and loveballs xxx


	21. Chapter 21

21

Kate groaned inwardly as she poured out yet another cup of tea to yet another simpering fifteen year old girl who cared more about her dresses than anything else in the world. Alexis met her eyes and made an almost undetectable face at her. Kate finished pouring the tea and glanced around at the group of girls in the room. None of them were particularly inspiring. They all seemed to know each other, and none of them came close to being Alexis intellectual equal. Kate didn't blame them – it wasn't their fault, their society was sexist and unfair. They had been brought up to believe themselves mentally inferior to men – it was no wonder, really, that they were fulfilling the expectations.

When the girls finally left, Kate didn't even bother to remember their names, Alexis wondered out loud whether her father would allow her friend Ruby to stay with them.

"It's more that Ruby might not be allowed to come," Alexis said sadly. "I think Dad would like it, he likes me to have friends. But Ruby's parents are very strict and she isn't allowed to do much."

"Perhaps your father could talk to them."

"Maybe. But they don't really like him. Maybe they read his magazine story."

Kate laughed a little. Alexis looked at her.

"Is it really as bad as everyone says?"

"You really haven't read it?"

Alexis looked shocked. "He told me I mustn't. He imposes so few rules on me... he just said I'm not old enough. I don't know what can be in it, though, when he lets me read all of his books."

Kate grinned. "I don't think it's any worse. Maybe he just isn't so proud of it. After all, it's a different style of writing – shorter, less... intellectual, perhaps. Though his novels have adult elements, they are also extremely clever. They all have mysteries, carefully woven... Perhaps he feels his writing in the magazine is less polished, and also less succinct. It's expected to be much more dramatic. Not so realistic."

Alexis frowned. "I don't think that's why he doesn't let me read it."

Kate smiled. "Well, it's also rather more... graphic, than the novels."

"Graphic how? I mean, what is it that's described graphically?"

"I-"

"Couldn't possibly say," Richard finished for her as he came into the room. "Hello Alexis. I thought I heard your friends leave."

"They're not my friends. They're boring. I miss Ruby."

"Even Sara is boring?"

"Of course not. But you interrupted us – I was about to find out why I'm not allowed to read your story in the magazine."

"Better luck next time, pumpkin. Do you have plans for the afternoon?"

"Grams wants to take me out to lunch somewhere, and then shopping. She's gone to get ready. Do I have to go?"

Richard looked at Kate. "I'm afraid so. But I'll invite Sara back for dinner. And maybe she'll do some more fencing with us."

"Will you come?" Alexis asked excitedly.

"I'd love to," Kate said.

Alexis and Martha left within half an hour and Kate was left with Richard in his big, empty house.

"Now what?" he asked her, raising one eyebrow as she lay back on the couch, finally relaxing after hours of sitting up straight. She closed her eyes.

"Catch up on sleep," she murmured. She felt him sit down beside her and pull the pins out of her hair, letting it tumble around her shoulders.

"Are you sure you're tired?" he whispered in her ear. She let out a gentle sigh of contentment. His presence made her feel so relaxed, she really could just drift off to sleep.

"Yes," she said softly. Richard yawned.

"To be honest, so am I. You should at least take off your corset, though."

"I hardly feel it," Kate lied. Richard laughed.

"I know you're lying about that. Just stay there, I'll get it off."

Kate opened her eyes. "Without help?" she asked incredulously.

Richard winked and began to undo the fastenings of her dress. It took him a while but he eventually managed to successfully extract her from it and her corset. He also removed her shoes and began to rub her feet.

"Stop it, you don't have to..." she said quietly.

"Maybe I want to," he replied, dipping his head to kiss her toes. She wriggled to get him to stop.

"Maybe I want to go to sleep," she said. Richard sighed.

"Fine. But you don't know what you're missing."

"Yes I do. I know full well. But right now, sleep is even more attractive."

Richard lay down on the other couch.

"You're too far away," he complained.

"No, you're too close. I can still hear you."

He chuckled. "Are you going out tonight?"

"Yes. That is, if I get some sleep now."

"Can I come?"

"Yes... Have you written anything about me yet?"

"I thought you wanted to sleep."

"Answer the question or you're not coming."

"Fine. Yes, a little."

"May I see?"

"No. I mean, yes, but not yet... it's not finished."

Kate smiled. "Are you worried I won't like it?" she teased.

"Yes, actually," Richard replied seriously. "You're... I've never written about a character as deep or complex as you. I want to get you right."

"I'm sure you will have," Kate said, trying to sound reassuring. "I'm not that deep."

"I think part of the problem is that you're still so much of a mystery to me."

Kate didn't answer. He was right. She had told him so little. He knew so little about her life, both before and after the death of her mother. He didn't know... any of it. Tiny snippets, titbits that were close to meaningless. She felt as though he knew her, but in fact she had revealed very little of herself to him. The strangest part was, he still knew more than almost anyone else. She wondered if anyone in the world really knew her. She supposed that no one really knew anyone, if you were going to think about it like that.

"Some mysteries are better left unsolved," she murmured. There was a pause before Richard answered.

"Don't... don't you want me to know you?" he asked. Kate didn't know what to say. There was so much she _wanted _to say, she heard in her mind exactly how her answer would sound.

_Of course I want you to know me. I want you to strip me down and get inside my soul, I want to show you it all and show you that though I may seem hard, really I'm just a girl like any other, a soft, warm hearted person who wants to fall in love and make love and be in love... When you touch me I come alive. When you hold me I wish I could stay in your arms forever. But I... I'm afraid to attach myself. Not just to you, but to anyone. When my mother died I built up a wall around my heart, a cold, hard wall, to protect myself. Firstly, so I didn't perish from the pain I felt then. Secondly, so I could never feel pain like that again. And thirdly, so I could be strong enough to help other people. But now... Now you're in my life and everything's different. I defined myself by that wall, by what I do for others. But now I want more._

_I want to be more than who I am. I want to be someone worthy of you. _

The answer was there. Her heart was screaming it. But her head and the wall crushed it down and she stayed silent, looking through her eyelashes at Richard as he watched her from across the room, wishing there was some way to show him what she couldn't tell him.

She was wearing just a white under dress. The room was warm, there was a fire and she was very comfortable. She tried to sleep but now... she couldn't stop thinking. She wanted to be more. More for Richard, more for herself, more because... because what if what she had now wasn't all she could have? What if she did deserve more? What if she could do more? Help more people, have more influence, do more with her life? Even her dream still tugged at her heart. She could be a mother. Couldn't she?

Her mother had once told her there was nothing she couldn't do if she worked hard – that every person was capable of changing their life. Sometimes they needed help, sometimes the changes they could make were not the ones they wanted most... But there was always a way to be better, to be more.

Kate wasn't sure if she agreed. She thought there were some problems that sucked people in so they couldn't get out. But for now, for herself... she knew what her mother would say. She was holding back. She was afraid, afraid of hurting him and his daughter, but also of hurting himself.

And then she remembered something in one of Richard's books. Typical, that it would be something he had written. It was a Storm novel... Derrick had been trying to convince a girl to go with him, to help him investigate a murder. The girl had been afraid and Derrick had made this whole speech convincing her to go. It hadn't been something profound, it was absurd that her mind would quote this at her when there was such a vast sea of literature to choose from.

"_Come on! What's the worst that could happen?"_

_"We could die, Storm."_

"_That's highly unlikely. And... even then... at least you'd know."_

"_Know what?"_

"_Who you are. Who you are when you're free."_

* * *

A/N: Hello. Thank you very much for reading, please review! Only nice people who give me lots of alerts get things like M rated chapters...


	22. Chapter 22

22

A/N: I feel I should apologise for being kind of 'Disney' sometimes. Sorry. But... I love Disney so actually I take being called that as a massive and adorable compliment!

* * *

Richard waited for Kate to answer. He was terribly worried that he'd overstepped, and her silence only scared him further. She had told him she didn't want complicated, she didn't want a relationship, she wanted them to just be friends... His question echoed around his own head as he wished he hadn't said it. "Don't you want me to know you?" It had been cruel, demanding. He had put her on the spot and it was his own fault she wasn't answering. She had made the boundaries very clear.

And he couldn't cope with them.

What? Was that really what he was thinking? He was the man, detachment was supposed to be easy for him. But the more he thought about it, the more he realised that he wasn't going to be able to cope with this. To draw it out would be unfair to both of them, and to everyone around him. They couldn't be together. It was just too complicated – and Kate didn't even want that. But they couldn't go on the way they were. Maybe she could. Maybe she was used to that kind of thing. He didn't judge her, he understood how difficult her life must be.

But she didn't want him to know her. He had seen the fear in her eyes when she revealed her identity to him. Fear... but mingled with relief. He could still help her. He still wanted to... because he loved her. Because... Because now she was in his life no other woman could ever satisfy him.

And yet he was about to end it. He was about to tell her that he wouldn't go on with what they were doing.

He looked over at her, her beautiful form draped on the couch across the room. She wasn't sleeping. He sat up and she did too; she had been paying attention in her silence. She probably felt guilty, but she shouldn't – he had asked, it was his fault.

"I can't do it," he whispered.

Kate looked at him, not understanding. Did he mean he was going to push her for answers?

"Can't do what?" she asked, afraid, but curious at the same time. What did he want from her? He seemed to cope with everything, seemed so eager to please. He didn't ask for much... Maybe he was going to ask now.

"I can't go on the way we are. I... I don't want to make love to you any more. I mean, I do. So badly. But I'm not going to force you into a relationship, being in one would only be dishonest – but at the same time, I can't... be attached to you physically but not emotionally."

Kate was stunned. She had not been expecting this. Richard was a man. She had _never _known a man to say no. To anything. She tried to think of what to say, how to convince him that he was wrong, that he wanted to be with her. She could kiss him, touch him in ways that only she knew how; she could make him beg for her to take him, to love him, to do anything with him as long as she didn't stop. She could have him completely under her control in seconds... But instead she nodded.

"I... I understand. I'm sorry. I'll go-" she began, standing up and picking up her dress.

"No! Don't leave!" he pleaded.

She was confused. "I thought you wanted me to."

"I... I still want us to be friends."

She smiled gently. "Are you sure that's a good idea? I... I don't want to torture you."

"I know what I can take. Not seeing you would be far, far worse than simply being your friend."

"But the sex is so good..." she joked half heartedly.

"I know," Richard said sadly. "But I'll only scare you away. I care about you too much to do that."

"You care about me too much to have sex with me? Now that is a first," Kate teased, but in her heart she was serious and she was touched. In a way she couldn't believe she was letting this happen, she was letting him slip away. She wanted to run into his arms and tell him that she loved him, that he was free to love her, that they would be together... But it would be a lie. She didn't love him. Did she? Perhaps it was too soon to tell...

No. She didn't. She couldn't. Her 'walls', as she called them, were the only thing separating her from unbearable pain. She couldn't break them down and she couldn't let him breach them. She lived in her own personal hell and she wasn't about to inflict that on anyone, let alone someone she cared so much about.

"So... can I still be your partner?" Richard asked tentatively. Kate wanted to hug him, he looked so nervous and desperate.

"Always," she whispered, still wishing there was something she could say or do to change what had just happened. But there was nothing. She could think of nothing.

He helped her put her dress back on. It was funny, really, how careful he was when only the night before his hands had ravaged her body. His fingers brushed between her shoulder blades and she felt a hard ache flow down her spine, settling below her stomach as she gritted her teeth and held in the little moan that wanted to escape her mouth.

They decided to work for the rest of the afternoon. Richard produced a map of London and Kate showed him the high danger areas that the police never seemed to reach. He listened intently. They also looked through the paper. Kate often searched for missing people – so many people just seemed to disappear, and a horrifying number of them were children. She began to tell Richard about one particular case involving a little girl not much younger than Alexis, but regretted it when she saw the pain in his eyes.

"How can I help?" he asked as he scanned the column of names. "There aren't even pictures. How... There must be so many that even you don't find."

"Far too many," Kate admitted. But it was her choice. The guilt should not have been hers but she chose to shoulder it, she chose to look all she could and do all she could, to regret every night not spent working, to regret every second she spent on herself and not on others... In a way it helped her not to think about the pain that was really hers.

"There are places to look," she told him. "I go to the poor house regularly; children often seem to end up there. And there's a baker who throws stale crusts out every morning... there are ways you can help."

"And that's where you go?"

"I was at the bakery this morning, before I came here. I take the name of every child and I try to find who they belong to. They look after each other, though. And they're often very useful when I need eyes and ears in the streets."

"Do you like children?" Richard asked with a glint in his eye. Kate caught it and raised her eyebrows.

"I like them when they're old enough to go to the toilet by themselves and know how to chew with their mouths closed."

Richard laughed. He could tell she was lying but he wasn't going to confront her about it. Women were strange about children. And a woman as wounded as Kate seemed to be... it was natural that she might be touchy about the subject.

Kate didn't find any of her names on the list. She knew that some missing people didn't want to be found. Children ran away from factories or abusive parents... There was nothing to support them. They had no one. No one but the rare friendly shopkeeper, and people like her. She didn't want to be a mother but she was already more of one than she would ever admit. She was even turning into one for Alexis.

Dinner time arrived and Alexis and Martha returned in good spirits. Alexis had found a pair of fencing gloves which Kate admired enthusiastically. Martha had ordered yet another hat, with Richard's money, but Richard's horror was entirely faked.

"I'm sure it's lovely," he said after she swatted him with her scarf. Alexis grinned.

"I think it's hideous," she whispered to Kate. Kate giggled. There was something so sweet about Alexis that no matter how worried she was, she always felt a younger and more innocent when she talked to the girl. Martha raised her eyebrows, having heard the comment, but in the end laughed as well.

"Did you have a nice afternoon?" she asked Kate. Kate smiled.

"I was working. It was fairly dull, really. I stayed here and explained some of what I do to Richard."

"He's going to write about you, isn't he?" Alexis asked with a sigh.

"Why is that bad?" Richard demanded.

"It's not. Necessarily. But... You can like someone without turning them into a character in one of your books."

Kate winked. "It's alright. I'm sure he'll do me justice. And if he doesn't, I'll ask for a higher percentage of the profits."

Alexis laughed. "I'm in one of his books. Maybe I should ask for some money."

"Who pays for all your clothes and education?" Richard asked her. Alexis blushed but he grinned.

"No, you're right," he said to her. "You really do deserve some credit. You're the one who makes sure I finish on time."

Martha looked sideways at Kate; they were seated round the dining table at this point. "He's right you know. She's the only organised one in the family. I don't know where she gets it."

"It wasn't her mother," Richard added. "That would explain it, but Meredith was just as flighty as I am."

Alexis looked at him. "Maybe you aren't really my father..."

She said it deadpan and for a moment Kate was quite worried, until the whole family erupted into laughter around her.

"You didn't think I meant it, did you?" Alexis asked, worried, as Kate produced a weak smile from her nervous face.

The dinner continued and they talked for over an hour after the food had been cleared away. Then Alexis insisted on some fencing, especially because she 'needed' to try out her new gloves. Martha excused herself to go to bed with a meaningful nod to Kate. She had sensed the changed atmosphere between Kate and Richard. Alexis hadn't, but she was getting there. Martha didn't miss much when it came to elephants in rooms and she had a pretty good idea about what had happened. She wouldn't interfere, but she hoped the two 'children' would realise on their own that they would be able to work it out.

An exhausted Alexis left after an hour of fencing, and as soon as she had gone Kate said she would go too.

"We can be alone together," Richard said. "I trust you."

Kate laughed. "I know. But I am tired, and I want to work tonight."

"Can I come?"

Kate bit her lip. "Is it alright if I say no? Just for tonight," she added hurriedly. "I... I have a lot to think about and I'd rather be alone."

"No problem," Richard said gently. "I understand. I wish... I wish it could be different."

"Me too," Kate said honestly. "You've no idea..."

"Maybe one day it will be," Richard said, trying to sound hopeful.

"Maybe," Kate agreed. She didn't know how, though. So much would have to change...

* * *

Richard finally closed his book, having written several thousand words. Kate might not love him but Nikki could love Rook, the ruggedly handsome journalist who was helping her with her detective work. In a way the fictional characters helped, but they also made reality even harder to face.

He threw off his sweaty clothes and washed himself, then collapsed into bed. He was drained, physically and emotionally. He couldn't believe he had _chosen _this. He had chosen to go to bed alone tonight, to be pining for her instead of devouring her, to be wishing instead of living the dream.

He told himself again and again that he had made the only rational choice. He had done the right thing. Anything else would have been unfair. He had to be strong. She had said maybe – maybe he could convince her. Maybe one day...

_There was a tap on his bedroom door. He opened his eyes groggily and stumbled out of bed to open it, wondering what anyone could want at this time of night... _

"_Hey," she said shyly. She was wearing just a shirt, one of his, the one she had borrowed for fencing. She was holding a candle which lit her face with a flickering, golden glow. _

"_Why are you... I can't," he said weakly. "I want to, I do, and you're lovely, but I can't."_

_She came into the room and locked the door, then put the candle down on the chest of drawers. Not looking at him, she began to speak._

"_I know what you said, and I agree. It wasn't enough. So," she turned to face him, "I want more. I... I didn't want to admit it and I know I'm a long way from simple and uncomplicated but... I can't stand to be without you. And the reason for that is... that I love you."_

"_You-"_

"_I won't say it again but it's the truth and this is embarrassing so will you please just accept it?"_

"_Uhm... sure. And I love you too... You're perfect..."_

"_Thank you," she said with a saucy smile, pulling the shirt off over her head to reveal her delectable naked body. She closed the gap between them and pulled his head to hers, capturing his mouth in a long, frenzied kiss. _

* * *

A/N: Sorry... But never fear, I believe in happy endings. Now write me a review and I might continue his dream.


	23. Chapter 23

23

"_Thank you," she said with a saucy smile, pulling the shirt off over her head to reveal her delectable naked body. She closed the gap between them and pulled his head to hers, capturing his mouth in a long, frenzied kiss. He staggered with her to the bed; he didn't have any clothes to remove and she was touching him in such a way that it was all going to be over in a few minutes._

"_Hey, slow down," he said to her. "You know I can do better than this."_

_"I don't want you to," she growled, pushing him back onto the mattress and guiding him inside her._

_"And what about-"_

_"Shut up, Castle," she said with a small smile, leaning down to kiss him. Her hands caressed his chest as she moved up and down; his hips copied her motion and he could feel himself getting closer and closer, dangerously close and she was moaning his name and he cried out hers in a glorious climax-_

Richard sat bolt upright in his now soaking sheets. It took a moment for him to realise what had happened, then he cursed loudly and got out of bed, stripping it before anything could soak through to the mattress. Most of the blankets were alright, it was just a few sheets. He pulled on a shirt and took them down to the scullery. He was glad that he took enough interest in the running of his house to know where to find clean sheets – and that he took enough interest in the running of his life to know how to put them on the bed.

When he had finally sorted everything out he didn't feel tired at all. He was frustrated with himself, and with Kate, and with his mind for producing such a fantasy when it was he who had chosen to end things with her.

He forced himself to lie down and tried to sleep but it was no good. He wondered what Kate would be doing. He hoped she would be thinking about him but he regretted thinking that almost immediately. He didn't wish any worry or hurt on her. He wanted her to return his feelings, but most importantly, he wanted her to be happy.

* * *

Kate changed quickly into her more practical outfit and it wasn't long before she was prowling the streets. She hadn't heard about any murders... There would be parties, of course, but her conversation with Richard, as well as with the children that morning, took her to a different spot.

The houses in this part of London were so crowded together it was impossible to tell where one started and another began – and so many families lived in each 'house' that it didn't really matter. The streets were filthy. Police officers rarely ventured out this far – they paid locals to patrol the streets. The patrols were rare and utterly unreliable. It was dangerous even for Kate to be here at night, but something she had heard had brought her here anyway.

Despite the poverty and diabolical conditions, crime among these people was low. A man might steal a loaf of bread to feed his family, but people tended to look after each other.

However, this was not always the case. A man protects his own. A woman cares first and foremost for her children. A child, however kind, knows if she does not eat she will starve, and if she gives up her shelter, she will be the one to freeze.

It angered Kate to see things like this so close to where people were so wealthy. It was wrong but there was only so much she could do to help. She respected Richard for wanting to help as well, but she had a feeling the people here would only despise him.

Human filth streamed down either side of the narrow road and rats scurried boldly at her feet. The smell made her want to gag; the air was thick with disease and death. She found a child that she recognised huddled in a doorway and shuddered to think that he seemed perfectly cheerful to be there.

"M'lady!" he said happily as she revealed herself from the shadows.

"Hello Charlie," she said with a grin. Her mask only covered the top half of her face – and even if Charlie had seen all of her he wouldn't have been any the wiser. From what she could tell, he was about nine years old. He couldn't read or write – she was working on it – but he was as quick with his mind as he was with his light fingers.

"Billy said 'e seen you this mornin'. D'ya need sumfin?"

"No. Just checking on you."

"Don't need no one checkin'."

"I know you don't, Charlie. I'm checking for my benefit."

Charlie winked at her. "Course. You don't want to lose yer asset."

"Exactly. Have you talked to Ellie?"

Charlie shook his head.

"You know where she is?"

Another negative. Kate raised her eyebrows and handed him a bright silver coin from her pocket.

"Sorry M'lady, I ain't seen 'er. But I know why you want 'er. It's 'bout the new kid, ain't it?"

Kate nodded. "Do you know anything about her?"

Charlie looked at the coin and then back at Kate. She narrowed her eyes and he shrugged.

"No 'arm in tryin' for it," he said with a smile. "Don't know much. She's older, ain't a woman but ain't one of us. I'd 'elp 'er but she can't do nuffin, can't old 'er own. Don't want to be cruel, gave 'er some bread but she ain't 'elpin us and we ain't got nuffin to spare."

Kate nodded reassuringly. She knew Charlie valued her respect.

"I don't blame you. Do you know where she is?"

"Don't know where she'll sleep. Ain't much goin', 'specially wivout money... She might be down the end, at the pit."

The pit was a group of public toilets at the end of the street; a lot of the stench even where Kate was came from it.

"She's sleeping there?"

"Don't know. I done it meself once. Years ago. 'Fore I learned anyfing."

"So it's possible."

"Anyfing's possible, M'lady. It's rainin'," he commented, looking up at the sky. "If you ain't got a roof you'll freeze to death. I'd rather a stink than a grave, meself."

Kate nodded. She could hardly dispute that.

"Will you take her wiv you?" Charlie asked rather longingly. Kate shook her head.

"I can't. I'll take her to the inn, though."

Charlie's eyes brightened and Kate flipped him another coin.

"Thank you," he said, deliberately copying her way of speaking.

"You look out for the girl, won't you?"

"Yes, M'lady," he promised, then tipped his hat to her and went to get himself a bed for the night. Kate doubted he would spend the money. He'd either try to persuade the owner to let him sleep in the stable for a tiny fraction of it, or save it up. She found Charlie fascinating in that way. He had nothing, but he still tried to save his money. He was currently saving up for some new clothes so he could get a job in a 'fancy 'ouse'.

She melted herself back into the shadows and tried to forget about her nose as she got closer to the pit. She forced herself into the shack that covered the holes in the ground and sure enough, there was a figure huddled in there, a girl of about fifteen, she thought. She bent down and lifted her up; she was light as a feather. The girl was clearly ill; pasty white and stick thin. Kate used the back entrance to the inn and the barman came through to the kitchen to meet her. She tossed him some money without even looking up.

"Get me some blankets and hot water," she commanded. He shouted something to a barmaid and soon Kate had what she needed. She lay the girl down on a thin hay mattress at the side of the room and began to wash her. She was covered in bruises and barely conscious. Her eyes fluttered open at Kate's touch and she let out a tiny sound.

"Hello," Kate whispered. "My name's Kate. I'm going to help you. What's yours?"

"Sally," the girl managed to whisper.

Kate tried to soothe her as she washed her and began to remove her filthy clothes, but to her horror, when she took of Sally's shawl, she realised she was pregnant. Not far along, just showing a little – and more because of how thin she was.

"Go out to the main room and see if Charlie's there," Kate said to the barmaid. The maid looked black.

"Little boy. Wears a blue cap. Just shout Charlie," she said exasperatedly. The maid left and Charlie came in seconds later.

"What d'ya need?" he asked, wiping some gravy away from his mouth with his sleeve.

"I need you to fetch a doctor."

"She alright?"

"She's pregnant."

"Jesus..." Charlie said. He didn't wait to be paid, just ran out of the door. He had a good heart, that boy.

* * *

It was almost morning before Kate got home. Sally was much better; Charlie had said he would keep an eye on her. Kate had promised Sally she would be back the next night and had overpaid the innkeeper to make damn sure she was well looked after. She wondered about bringing Richard... Sally was the same age as Alexis. But he had said he wanted to help. And she knew he would love Charlie.

She washed herself thoroughly despite her tiredness, but she still couldn't get rid of the smell. She would wash her hair in the morning – she would HAVE to wash it before seeing Richard. She groaned at herself. Seeing Richard shouldn't matter like that to her.

She knew he was right. She felt selfish for starting things with him to begin with. But at the same time... she was desperate for it not to end. Or... for it to begin. She hadn't felt this way about someone in... well, ever. He made her feel so different, she wanted him in her life, she... She wanted to tell him things she'd never shared with anyone and she already knew that he would listen and help her however he could.

Was that what she was afraid of? That he would try to help her and put himself in harm's way? She had to keep him safe. Him and Alexis.

And then... Alexis. She had to talk to the girl. There were no two ways about it. She couldn't stand lying... She wished she could think of a way of letting Alexis know without telling her and putting her in danger. Alexis would want to do what Kate was doing, Kate was sure. And that wasn't going to happen, not yet, not while Lex was so young.

Kate sighed. She couldn't tell her. As clean as she was going to get, she collapsed into bed for a few hours sleep but her mind continued to whir away and she heard the clock strike six when she was still wide awake. She wondered when she would see Richard. She didn't have an invitation to his house; she knew he wanted to help in the evening but perhaps she would get a day off. She didn't know if she wanted that or not.

* * *

A/N: Thanks for reading, please review! Love you xxx


	24. Chapter 24

24

She was awoken far too early by a tap on her door. Never one to linger in bed, she got up, despite her tiredness, and called for Lanie to come in.

"You seem tired. When did you get to sleep?"

"Uhm, about six, maybe. What time is it now?"

"Half past nine. But you have a visitor."

"I have a what?"

"A visitor. It's Alexis. She's waiting downstairs; I told her you would love to have tea with her and that you would go down to the bookshop when you were ready. She seemed happy to browse."

Kate stifled a yawn. She really did want to go back to sleep. She hurried to dress; Lanie helped her in the interest of speed, and washed her mouth out while she attacked her hair with a comb. It took almost half an hour for her to be presentable; Lanie left to prepare some tea and cakes and Kate hurried down to see her young friend.

"Good morning," she said with a wide smile when she saw Alexis. "How are you?"

"I'm very well. I just wanted to come to thank you so much for being there yesterday. You made it so much more tolerable, and I had a wonderful evening with you as well."

"You're very welcome. Thank you for inviting me. I can't say tea with those girls is really _my _cup of tea, but any time spent with you is a pleasure, Alexis."

Alexis grinned. "It's so nice of you to say so."

"Won't you come up and have something to eat or drink?"

Kate realised she had absolutely no idea if her apartment was in a fit state to receive visitors but it was too late now. Alexis wouldn't judge, anyway.

They sat together in front of her fireplace, sipping tea and eating cake. After Alexis had let out another gushing thank you, they began to talk about books again, but Kate could tell Alexis had something else on her mind.

"Just ask," she said to the girl. "I won't be offended."

Alexis bit her lip. "I actually have two questions."

"Go on."

"The first is... What happened between you and my father? I almost didn't notice but... something happened, didn't it?"

"We... decided to remain just friends," Kate told her. Alexis sighed.

"I thought so, but Sara... you two seem to work so well together. He's only been close to marrying again once in my whole life and I don't like to think of him alone. I mean I'm not saying you should marry him and of course I don't know how you feel but..." she trailed off, feeling as though she had gone far too far already. Kate was nice, though.

"I know what you mean, and it makes perfect sense that you want your father to be happy. But I don't think he would be happy with me as any more than his friend."

Kate was almost expecting a 'why not?' but Alexis didn't give her one. Instead she asked if she could ask her second question. Kate nodded.

"Are you Lady Beckett?"

Kate almost dropped her teacup. She could laugh it off. She could persuade Alexis to put it all down to childish fancy. It would be easy, just as it would have been easy to do with Rick.

"Yes," she said simply. "And I am very sorry not to have told you before-"

"Don't be! I understand. Secrecy keeps you and other people safe. I would never have worked it out but I saw so much of you and you were so good at fighting, and then yesterday Dad said your name and he was clearly upset and he stared with 'Ka' before he changed it to Sara. And I just knew. I like you so much and respect you so much for it – and don't worry, you can trust me completely."

Kate nodded. "Thank you," she said slowly. "And thank you for working it out. I like you a lot, Alexis, and it was very difficult not being able to tell you. In a way you've solved the dilemma for me. I didn't want to put you in danger and I am worried about that, but I very much hope that between us, your father and I can keep you safe."

Alexis laughed. "I don't think I need to be kept safe. Especially by my father. Have you seen him fence?"

Kate laughed with her. "You're right. You are very good – but some people are better, and some people can outnumber you or catch you unawares. It's one thing being able to win in a fair fight – it's quite another being able to defend yourself against attackers who will go to any means necessary to eliminate you as a threat."

Alexis nodded soberly. "I know. And... I was wondering..."

She didn't finish, but Kate knew what she had been about to say.

"I would love to teach you things, Alexis. And now that you know, we can tell your father that you do."

"Is he helping you? With your work, is he helping you when he goes out at night?"

Kate chuckled. "He's not as sneaky as he thought, then. Yes, he is."

"Can I help you?"

Kate sighed. She had known this was coming too. "No," she said. "I won't let you put yourself in danger. You're so young, you have your whole life ahead of you-"

"You're young too, and you also have a whole life ahead of you! Why should you be allowed to risk it and not me? And why should you decide whether I can or can't do something good, something to help people."

"You can help people, Alexis. In that way of course you can help. But putting yourself in danger... there are a very specific set of reasons why I do it. I can't stop your father helping me – he's older and stronger and, I hate to say it, but he is an adult and though you are intelligent and sensible, you are still a child."

Alexis bit her lip again, clearly trying to contain her anger, but she wasn't stupid, and she did understand where Kate was coming from. She didn't agree, though.

"My father is all I have," she said, "apart from his mother, and while I love her... Look, I need him. Just take care of him, okay? And... I think you're wrong. You shouldn't be allowed to decide for me just because of the path you've chosen to take with your life."

Kate took her hand. "I don't want to, and of course, I can't. Not really. But I hope you'll make the right choice for yourself."

Alexis sighed. She was incapable of being angry for long, and she was having tea with her idol! She just didn't want to be in a bad mood.

"Is everything... I mean, I've heard a lot of rumours. I know some of them can't be true, but..."

"Are any of them?" Kate finished for her with a laugh. "Yes, I would say that some are true. Tell you what. You ask me what you want to know, and I'll tell you."

Alexis shook her head. "That's the kind of thing my father would love – but I don't think you told him he could do that, did you? I think you're tricking me. You know I won't ask."

"Perhaps I am a little. I don't eat men, if that makes you feel any better."

Alexis laughed. "Lots better. What about girls?"

"I don't eat them either."

* * *

Alexis invited Kate back for dinner and she happily accepted. The idea of visiting the Castle household was so much more relaxing now that they all knew who she was. She hated having to hide her identity. Alexis left at about eleven and Kate went to bed; she was exhausted and would have to be up for a lot of the night. She packed a bag with her 'night' clothes and weapons and for once took a carriage to Richard's house. Richard greeted her awkwardly, but he seemed happy.

"Alexis told me," he said rather proudly. Kate didn't blame him. She would be proud of a daughter like that too.

"Which makes things simpler," she said.

"I suppose," he said, raising one eyebrow, "but at the same time, it doesn't really. Now she'll want to help all the time."

Kate thought of Sally, alone in her room above the bar, pregnant with a child who was likely the product of rape.

"I think I know of something she can help with, that she'll want to help with," she said.

"How was last night?" Richard asked.

"I found who I was looking for?"

"A murderer?"

"No. Someone I think I can help. You'll meet her tonight."

Richard just nodded; Alexis had appeared and they didn't want to peak her curiosity further.

"You're talking about work. It's alright," she said with a smile. "I will not force you to tell me about it. Shall we go into the parlor?"

Kate and Richard followed her into the living room. The evening passed with mainly polite conversation. Kate felt freer, but she was also tired and stressed, so aside from some playful joking with Richard, she didn't think she was a great addition to the family that evening. Alexis was happy she was there, though. And now that her identity was revealed they didn't have to wait until Alexis went to bed to begin getting ready to leave. Alexis left them to it, saying she would read upstairs before going to bed.

When they were left alone again Richard took an involuntary step towards Kate so he was just inches from her, and brought his hand up to stroke her tired face.

"You look drained," he told her. She leaned into his hand for a moment before moving away.

"I am tired," she said, "but I'll be fine."

She took out her clothes and felt him behind her again, undoing her dress. She protested but he stroked her shoulder.

"I'm not going to do anything. I just know it's hard to do this on your own. They don't seem to be designed for independence."

Kate chuckled. He helped her out of her corset but the already familiar feel of his hands on her skin was too much for her, no matter what he'd said. She turned and folded herself into his arms, crushing her lips to his as he stayed perfectly still. Her tears wet his face as he neither responded to her kiss nor pushed her away; he simply waited for her to stop and than hugged her to his chest. It was bizarre, him being the cool detached one while she was overtaken by her passion. She stepped back and he gently wiped away her tears.

"I know we can't," she said softly, picking up her clothes and hurrying to change into them. Richard got changed too and Kate forced herself not to look at him. She bit her lip. She didn't know what had just happened. She couldn't explain it. Why was she crying? If it was just about physical attraction, why did she feel so desolate?

* * *

A/N: As always, please review! And talk to me on twitter *winks* I'm zanna_sk and I love friends. xxx


	25. Chapter 25

25

They rode in the carriage to the inn where Sally was staying, stopping on the way to collect a discreet doctor that Kate knew. Kate explained what she knew to the doctor and Richard while they rode – Richard looked appalled, but the doctor didn't bat an eyelid. Richard noticed his calm reaction.

"Is this... are things like this normal?"

"Incredibly common," the doctor said coolly. His voice remained emotionless. Kate wished they didn't have to work with him, but he was an excellent doctor, very precise... He was similar in bed. He was also incredibly professional, and didn't let the fact that he had known her intimately get in the way of anything. She sometimes wondered if he even remembered; it had been a while ago. It hadn't exactly been payment but...

_She was twenty-two, alone in London, scared, lost... and determined to help people. She had her flat above Montgomery's but she rarely spent the night in this safer part of the city, choosing instead to wander the slums, helping children, some not much younger than herself. The children seemed to trust her, but they still kept their distance. _

_But one night she found a child who didn't flit away into the shadows when she came near. As she got closer she realised this little boy, who couldn't be more than six years old, must be very sick. He badly needed a doctor. She called out to an older girl who said she knew where to find one, and sure enough, the girl returned with Sidney (he never told her his last name). Sidney wasn't much older than her, and said he would help but he didn't do charity work. She didn't carry money – she wasn't confident enough yet, she thought it would be dangerous. _

_She had simply stared at him, a look she had learned from her mother, until he tended to the little boy. And when, afterwards, he said he wanted a drink, she went with him. He didn't force himself on her... She did it because she liked him, because he was attractive and she liked his dry wit, and because she was grateful. _

_He was very considerate, making sure she was never at risk... He knew _exactly _where to touch her. It was exciting the first few times, but... he was rather scientific about it. He knew a method that worked and he never deviated. Ever. At all. It did always work. But it was rather like listening to the same piece of beautiful music over and over again. The music didn't become any less beautiful, but the fun began to seep out of it when you knew exactly what was going to happen. _

_He hadn't minded when she'd broken that side of things off. He was very good at separating minds and bodies... And to be honest he didn't think much about minds. When he treated someone it was easy for him to detach himself... He treated objects rather than people. But he was brilliant at it. _

Once her mind was on Sidney in bed, it was impossible for Kate to prevent it from progressing to Richard in bed. And he was... something else. It was new, every time. He found places to explore that she hadn't even known existed, he kissed her with a fresh energy every time, he surprised her, and he let her surprise him. But not any more. He didn't want her to any more.

Which led her to wonder if it had really been as good for him as it was for her. She knew he cared about her, a lot, and that he wanted to have that kind of relationship with her, but she couldn't help thinking that if she amazed had him in the bedroom as much as he had amazed her, he wouldn't have been able to turn her down.

Sidney didn't even know what she looked like. She had kept the mask on. He hadn't minded.

She tapped on the roof and their driver stopped; she paid as they got out and he rode off into the night. They would be walking back. Sidney assessed the area as he followed them into the inn. Richard did too, wrinkling his nose at the smell and the dirty building. Kate patted him on the shoulder.

"You'll get used to it," she told him. They went up to Sally's room; Charlie was standing guard outside the door.

"Evenin', M'lady," he said. "Who's 'e? Ello, Doc," he added to Sidney, who touched his hat.

"This is a friend of mine," Kate said. Richard smiled and held out his hand; Sidney raised his eyebrows as Charlie shook it in his small, dirty fingers. Richard wiped his hand on his trousers and Charlie winked.

"Nice to meet ya, Guvner," he said, smiling. "I don't fink you've been 'ere before, 'ave ya?"

Richard shook his head. "Places like it, though," he said. "Places worse. But not for a while."

"I fink you're 'ere fer the lady," Charlie said, darting his eyes in Kate's direction. "And I wouldn't blame ya, she's-"

Kate swatted him with her hand and he closed his mouth, smiling at her innocently.

"I was going to say she's real professional," he said. Kate nodded.

"I'm sure you were. How's Sally?"

"Sick," he said. "She ain't eatin', says she ain't hungry but she's looks starved."

Kate opened the door to the room and Sidney went straight to the bed, opening his bag. Half an hour later, he told them that she was in shock and very undernourished, and that it was very likely that she had been sexually abused. Richard could hardly look at her; she made him think of Alexis. After trying to get Sally to eat some soup, talking to her a little, and giving Charlie some more money to stay with her and keep an eye on the other children and what they saw, Kate left with Richard. Sidney stayed at the inn, saying he would make his own way home.

"Why would he want to stay there?" Richard asked Kate. They had climbed up onto a tall building and paused to look at the night sky. For once the stars were visible through the smog and Kate watched them twinkle in the hazy night.

"Research. He likes to find out about people, how they live, how it affects them."

"You know him well?"

"Quite well, in a way. But I don't even know his last name."

Richard must have caught something from her body language or expression, even though she was wearing her mask.

"Do you _know _know him?" he asked, surprised.

"Are you jealous, Castle?" she asked, smiling at him, somehow managing to be a tease despite her real mood. He raised his eyebrows at her.

"Him? Isn't he a bit... I mean, I got the feeling you like to be more... adventurous. He doesn't seem the type."

"It was a while ago," she said. "And, yeah, he was fairly scientific. But he knew where everything went, he was very safe, and very effective."

"You got bored and ended it, didn't you?"

Kate laughed. "You judge me too well. I... I know this is an odd question but... I wasn't boring, was I? I mean-"

Richard just laughed. "You're honestly worried about that?"

Kate bit her lip. "I... I'm finding not being with you very hard. _Very _hard. I don't want your head to grow any bigger but I thought maybe-"

"It was easy for me to end things because I'd had better anyway? Kate, if this was just about sex, you would not be dressed right now. But you know I'm deeper than that. You are wonderful... every time was new, magical, perfect... You have no idea how badly I want you, every minute I'm with you, and even more when you're away from me."

Kate's shoulders relaxed; she was very relieved. Richard laughed again. "I can't believe you were worried about that."

"I just... wasn't sure, that's all."

Richard put his arm around her.

"You should think more highly of yourself."

"We've been there," Kate said. "I'm priceless. I know."

"You're the best I've ever had," he murmured.

"So why don't you want me?"

It slipped out before she even realised what she was saying – it was so weak, so pathetic, so... So _desperate. _Here she was, wanting him to respect her and what she did, but she was coming across like a weak, materialistic child.

"I do want you," he said quietly. "But I want more than you can give me."

"I wish it were different," Kate whispered into the night, to herself as well as to him. "I wish I were... more. I wish I had more to give you. But I..."

"You're hurt. You have to protect yourself. I don't blame you. But I can't be... I can't be a Sidney," he said with a small smile. "I can't settle for that. It would be wrong to pretend I could."

He stretched out his hand across the gap between them and took hold of hers. She squeezed his fingers and bit her lip, willing herself not to get upset. She had made her choice. She couldn't do this. She couldn't... Even if one day she broke down the walls around herself, she wasn't ready now. She just couldn't.

She only stopped herself by thinking of him. She would not hurt him like that. She would not risk him like that. She let go of his hand and they surveyed the streets for a while before going home. She took him to his door, worried about him.

"Until tomorrow, Lady Beckett," he said breezily. She wished she didn't have to leave him. She felt so empty when he had disappeared inside... She hurried home and got ready for some much needed sleep. She told herself when she curled up under the covers that she wasn't imagining his arms around her, that she could get to sleep perfectly well without thinking about a man. But she was lying.

She sighed. She might not be able to be with him but at least he was her friend. At least she would still see him, talk to him, joke with him, hold his hand... She finally managed to console herself with the thought that she would see him the next night, but... she just didn't know how if that was going to be enough for very long.

* * *

A/N: Revieeew! Or tweet me - zanna_sk, Love you guys!


	26. Chapter 26

26

A/N: For Verity. And Serena. But more for Verity. #shameless

* * *

Kate was woken very early in the morning by a tapping on her window. She looked at it curiously; the blinds were drawn so she couldn't see who it was. She thought it might be Richard, but she knew it couldn't be. He wouldn't make a speech like that and then turn up at her apartment at 5 in the morning for... for anything. She picked up her knife from the dressing table and wished she had time to put something, anything, on, but they were opening the window now. She braced herself. Someone could have been following her.

The blinds twitched; every cell in her body was on high alert. Perhaps she should start wearing a nightgown.

It was a man. He was wearing black, and a mask that covered the top half of his face. She could see his leer, though.

"You can put the knife down," he said. "I'm not going to hurt you. Tonight."

Kate shuddered and kept a firm hold on the knife. The man laughed.

"I have a message for you." He took an envelope out of his pocket and held it out to her; she didn't take it so he dropped it on the floor.

"Be seeing you," he said cheerfully as he moved back towards the window. Kate knew there was no point asking him anything... She had a feeling she'd met him before. And she was almost certain she knew who he worked for. When he was gone, still holding the knife, she bent down and picked up the envelope, slit it open, and tipped a letter out of it.

_Leave Sally Alone._

She knew who it was from. She was sure. She knew the handwriting. She had seen it nine years ago.

_Let your mother go or you will be next._

She still had the note, but there was no need for her to take it out of the little box it lived in along with her mother's old jewellery. The image of it was seared in her mind. She had taken no notice. She had almost been killed.

She looked in the glass at the thickest scar, the knife wound in her stomach which still pulled on cold nights, even though it was completely healed. She ran her finger along the smooth line and sucked in her breath, wondering what on earth Sally could have to do with him...

She called him Dragon. She didn't know who he was, just that he was powerful and political and impossible to touch. He had people everywhere, he was one of the reasons she had to hide her identity.

He had known she wouldn't die. His man – she strongly suspected it had been the same man who had just been in her room – had told her...

_She was in a dark cellar, she had been there for days. Her hands were tied above her head, they had taken her clothes, she was starving, dirty, and sure she was going to die. He came in every hour or so, the masked man. He asked her what she knew about his employer. She didn't say a word. She knew they were responsible for the death of her mother and she might just be nineteen, little more than a child, but she would not let them win. _

_He came in again, bringing as he always did the stub of a candle which lit the room enough for him to see where to hit her. She forced herself to look for something to hold on to, a ray of hope... He kept his mask on and did not reveal his identity – if he planned to kill her, there would be no need for the mask. _

"_Hello, My Lady," he said smoothly. She noticed he held a cup. Water. Her eyes widened and she instinctively lunged towards him. He chuckled and took a rag from his pocket. He dipped it in the water, which now saw was steaming hot, and approached her. He knelt in front of her; she was kneeling on the floor, resting as much as the chain from the ceiling attached to her wrists would allow. _

_He pressed the rag to the skin of her stomach, washing her. It was hot, burning hot, and tears glistened in her eyes. Then he took the rag away._

"_Now," he told her. "We are going to let you go. But you are going to stop. You are going to accept your mother's death, which was regrettable, and in time, probably about a year, you will be able to get on with your life."_

_She didn't understand, but her head was spinning from lack of food and water anyway. He pulled out his sword._

"_I am not going to kill you," he told her. He whistled and another masked man came in. "This is a doctor, the best in the city." The doctor was holding a gas lamp which showed the other side of the room to be much cleaner. There was a table. Kate strained to see but her eyelids were heavy and she couldn't make out much else._

_Her captor was still kneeling in front of her. He stroked her jaw gently. _

_"This is going to hurt," he told her. "And that is the idea. It will be agony. For months. You won't be able to move. You will hardly be able to breathe. But you're strong, you will survive. You'll be able to feel it though. I was cut this way, once. It was in a battle – I was lucky to live. But you never forget, the cold steel sliding into your flesh like butter as every nerve in your body screams for some release from pain worse than death. What I am about to do will mark you for life. And it will stop you. Because you will realise, in the end, that you want to live, but that you only live because we let you."_

_Kate struggled against her chains, a new wave of energy buzzing through her because she had to get out! _

"_Why not just kill me?" she asked, after he had watched her for a while. _

_"Because my employer is not an evil man, Katherine. He did not want to kill your mother and he does not want to kill you. You are young – you must be punished, your ways corrected – but you deserve a chance."_

_"I don't want his chance," Kate growled._

"_You have no choice," he said softly. "Think about life," he advised. "Before you fall unconscious, which may take almost an hour, think about this life which my employer is so graciously giving you, and think about how thankful you can be that you will have a life, and how foolish it would be not to obey."_

_His words were somehow more terrifying than his sword. He gave a shout and two more masked men came in and took hold of her; she screamed and writhed but they soon overpowered her and pinned her completely still. The first man undid her chains. He held his sword over the candle to sterilise it, then waited for it to cool. _

"_Be grateful, Lady Beckett," he said, then, with absolute precision, thrust the blade into her stomach. Her scream pierced the air, as sharp as the sword that had cut her. She screamed until her lungs were empty, which did not take long. This must be what death felt like. She wished for death, though. She vaguely noticed them lifting her onto the table and felt the doctor press something to the cut before she lost consciousness – but even then, the pain didn't stop._

Kate rubbed the scar. She told herself firmly that the only pain she had now was in her head.

"So what does Sally have to do with it?" she asked out loud. She had a horrible feeling that she could guess – and that it had something to do with Sally's baby. Her 'dragon' and his 'friends' liked women, young, pretty women, just as a lot of men did. Perhaps the Dragon wasn't truly evil himself, but from her research she was fairly sure he used women to keep in favour with other people. Sally must have been caught up in it somehow.

She didn't know what to do. They had to be watching Sally – how else would they know she had been looking after her? But... their concern meant that Sally knew something. But if Sally knew something she would be dead. Unless... Unless Sally was like her. She had been threatened into not talking. They had let her go, thinking, as they had done with Kate, that she wouldn't be a threat... but they knew that Kate wanted revenge and that she might be able to get something out of Sally that no one else would be able to.

So what could she do? She had to help. Sally was sick. And she had to find them. The fact that the Dragon was worried enough to send her a note meant that there was a real chance. Sally was a real chance, she knew something real, something important. Kate might finally be able to bring them to justice...

She stopped herself. She was thinking about risking a fifteen year old girl, a pregnant, abused, fifteen year old girl to get justice for herself.

It wasn't that simple, of course. She might save dozens, hundreds of people even. But she didn't know if she could do it – or rather, she knew that she could. She wanted to. But she didn't know if it would be right.

* * *

Richard was awoken far too early in the morning by a tapping on the bedroom window. His first thought was that it would be Kate – but how could she do something like that after their talk the night before? He scrabbled around as the window began to open, grabbing his candle holder to use as a weapon, and wishing he was wearing something more than... nothing.

"Kate!" he gasped as she slipped through the blinds. She had to laugh, despite her worry, at the similarity of his situation to the one she had been in earlier.

"Sorry," she said through a giggle. She sobered up quickly, though. "I have to ask you about something."

"And it couldn't wait?"

"No," she said shortly. He pulled on some underwear and sat down on the bed, looking at her expectantly. She began to explain, leaving out the part about her imprisonment and injury. She simply told him that she had been threatened to leave it alone and she had, but that was largely because she'd had no information anyway.

"I was so young, Castle, and so scared. I didn't know what to do... So I decided to find away to help other people. I trained myself, I went abroad and trained more, and I came back here to protect people so they didn't end up like my mother. But... He's done so much wrong, him and everyone around him. I can't use Sally, it would be wrong – but she's in danger anyway, and stopping him would save and bring justice to so many people... not just me."

Richard listened to everything she said, and immediately understood her dilemma.

"I don't even know if she's okay now," Kate said. "I mean, Charlie would have got a message to me... unless something happened to him! I put him in danger too and he really is just a child, just a little boy..."

Richard took her hand. She bit her lip.

"I'm so sorry to bother you so early-"

"Don't apologise," he told her firmly. "I'm glad you came to me. Now, just relax a little. We'll work out what to do."

Kate nodded. "Charlie," she said after a moment. "I have to get a message to him. So I have to see the other children."

She looked outside. It was getting light. She would have to go as Lady Sara.

"Can I borrow a dress?" she asked.

In half an hour, Kate was ready to go. Alexis, woken up to find clothes, insisted on going with her.

"It'll be more convincing – people doing charity work always go in twos," she said. Kate frowned but admitted that Alexis was right. They would be far less conspicuous together – 2 philanthropic ladies feeding hungry children. Richard couldn't go; he understood but wished there was something he could do. Kate handed him the box, the one she kept the rings in. She had brought it with her.

"Read the papers in there. Since you know... you might as well have read the documents."

He nodded. Kate regretting giving it to him almost immediately. She was sure it would have the same effect on him, on what he thought of her, as Pandora's box had had on the world.

* * *

A/N: Happy Castle Monday folks! I hope you liked the chapter and please review! And Serena... if you unfollow me they will NEVER have sex again. #TwoCanPlayAtTheBlackmailGame. Also, bribery - if you review, I feel more inspired to write scenes of a 'lovely' nature...


	27. Chapter 27

27

A/N: I should be studying... But I suddenly had a wave of inspiration which I think you (cough you know who you are cough) will appreciate. And my exam isn't until tomorrow – YOLO!

Also – as a smart reviewer pointed out, Sherlock Holmes shouldn't really be published yet, since it came out just before 1900. Which I knew... my brain is sometimes slow at making connections. However, this is an AU fic so maybe Sherlock started a bit sooner in this universe?

* * *

Richard looked through everything in the little box that Kate had given him, and felt his heart break for her a little more with each new document. He had known she was wounded, he had guessed everything, almost teasing guesses... He felt terrible now. He had played with something that he should never have touched, that he should never have invaded, but at the same time, now that he knew about it all there was nothing he wanted to do more than help her. He wanted to fix it, to fix everything...

It all made sense now. Her fear, her fear of love and attachment. Everything had been taken away from her and she was constantly under observation, constantly under threat. That was why she hadn't wanted anyone to know about him, that was why she had been so careful. She hadn't wanted them to know about him. _Them. _In her own notes she called the leader 'Dragon'; she knew that he was a high up politician, but she didn't know who. She had never met him. There were a few names there with question marks beside them. Some she suspected to have connections to Dragon, some were just dishonest.

The thing which got to Richard the most was the clinical description of Kate's mother's case. Johanna Beckett, killed nine years ago, an unsolved stabbing, related to some charity work she was doing. The police had attributed her death to random violence in a dangerous area, but Kate had known this was wrong. She had considered police corruption, espionage, money... but none of her theories had been correct. She still did not even know why her mother had been killed. Richard could see how this could have destroyed her – and in a way it _had _destroyed her. Kate Beckett was a remarkable woman, a woman who brought justice and peace and safety to dozens of people, but she wasn't whole. She protected herself from the pain she must have felt, from the pain she must still be feeling, by not allowing herself to care for anyone and not letting anyone care about her.

Richard couldn't believe that this was working. As he read through this box that was Kate's life, he thought about her face when she had climbed through his window earlier. Desperate. Miserable and desperate. She had needed him, she had been lost... her steely strength had returned almost immediately but he knew that the scared nineteen year old was still in there. Kate hadn't been able to deal with her so she had locked her away instead, choosing to live this half-life of self denial and sacrifice.

As he waited for her return, he wondered what on earth he could do. There was nothing he wanted more than to save her. He was worried about Sally, but from what he had read about the people watching Kate, he was worried about Kate more. The thought of something happening to her because she went against their orders...

And then there was Lady Sara. Richard had thought Lady Sara existed purely so that Lady Beckett remained unknown. He had thought he was the only one to know that Sara was Kate. But it seemed that Dragon knew this as well. Though the thought hurt him more than he could describe, he couldn't help but wonder, if Dragon knew everything about Kate's life, both sides of it, why she was still alive.

Until he found a note that Kate had written herself, almost a journal entry. The penmanship was scruffy, almost illegible at times, and many words had been crossed out or changed. The paper was crumpled, as though she had screwed it up, intending to throw it out, but had changed her mind and unfolded it again.

_He let me go. I don't understand. He found me, he was torturing me... I say he, I don't even know who the men were working for, they just said their boss. He knows everything about me and he's going to watch me, but he wants me to live. They told me he is a good person, he approves of my helping people, of this double life, of everything. They told me I owe him my life. They disabled me so I never forget. And they told me I live because he lets me, and I must never forget. _

_I will never forget. They will watch me for the rest of my life. They will watch me as I tear them down, they will watch me as I make them pay for everything they have done, and they will watch me as I smile, when they let out their last breath, bleeding out at my feet._

Such anger... He had never thought her capable of imagining it, imagining killing, killing more than one person, smiling while she did it. He saw a side to her in this which he had never seen before. A passionate side, a side which wanted more than justice – a side which sought revenge.

"They will watch me for the rest of my life." So they knew about Sally. They knew she was friends with him, and friends with Alexis. They knew where she lived. He felt terrified for his daughter and momentarily contemplated rushing her back to Castle manor as soon as she got home, but he realised that the power this 'Dragon' had meant if he wanted them dead, they would be dead already. So he must not think of them as a threat.

From the research Kate had done, he was a curious person. His name appeared, or rumours about it. He cared about children, little boys especially. Some said he had even saved a child once, putting himself in danger. No one admitted to working for him but the rumour that he was a good employer was still passed around. Richard read through Kate's list of possibilities again and his eyes settled on a name. A man interested in philanthropy, a man who was working to make factories safer and end child labour, a man who supported mass education and the welfare state... A man who no one would ever believe was a killer.

That was why Richard thought it had to be him. He had no proof, no evidence, just a gut feeling that it would be the one that nothing pointed to, it would be the one with the perfect mask.

Sir William Bracken.

He heard the front door, followed by Kate's and Alexis' voices. They were back. And he had to talk to her. They were smiling, talking... They both stopping in their tracks when they saw his face.

"Alexis," he said quietly. "Could I talk to Lady Beckett alone, please?"

Alexis opened her mouth to say something but thought better of it, brushed Kate's shoulder with her hand, and disappeared upstairs. Kate looked at Richard questioningly.

"Don't you want to know what happened?"

"I can see from your faces it turned out alright. I..." He knew exactly what he wanted to ask. He wanted to drop to his knees in front of her, tears in his eyes, and ask 'Why didn't you tell me?'. And then he wanted to ask why she _had _told him now. Instead he just looked at her, trying desperately to work her out, trying to see her, trying to see under her mask, beyond her walls, past the shields...

"What is it, Castle?" Kate asked, exasperated. She wanted to talk to him about Sally, about what had happened that morning, and he had just sent his daughter away, presumably because he wanted to talk about something which she really was not in the mood to talk about.

"I... I had no idea," he said weakly.

Kate realised what he was talking about. "Pandora's box," she said quietly. "You weren't supposed to have any idea. I'm sorry I gave that to you."

"Don't be sorry," he said, instinctively stepping forward and taking her gloved hand. She gently pulled away.

"I am," she said softly. "I didn't realise it would... you're hurt."

Richard couldn't help it, no matter how sad he was for her, he was angry now. How could she not see? How could she not have realised it would affect him emotionally? How could she not know that everything about her, every sad look that crossed her face, every tiny amount of pain she had ever suffered, ripped through his heart and drove him crazy.

"How could you not realise?" he asked, trying not to show her how angry he was. Kate looked up at him and felt like an idiot. But still she was pretending.

"I... bad things happen to people. They're not happening to me now. There's nothing you can do, you didn't know me then. You know me now and you're helping. You don't have to worry about anything else."

"Don't have to worry... what happened to you? You said they hurt you, you wrote it down! And then instead of talking to me, instead of letting me in, you show me these papers so you don't have to see my face..." he brought his arms up and down, shouting at her as he tried to make her understand, his eyes prickling with tears. "You didn't want to see my face, to talk to me about this, to admit that there's something between us, to show any weakness... You didn't want to tell me because you wanted to seem strong but I see through you, Kate Beckett! I see through this. This wall, this mask that you wear. I see through it. You won't let me touch what's behind there, you don't want to let me in, but I see you, Kate, and I am not going to stop looking until you admit to it all and you _let me help you_."

"Do you know what you're asking me to do?" Kate shouted back. "You know I care about you. But that's not enough. You want me to reopen all my old wounds, pour my life for you to explore and play in! Did you ever think that this might be more complicated? That I might not want to share this with you? Why do you even want to see that part of me?"

"Because... Because I love-"

"No. Don't you dare say that, Castle."

"Why not? Why shouldn't I? It's true. I love you, and I think it's a long time since anyone has ever said that to you, and I think you need to hear it."

Kate didn't say anything. She was so ready to shout, to scream at him, to run out of his house, to tell him she never wanted to see him again... Instead she bit her lip and tried not to cry. Her face calmed him instantly; in a second he was in front of her with his hands on her shoulders.

"I just... I don't know... What do you want, Kate?" he asked.

Kate looked up at him, catching his eyes with hers, forcing herself to let him cut into her soul.

"You," she whispered. "I just want you."

She reached up to touch him but he pushed her away.

"You don't know what you want," he told her, turning away. "You can show yourself out."

He had said no. Again. He had said no. He was so strong. Kate had never wanted him more. He was the only man who had ever said no, the only man she had ever wanted this way, the only man she had ever felt this way about.

She left his house. It had started to rain; it was the middle of the day but the streets were dark and almost empty. The only people she shared them with rushed past with black umbrellas, hurrying to get out of the downpour. She looked up at the sky, letting the heavy drops hit her face and wondered what the hell she was doing. This couldn't be it. It couldn't be over. She had to see him again. She needed him, she needed his help, but more than that, more than getting justice, more than worrying about Sally, more than caring about any other person in the world, she needed him for _her-_

She was standing in the rain, crying, looking so desolate, and he just had to. There was no alternative. It was what he needed, it was what she needed, it was a mess, a beautiful, disastrous mess, but there was nothing else to do but grab her from behind and kiss her for all he was worth.

Richard didn't need to say anything. Kate didn't either. Relief flooded through her as her body melted against his, as he pulled her back to the house and up the stairs... Kate knew it was bigger than this. He was going to give in to her, he was going to expose himself, put himself on the line... And she was not going to let him down. She might not be able to say it, but she... she was committed to this. She would not hurt him. She could never hurt him.

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A/N: So the next chapter is... what a lot of you have been asking for. IF I feel loved. lol. I am so demanding. Review!


	28. Chapter 28

28

_Richard didn't need to say anything. Kate didn't either. Relief flooded through her as her body melted against his, as he pulled her back to the house and up the stairs... Kate knew it was bigger than this. He was going to give in to her, he was going to expose himself, put himself on the line... And she was not going to let him down. She might not be able to say it, but she... she was committed to this. She would not hurt him. She could never hurt him. _

Kate let herself be dragged into Richard's bedroom, exploring his mouth with her tongue in a way she had never allowed herself to before. He still touched her in all the right places, and the right places hadn't changed, but somehow his hands felt different. Stronger, surer, a perfect fit to her elegant frame. Her hands roamed over his body, untucking his shirt and sliding under it, grabbing and caressing every inch of skin they could get close to. Her gloves had disappeared somewhere in the hallway; she felt Richard's hands move over her shoulders and her dress rustled to the floor.

Richard leaned down to kiss that perfect collarbone, his hands pulling her waist in so close to him she could feel him pressing against her through their many layers of clothing. Kate tipped back her head and let out a whimper, feeling... everything. All of it. For once, she was holding nothing back, and her whole body was screaming at the difference. Richard was somehow managing to undo her corset while he kissed her, his mouth now doing things to her neck she didn't know were possible. It was as if he was drinking out her soul and it was the most wonderful sensation in the world.

He tugged the garment away and helped her out of her skirt; she barely noticed what he was doing because now his hands were on her bare skin and she was all but naked in front of him, for the first time allowing him to love her body, wanting him to love it, wanting him to want nothing more than her for the rest of his life. She tore at his shirt, needing to feel his skin too. He scrambled out of everything he was wearing, which was not made easier by the fact that it was all soaking wet. Richard pulled the pins out of Kate's damp hair and clutched at it with his hands, elated just to be able to hold her again, because it felt different. She was different. Something had changed in her – she was showing him everything.

Richard tugged Kate out of the white underwear she still had on; they hadn't even made it to the bed yet. She struggled to get her mouth on his again, desire and passion burning through her; her skin blistered at every touch. His hands found her breasts and her nipples hardened to sharp points, a gasp escaping her mouth as she tugged him towards the bed. He pushed her down so she was sitting on the end of it and lowered himself in front of her, sucking and licking her skin as she trembled beneath him.

His mouth descended even lower, investigating her inner thigh. She arched her back, reaching out to touch any part of him as his finger crept between her folds and inside her.

"Castle," she moaned, not really knowing what she was trying to communicate. He ran his other hand up her leg by way of an answer, getting hold of her behind and scooping her further onto the bed. He kissed her centre and she almost screamed; she hardly remembered that there were two other people in the house, or that there was anyone or anything else in the world, for that matter.

His hands were moving up her body as he drank in her arousal, grasping at her breasts, her arms, her waist. He didn't even hold her down, allowing her to buck and flail around him as he brought her to a new level of passion. She wished she could see him, wished she could tell him that she wasn't just using him, that this meant so much more than that, but it wasn't necessary. He could tell by the response of her body that she had let everything go, and he knew now more certainly than every that he loved her with every fibre of his being.

Kate yelled out as she came; Richard, who was more aware of their position in the universe, hoped Alexis was busy doing something else, or downstairs, at least. Kate took almost no time to recover, grabbing Richard's hair to pull him up to kiss her; tasting herself on him and knowing what he had just done almost tipped her over the edge again. She reached down to run a hand along his length as he pushed her gently up the bed, kissing her so gently, so skilfully, so lovingly...

She spread her legs wide and guided him into her, shuddering with pleasure as he filled her and began to move. Smiling, she rolled them over so she was on top, but not in a commanding way. She kept her body low so he could touch her; he took a breast in his mouth as he used his hands to time the movement of her hips. His thumb found her centre but she guided it away.

"Your turn," she murmured. They rolled again; Richard kept the movement soft, but it was enough to surprise Kate. She lifted her head to kiss him again and he kissed her back, continuing to move as their lips and tongues and teeth found a rhythm with made them fit so perfectly together.

Kate had never been joined to anyone like this before. She had never let herself be, never given herself over so fully... not just her body, but her mind. She wasn't hiding anything from him. He knew who she was, and now she was letting him see her stripped of all pretence, all protection. She was letting him in, and he was rewarding her with something almost magical.

She could tell he was close; she looked into his eyes and tried to show him everything with hers. It was while seeing this that he found release, pouring into her as she fell apart to the sensation. He supported his weight on his forearms but she carefully helped him to relax them, enjoying his weight pressing down on her as her breathing finally began to slow and she stared up at the ceiling in wonder.

"I'm crushing you," he protested when he had come to his senses a little.

"I like it," she murmured. "It makes me feel safe."

This was enough for Richard to need to kiss her again. He wrapped her up in his arms and moved so they were on their sides facing each other.

"You... you know it was different, don't you?" Kate asked softly.

"Yes," Richard answered just as quietly. "I felt it even when we were talking, before... What changed your mind?"

Kate bit her lip. Richard reached to touch it with his finger and her mouth broke into a smile. "I suppose... Everything. You. Being with you, spending time with you, needing you, thinking about you all the time... You were in everything, everything I did, and I just... couldn't bear not being with you any more, and I realised that meant something. It wasn't fair to make you do what we did to begin with, but if I'm honest, I never really wanted that with you, either. I'm not... I know I have problems, and I'm not the most stable person. I don't know if you can rely on me, and I can't promise you that I'm not going to break down, or fail, but I think... I owe it to us both to try."

"And I think you are the bravest person I know," he whispered, taking her hand. "And I love you."

Kate frowned, knowing the answer, knowing what she should say, but just not... "I know," she said. Richard smiled at her.

"Don't look so worried. I know is enough for now. More than enough. _This _is so much better... I never knew it could be like that."

"Me neither," Kate said with a shy grin. "Perhaps we've set a record."

"We could ask Alexis," Richard joked. "I'm sure she'll have something to say about it."

Kate blushed bright red and Richard smiled at how young and full of life she looked. "Don't worry. She won't judge us. She'll be happy, I think."

After a moment Kate nodded. "I think so too. We should probably talk to her."

"We will," Richard said, his fingers tracing patterns on Kate's skin as she rolled onto her back. He found the biggest scar, shiny and prominent in her lower stomach. Kate saw the question flash across his face and she took his hand, pressing it to her skin.

"This is my reminder that every day is a gift," she told him, and saying it that way almost made her see it that way. The Dragon might have let her live, but she was the one living. She could do whatever she wanted with this life – the fact that he could have killed her didn't make her his.

And perhaps there was someone that she really wanted to belong to, now. Richard wriggled his hand away from hers and traced his finger around the healed skin, keeping it on the edge of the two textures.

"They were so neat," Kate murmured, shocked at herself. She had never spoken about this to anyone. "The man who put the sword in... he cleaned it first, so I wouldn't get an infection. And he found exactly the right place – he told me there would be no long term damage. They just wanted to hurt me, to punish me, and to stop me."

Richard stayed silent, listening, his stroking finger turning into her hand as he began to massage her body.

"I thought I would die. I thought they would rape me; they took some of my clothes but they barely touched me. I was locked up for days, I was convinced it was the end... Even when I woke up and knew I had lived, I was sure I must be dreaming. And when I realised I wasn't, I was sure that they would come for me. That's partly why I left... as soon as I was strong enough I got on a boat to take me far away from everything. Far away from my mother, looking down on me as I failed to bring her justice, far away from my drunken father who hated me because I looked like her, and far away from these incomprehensible people who love to cause suffering but who let me live."

His hands soothed her, helping her to talk. She knew he was listening; she liked that he didn't say anything. There was nothing to say. He was wonderful with words, but he knew when they were not needed. He put his hands under her side and turned her over, beginning to work on her back. She let out a light chuckle.

"How did you learn to make a woman feel so good?" she asked him. Richard contemplated saying 'practice'. He was sure Kate would laugh; she wouldn't be offended. But it wasn't true.

"My mother," he admitted. "She used to get very stressed. She had a maid who would give her massages, and there wasn't much else to do, so I learned how as well."

"You're so much kinder than you let people know," Kate told him, turning her head so she could see him.

"That depends on who I'm with."

"I don't think so," Kate said happily. "I think I'm going to fall asleep. Which is absurd. It's the middle of the day."

"You're allowed to sleep in the middle of the day," he said, finishing the massage and lying down beside her. He lay out his arm in an invitation, forcing her to decide. Normally she was not a fan of snuggling, and she thrashed around awfully in her sleep, but today she rolled into his embrace without a second thought, feeling his warmth seep into her, curling up in his arms, knowing he would keep her safe. She closed her eyes, feeling him relax with her as they both drifted off to sleep.

When they woke up, after a little more exploration of each other, it was close to dinner time. Richard helped Kate to get dressed; a lot of her wished they could just go back to bed. Even just to talk. She actually _wanted _to talk to him, to tell him things about herself she usually spent so much time deliberately keeping from people. He was in a very similar mood.

"Will you stay?" he asked, worried that he sounded rather desperate.

"Yes," she said. "But we have to talk about what we're going to do about Sally. And... I probably shouldn't... I wish it weren't like this but it's getting close to the time when it's not really safe for us to... go all the way." She blushed; Richard kissed her reassuringly, loving that he could do that.

"Don't worry. There are plenty of ways around that," he said with that adorable smile. Impulsively, she flung her arms around him, hugging him as if she was a little girl. He laughed, surprised, and hugged her back, feeling her emotion. His eyes prickled with tears; he was horribly embarrassed – until he realised Kate was sobbing into his neck.

"What?" he asked her, stroking the tears away from her face.

"I'm just... so happy," she cried.

"Me too," he told her, pulling her back towards him. Kate felt the relief wash through her and she nearly collapsed against Richard. They swayed together in the middle of the room.

It was on the tip of her tongue. She felt it. She should say it.

She remembered the promise she had made to herself. She thought about Sally, about her determination to save that girl no matter what. She didn't want to leave it too late, or even leave it to the last minute, to when she was in danger.

She wanted to tell him now.

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A/N: So... do you think she'll say it? _I_ love you all - and thank you for your love! Please review xxx


	29. Chapter 29

A/N: This one's for Serena. Again. Because she was getting withdrawal symptoms. She's probably asleep though. Oh well. Morning glory and all that XD. Love you babes. I love all the rest of you too. A lot. Just so you know. *kisses*

29

_It was on the tip of her tongue. She felt it. She should say it. _

_She remembered the promise she had made to herself. She thought about Sally, about her determination to save that girl no matter what. She didn't want to leave it too late, or even leave it to the last minute, to when she was in danger. _

_She wanted to tell him now._

She pulled out of his embrace and looked up at him, this man who had given up so much for her, the man she had given herself to...

"I love you," she said, loud and clear, reaching out to grip his hand in hers.

Richard smiled down at her. "I know," he said. Kate grinned.

"We should go and talk to Alexis," Kate said.

"And you need to tell me what happened with Charlie and the other children. What's going to happen to Sally?"

Kate bit her lip. "Charlie's fine, he and the kids are going to keep an eye on Sally for now, but... we have to do something more. The fact that they've told me to back off means there's something important about her. And something about that baby... We have to protect them, hide them from the Dragon so he won't get to them... but I feel as though I've been watched by the Dragon for my entire life. There's no getting away from him. So although hiding seems like the only option-"

"You want to use Sally as bait, find out what she knows, lure the Dragon into a trap and stop him once and for all."

Richard stated it like a fact. He wasn't even a little bit disapproving. Kate was almost angry.

"Castle, what if she were Alexis? How can I use her like that?"

"I don't mean her life isn't valuable, but... it's for the-"

"Don't you dare say it's for the greater good. Children are on the streets for the greater good. Men die in bloody battles while the people who started them watch from the safety of their homes, for the greater good. I... Doesn't using Sally make me just as bad as the people I'm fighting?"

"No. Because you're fighting for what's right. And we will do everything in our power to keep Sally safe."

"Wouldn't that be staying away from her?"

"Do you really think this Dragon is going to leave her alone if you do?"

Kate sighed. "No, but-"

"But nothing. We'll ask her. I bet you she'll want to help, just like you would or Alexis or I would."

"You think she would choose to risk her life?"

"She's a parent. I'm betting the Dragon wants something to do with that baby. And I know from experience, a parent would do anything to keep their child safe."

Kate nodded. She followed him downstairs, trying to convince herself that using Sally to help them end this once and for all wasn't crossing over to the dark side. She wasn't very successful. Alexis greeted them in the living room, a mildly embarrassed smile on her face.

"Good evening," she said. "It will be dinner time soon. I, ah," she tucked a lock of hair behind her ear, "I'm... I'm glad you two sorted everything out," she said finally.

Kate was already blushing beet red; Richard wasn't doing much better.

"So are we," Kate said, to break the silence.

"I heard," Alexis said, raising her eyebrows a little.

"Mother," Richard announced far too loudly when Martha entered the room a minute later. "How lovely to see you. Have you had a good day?"

Martha chuckled. "I suspect it was not quite as good as Kate's, dear. But I think so, yes."

Kate thought if any more blood rushed to her face it might explode. She'd never been quite so... vocal, before. She hadn't realised she'd been that loud. She had known she had... expressed herself, but she hadn't known she would make quite so much of an impression. Richard winked at her. She wanted to fall through the floor. Martha surprised her, coming over and patting her on the shoulder.

"You've nothing to be embarrassed about. He was just as bad. Honestly, I've never heard anything quite like it. I'm rather impressed."

This didn't help at all. Kate wanted to cover her face with her hands, she was utterly mortified.

"Calm down, dear," Martha tried again. "I think it's something to be proud of. We all understand. Perhaps Alexis shouldn't, but she does. And she and I are both very happy for the two of you. Now. Put on your brave face, get back to being the strong, proud woman we all know you to be, and stop worrying so much."

Richard chuckled; he couldn't help it. He loved his mother's speeches. Alexis went over to Kate as well.

"I don't mind," she said encouragingly.

"I do," Kate muttered, but she was cheering up.

"Even I caught that smile," Richard said after a moment. "Now. Let's go and have dinner and talk about something else."

"That sounds wonderful," Kate said. Martha caught Alexis' eye and they shared a smile. They all went through to eat.

It didn't help with Kate's embarrassment that every glance she got from Richard now made her want to... she didn't even want to put the thoughts into words. She had thought that finally being with him so completely would dissipate some of the tension between them, but if anything it had multiplied it. Now she knew what was possible, how much _more _was possible, she could barely keep her hands to herself.

She tried valiantly to keep up a sensible conversation with Alexis and Martha. They couldn't even talk about Sally. There wasn't anything they could do that evening. They couldn't really do anything until they had talked to Sally again, and they couldn't do that until she was better. Kate knew she would have to go about her normal life, looking very angry, for several days, so they didn't suspect anything. She had decided Richard had better go around with her, since he had been before. They must have noticed; they noticed everything. Which meant they weren't interested in him, which meant he should keep doing whatever he had been doing so as not to create any interest.

The rain was still falling when Kate decided it was time for her to go home.

"You should take the carriage," Richard said, "and I'm coming with you."

"If... that's alright, yes, that would be nice," Kate accepted. She wasn't going to change for him. But it was raining and she didn't want to get wet, and she did want his company. They set off. The carriage ride was horrific. They both wanted each other desperately; it was clear Richard felt exactly the same as Kate about the desire that bounced between them. But they couldn't. They were going out, they had work to do, an act to put on...

"Later," Kate muttered. "It's just a few hours." She was telling herself more than she was telling Richard. She couldn't believe that she could be so... Feeble. So enraptured, so overwhelmed, so hungry for this man who... she loved. She loved him. She really loved him. She had told him, he knew, he had said he loved her. She was _in love_. It was ludicrous. Yesterday she would have insisted it was impossible. And yet... here they were. Sitting opposite each other in a jolting carriage, their bodies yearning for the physical form of their love, their minds full of nothing but each other. Kate bit her lip and Richard shivered involuntarily. She quickly readjusted her mouth so as not to tease him further, but the damage was already done.

He shuffled in his seat, putting his hands on his knees and gripping them tightly. Kate clasped her hands in her lap and looked out of the window at the pouring rain, but quickly turned her eyes to the floor, since all the rain did was make her think of kissing him.

"This is hopeless," Richard said after cursing a few times under his breath. Kate was about to answer when the carriage stopped and they hurried into the side door of the shop and up the stairs to her apartment.

"I'll... go and get changed," she said, but regretted it instantly as Richard shuddered at the thought of her with no clothes on.

"Maybe we should..." he began taking a step towards her.

"Just quickly, to get it out of our systems," Kate whispered, arching her back as he leaned down over her.

"Just once each," he murmured. "And you're getting changed anyway so it barely even counts."

Kate managed to nod once before his mouth was on hers, moulding to her, shaping to fit her as they stumbled towards her bedroom. Richard kicked the door shut behind them and tore at her dress, trying to drag himself away from her for long enough to undo the fastenings but not managing.

"Just rip it," Kate managed to say when they broke apart for air. "I don't like it anyway."

Richard didn't need to be told twice. Kate worked just as efficiently on his clothes, and within moments they were divested of all barriers, pressed against each other as they almost fell onto the bed.

"I want you inside me," Kate groaned as Richard's finger found her centre. Richard frowned as he kissed her.

"I just don't know if I can... now. Later I will, I just-"

Kate put a finger to his lips. "I understand," she said, and smiled at him. He smiled back for a second, then went back to attacking her mouth with his. He moved down to her neck. His fingers rammed inside her; he knew the fulfilment she craved and he gave her as much as he could, frenzied and passionate right up until the moment she fell apart around him, screaming his name and gasping for hair.

She shook herself off and moved to him, finding him already shockingly close as she trailed kisses down his torso and onto _him. _She lowered her mouth over him, taking his full length inside her, sucking gently as he fisted the sheets of her bed. She moved up and down, keeping her eyes on him as she knelt between his legs, knowing he was watching her, knowing he loved watching her do this to him. It didn't take long for him to come, pouring into her mouth as she swallowed down everything he gave her. She released him with a pop and licked her lips, making him let out another little moan.

She planted a sloppy kiss on his mouth, still feeling rather undone herself. The temptation to crawl back into bed and lie with him for the rest of the night was incredibly high, but Kate forced herself to get up. She stood at the foot of the bed, watching Richard try to recover himself.

"So," she said, putting her hands on her hips. "Let's go catch some bad guys."

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A/N: Review! Now! Even you, m'lady. xxx


	30. Chapter 30

30

Richard knew he should be in a serious mood. The day had been hugely serious, they were probably in the middle of something huge and dangerous, something he barely even understood... and yet Kate was behaving in just the same way as he was. She held out her hand to pull him through the window after her but pulled a little too hard, so he stumbled and fell right into her kiss.

"Are you sure we have to go out?" he mumbled as he reluctantly allowed her to disentangle their bodies.

"Yes," she said playfully, taking hold of his hand and pulling him to run along the roof with her. He glanced at the night rushing by, trying to take it in, but he only had a moment before his gaze was pulled back to her, wavy hair rippling behind her in the cool breeze, beautiful body so agile and elegant in her tight fitting black clothes.

Kate looked back at him, openly ogling her with those shining blue eyes.

"Isn't this a bit boring now that you've seen into my soul?" she asked. He chuckled, she found the sound strangely arousing. She found everything he did strangely arousing. Or perhaps not strangely. Perhaps it was natural, perhaps this was being in love.

"This will never get boring," he said, looking her up and down as if to illustrate his point further. Kate did the same to him.

"Good," she said softly.

She looked down into the alleyway that they were now beside.

"Are we stopping here?" Richard asked. Kate shrugged.

"It's as good as anywhere. We might see something."

Richard was getting better and better at reading her every day. Now, he could see she was frustrated. She wanted to be doing something about Sally, she hated having to wait for Sally to get better, but she felt guilty for wanting to use the girl at all.

"It's not going to go away. We'll beat them, Kate. Just not today."

Kate balanced herself so she was sitting on the highest part of the roof. Richard sat down beside her as she stared intently into the alleyway.

"That's been my whole life," she said quietly. "I'll do it one day, just not today. I've been so resigned to it..."

Richard put his arm around her. "It's soon. We have a plan. Things are moving."

"I know," Kate murmured. "I just thought... when I finally did have a way... I want to run at them screaming, waving my sword, cutting them all down... Some kind of heroic battle where I can finally take my revenge. But I don't think it's going to be like that. And... there are things I care about more, now. I wish we could just leave. But I can't leave people like Sally with no one to fight for them. And if I run away, I'll never be truly safe."

"I'll keep you safe," Richard promised. "If you want to leave, I can take you somewhere safe."

Kate turned to look at him. "I want to leave. But I won't. I cannot spend my life simply taking what I want. I have to do it right."

Richard nodded. "And you will. You have a few days... Maybe... they can be our few days."

The way he said it, so hopeful, yet so undemanding. He didn't believe she would say yes. He wanted so little from her, but he deserved so much. She put her arm around his waist and looked deep into his eyes.

"Yes," she said. "They can be."

He leaned down to kiss her; she braced herself on the roof so they didn't tumble down the slope on either side of them. Every kiss he gave her was different, every kiss was the best, every kiss was a kiss she wanted to remember for the rest of her life. His mouth was so soft, moving in just the way to make her feel light-headed. Their bodies melted together effortlessly and...

"There's someone in the street," Kate muttered into Richard's mouth. They moved apart slowly, not wanting to attract attention, keeping completely silent. Kate looked down. It was such a cliché; a suspicious looking man following another man, this time, in the street. Kate slithered down the roof, surprised to find Richard completely able to keep pace with her. She dropped off the roof and down the two storeys to the ground, landing with cat-like grace. Richard managed not to make a sound, but he did stumble a little as his feet hit the cobbles. He dissolved into the shadows, following Kate as she darted after their target.

A swift punch to the back of the neck and it was all over. After the rich young man had thanked them profusely, they escorted their mugger back to the gaol.

"Now what?" Richard asked. Kate looked him up and down with an expression that set his heart thumping in his chest.

"Run," Kate said, a grin twitching at the corner of her mouth.

They were almost racing each other back to her apartment, taking back streets, getting up on the roofs and leaping between buildings.

They were kissing and undressing before they were even properly through the window. Kate felt every cell in her body tingle with delightful anticipation as Richard ripped her out of her clothes and she helped him out of his. His hands on her, even the thought of what they were going to do was enough to make her knees feel weak. And knowing she was doing just the same to him...

* * *

"I love being in love," Kate said quietly. Richard was tracing patterns on her skin again; she was thoroughly worn out.

"Me too," Richard said happily. He knew Kate was about to fall asleep. But God, that woman had stamina. He almost wanted to say something complimentary, but there was no need.

Kate was falling asleep in the arms of someone she loved. She felt so safe, so satisfied, so protected. The world might be cruel and dangerous, she might have bucketloads of unresolved sadness, but right here, right now, nothing mattered but Castle.

"What do you want to do tomorrow?" she asked him quietly, wanting to stay awake just a little longer to enjoy the warm feeling that surrounded them.

Richard shifted a little in the bed so he was lying flat on his back, making sure Kate was comfortable as she snuggled into his side.

"Where I am right now is pretty close to perfect," he said. Kate sighed.

"I know what you mean," she said quietly. "But we should do something..."

"We could go for a ride," Richard suggested.

"A ride?"

"Do you ride?"

"I... I used to. But I haven't for years."

"I'll get you used to it again. Would you like to?"

"Yes," Kate said. "But... not all day."

"Not all day," Richard said, kissing her, smelling her hair with its sweet cherry scent. "There are definitely some other things that we have to... fit in."

Kate had been so tired. About to fall asleep. But the tone he used, the slight lowering of pitch, the almost imperceptible rasp in his throat... She _still _wanted more? She laughed, just softly. Because it was funny. That she could need so much of him, so constantly. That exhausted, spent, collapsed in bed, hardly able to move, she wanted to stay awake just a little longer to have him again.

"What?" he asked, wondering why she had laughed.

"I... I didn't think it was possible. But I still want you."

Richard chuckled. "I'm glad. I'd be rather worried if I'd put you off."

Kate ran her fingers down his chest and over his stomach. "No, I mean... Now."

"Now?"

He couldn't help but be surprised. She was already the best, most energetic lover he had ever been with. But she had been so tired... He wasn't one to turn down a challenge, though. He blinked hard to wake himself up. It wasn't hard; just looking at her got him in the mood again.

"We don't have to," Kate said. "I can sleep first."

"Oh no. You are going to sleep satisfied, Lady Beckett. It's my responsibility that you do."

"But I was, I'm just-"

He cut her off, putting his mouth on hers, kissing her deeply, his hands holding her strongly as his knees nudged her legs apart and he settled between them, on top of her. She purred with pleasure as he rocked against her. She had never been with a man like this, so selfless yet so powerful, so good, yet prepared to give her some control.

* * *

"Good morning," she said, putting a steaming cup of coffee on the bedside table, sipping her own contentedly. Richard propped himself up on his elbows and allowed his eyes to wander over Kate's body, covered only with his shirt.

He picked up his coffee and raised his cup to her, nodding in thanks. His eyes twinkled when they caught hers.

"What is it?" she asked, seeing a cheeky smile creep to his lips.

"Well... there's a way even better than coffee for getting you wide awake and ready to start the day."

Kate set her mug down and took off the shirt so casually Richard almost spilled his own drink.

"Oh really?" she asked, pretending she didn't know what he was talking about, going to sit beside the bed.

"Really..." he said, putting down his mug and shuddering as her hand crept under the sheets.

"And... what would that be?" Kate asked, her eyes wide and innocent, so much so that he could hardly believe they belonged to the same person as the hands that were-

"It's... something we like doing," he managed to say.

Kate raised an eyebrow. "Why don't you tell me how you'd like me to wake you up? And then I'll do it."

Richard grinned at her. She grinned back, tilting her head to one side, moving lower down the bed and throwing the sheet out of the way. She looked up at him expectantly, biting her lip, relishing every second of what she was doing to him.

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PLEASE REVIEW!


	31. Chapter 31

A/N: This is to the 8 people who reviewed chapter 30. I know this sounds so demanding and desperate – I don't mean it like that, and I'm really sorry I've been updating so slowly. I've had a lot on, but I really am much more motivated when you respond to the story. Thank you very much for reading – will be bringing it to a close soon if there isn't too much objection!

31

Kate got up again and put on a robe, going out of the room. She went down to the kitchen to get a basin or warm water, and met Lanie there. Lanie chuckled when she saw Kate's ruffled hair and mildly dazed expression.

"Good morning?" she asked. Kate smiled.

"It was alright. How are you?"

"I'm fine, thank you for asking. And you? I feel as if I've hardly seen you for days."

"You haven't," Kate said, putting a pan of water on the already lit stove. "I've been..."

"Busy," Lanie supplied, sitting down at the large wooden table. Kate sat on it, looking at her friend.

"I... I think I'm in love," she said quietly. "I mean, I know I'm in love."

Lanie laughed. "So does everybody else. So you told him?"

"Yes," Kate said proudly.

"And I take it that is why he is currently in your bed?"

Kate grinned. "You could say that."

"What changed your mind?"

"I... I realised I care more about him than I do about anything else. And that... maybe it isn't wrong for me to have something I want."

Lanie laughed. "Maybe? You are the most selfless person I know, and I'm very glad you have taken what you deserve. And he loves you?"

"I always knew that he loved me."

"It's a good feeling, isn't it?" Lanie mused a little sadly. Kate reached out to pat her friend's shoulder.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be. I couldn't be happier for you, and seeing you happy is the closest I'm ever going to get, now."

"You might-"

"I won't. I'm the one and done type, as you know."

Kate frowned, but she understood. Now that she had Richard, she couldn't imagine being with anyone else, even if anything happened to him- But she wasn't going to think about that. She wouldn't worry or start to feel guilty. Not today.

"We're going to go riding," she told Lanie.

"Riding? When did you last do that?" Lanie asked, amused.

Kate made a face. "Not since I was a teenager. Never really needed to. I used to love it, but I always went with my mother..."

"So it's quite significant that you're going with Castle, then?"

Kate nodded. "I suppose so, yes. I hope I don't embarrass myself."

"I don't think there's much danger of that. Him embarrassing you, though..."

Kate laughed. Her water was boiling; she tipped it into a basin and set it to cool a little.

"Doesn't he need some?" Lanie asked. Kate thought of something; she found a razor for Richard to shave with. Then she winked.

"No. He can just use mine when I'm finished."

Lanie laughed. "Have a good day," she told her friend, handing her a cloth to carry the basin with.

"You too. I'll see you later – you could have dinner with us."

"You won't be eating here," Lanie reminded her.

"I could be. Or you could come to the Castles'."

"I think I'll wait until I'm invited by someone actually from the family. But that's kind. I'll see you when you get back, anyway."

"I'll talk to you. I promise. Before we go to bed. I have more to tell you about but he's awake and waiting, probably."

Lanie smiled. "You go and be with your lover. I'm fine. I look forward to our conversation this evening."

"Me too," Kate said, smiling back. She picked up the basin and carried it upstairs; Richard jumped up and opened the bedroom door for her when he heard her approaching. She set it on the chest and picked up a cloth, sliding out of her robe and beginning to wash herself. Richard closed the door.

"May I..?" he asked a little cautiously, reaching out to take the cloth from her. Kate handed it to him, grinning.

"You may. But I do actually need to get clean."

"You will," he promised, running the warm, wet cloth along her arm. He picked up her soap from a little dish and worked some into his hands; Kate sighed as he carefully cleaned her body. It didn't matter that he wasn't trying particularly hard to excite her; the touch of his hands on her skin was enough to double her heart rate almost immediately.

By the time he had finished washing her she was so far gone she had to attack herself with the towel just for a distraction, and so she didn't jump on him right there. He moved on to himself, smiling at the razor blade.

"Is this a hint?" he asked as she aggressively dried her hair. She ran a hand along her slightly red jawline and gave him a look. He chuckled, then began to shave, watching her reflection in the mirror as she dressed behind him.

Kate pulled on her tight jodhpurs, tucking her shirt into them and putting on a jacket. She bent down to fasten her leather riding boots, still with Richard's gaze fixed on her.

"Careful, you'll cut yourself," she teased, using the little hook to fasten the dozens of tiny buttons on her boots. She arranged her hair in a tight braid; he rinsed the razor in the water and put it down, then ran his hand through his own hair.

"Are you bringing this?" he asked, picking up a riding crop he had spied leaning in the corner of her wardrobe. Kate grinned, taking it from him and tucking it into her belt.

"Do you think I need anything else?" she asked, raising her eyebrows seductively. He kissed her on the cheek instead of answering, and quickly pulled on his own clothes. Kate watched with her arms folded; he struggled with the buttons on his pants.

"It does add a certain pressure, doesn't it?" Kate commented, still watching him.

"Okay, I get it, I'm sorry-" he began.

"Don't be. I like a little pressure. Don't you?"

Richard finally succeeded with the button.

"If you were applying it, I think I could learn to like anything."

Kate took a step towards him and reached around to tuck his shirt in at the back.

"I'm glad to hear it," she said. Richard ran a hand lazily over her back.

"We have to go," he said suddenly, moving away a little. Kate grinned.

"We do."

The carriage ride to the edge of the city didn't take long, even with a stop to check in with Charlie. His report was good; he said Sally was getting better, though she was still very sick, and none of the children had seen anyone threatening or come to any harm. Kate still tensed up when she saw him. Richard dropped a cushion on the floor of the carriage in front of him and motioned for her to sit on it.

"What?" she asked, but she did as he indicated. He put his hands on her shoulders.

"We're going to win," he said, squeezing them to loosen the muscles. "We're going to beat them, Sally will be fine, and you will be free of it once and for all."

Kate tried to believe him. She almost could.

"And today," he continued, "we are simply going to have fun."

Kate chuckled. "Fun? I don't know if I remember how to simply have fun."

Richard laughed. "I'm sure you do. We're nearly there. Are you nervous?"

"A little. I haven't ridden in a very long time."

"I don't think it's a knack you lose. And as I said, you can ride with me if you're not confident enough to ride alone."

"A very generous offer."

The carriage slowed to a stop and Kate looked outside at the stables of a beautiful country house.

"A friend's," Richard explained. "I keep my horses here when I'm in town."

"It's good to have friends," Kate said, looking around. She went into the stable and her attention was immediately caught by a beautiful mare with a shining brown coat. She stroked the animal's neck.

"What's her name?" she asked Richard, who was greeting a huge black stallion. Predictable.

"Whisper. Lex named her, she was born when Lex was little, and Lex was there. Everyone kept telling Lex to be quiet, she was asking questions but we were all far too busy... So when I asked her what to call the foal, she came up with that."

Kate smiled. "I like it. Hello, Whisper. Is she Alexis' horse?"

"No. That redhead there is Lex's. Ginger. Genius with names, my little girl."

"And yours?"

Richard winked at her. "This is Royal."

Kate kissed Whisper on the nose and went in to get her saddled up. She sneaked a glance over to Richard and Royal; she was impressed by both his love for the animal and his efficiency. He talked to his horse, just as she wanted to talk to Whisper. She was a little embarrassed when she began to speak; she knew Richard was looking over into Whisper's stall, watching and listening to her.

"I hope you'll be gentle with me," Kate said. "I haven't ridden in a while. But you're so friendly, I don't think we'll have any trouble. I'm going to put your saddle on now. It looks beautiful. I imagine everything of yours is beautiful. Do you eat out of a golden bucket? You must eat special food, your coat shines so well... I had a horse once. His name was Benny; I rode him almost every day when I was a teenager. You'd have liked Benny..."

She continued to talk until she was leading Whisper out of the stall by the reigns. Richard joined her with Royal.

"I loved riding as a child too," he told her. "It was the fastest way to get away. And I could be alone without being alone, if you see what I mean."

"I do, completely," Kate said. She put a foot in her stirrup and mounted, swinging herself up and landing neatly in the saddle.

"And you said you were out of practice," Richard joked. He landed in his saddle a little more firmly, but just as neatly, and began to walk Royal out of the stable area and towards the back gate of the house. Whisper seemed very ready to go; she walked quickly, showing Kate what she wanted. Kate patted her and muttered something soothing.

They finally reached the field.

"Can we move it along now?" Kate asked, finding that she was itching to move as much as her horse. Richard winked at her.

"Race you," he said, digging in his heels to get Royal to accelerate. Kate laughed wildly as Whisper chased after Royal. Rick kept pace with her; he had excellent control. They were approaching a fence.

"You think you can jump?" Richard asked.

"I think I can fly," Kate called out. Whisper was happy to charge even faster, and leapt gracefully over the fence. Her hair whipping out behind her, the wind in her eyes, Kate felt so alive, so free... She slowed Whisper carefully and leaned down to murmur in her ear,

"I think you're secretly a unicorn."

Whisper whinnied softly and Kate laughed.

"What's funny?" Richard asked. "What did you say to her?"

"I said she's a unicorn."

"You did? I didn't have you down as the type who believes in unicorns."

"I don't," Kate said. "But today... Maybe today I do."

Richard's eyes glowed at her. She was so caught up in them she didn't even register the shot until a moment after it was fired.

* * *

A/N: No one is dead. I count horses as people so the horses are safe too!


	32. Chapter 32

32

A/N: I would love not to have a life outside of my online friends and writing for you guys. Sadly, this is not the case. Massive apologies for the slowness of the update – exams and moving etc interfered.

* * *

"Get down!" Kate yelled. She was lucky Richard had been paying more attention – she shouted a good few seconds after the bullet would have gone through his shoulder if he hadn't ducked. It had come from behind them so they had no choice but to ride in the opposite direction, further out into the countryside and away from the safety of civilisation.

"Kate?" Richard shouted as she began to ride towards a forest. "I don't know what you know about gothic novels, but in my experience, riding into a dark, scary looking forest when people are chasing you _never _turns out well."

Kate didn't change direction. "This isn't one of your books, Castle. We'll be able to lose them in there."

They hadn't actually seen their pursuer. Richard's horses were fast; there was a good chance they'd lost the shooter already, but Kate could feel a fear building in the pit of her stomach nonetheless, a fear she hadn't felt for almost ten years.

They reached the treeline and slowed the horses; Kate dismounted and carefully made her way to where she could see a fair distance off.

"I think we've lost them," she said quietly. "But we shouldn't return for a while."

Richard, who had dismounted too, let Whisper and Royal go so they could find some water. He put his arm around Kate; he could tell she was afraid.

"It doesn't necessarily mean the worst," he said, trying to comfort her. Kate knew he was right.

"I think they just wanted to scare me. The shooter, if he's from them, would be much better trained. He would have hit us. And they wouldn't have lost us nearly so easily."

"Well, that's good. It means we're safe."

"They just don't want me to get away from it." Kate sighed. The day was warm; she took off her jacket and absent mindedly rubbed her hand under her shirt, over the scar on her stomach. "They're never going to let me forget."

Richard took the jacket from her and set it on a rock, then pulled her into his arms.

"We are going to stop them," he promised.

Kate forced herself not to lean on him, to show him she was strong.

"I know," she said firmly. Richard moved back to put his hands on her shoulders, bending down slightly to level his eyes with hers.

"I know you know," he told her. "But you don't have to be so strong all the time, not when you're with me, not if you don't want to be."

"I have to protect myself," Kate said shortly. Richard looked at her face, the afternoon sun making glowing patterns on her perfect skin.

"Not now. I'll protect you," he said softly, reaching round to undo her hair until it tumbled down in loose curls. The gentle teasing of his fingers made Kate feel instantly warmer; he could change her mood in a moment.

"But..." she protested half heartedly. "We were almost shot..."

"You said it was just to scare you. And even if they are after us, we're hiding. If they find us... wouldn't you like this to be the last thing we do together, rather than running scared?"

If his words didn't convince her, his hands certainly did. Her shirt was off in a moment and she felt the sun on her body, caressing her skin as he attempted to remove her boots.

"This is absurd," he muttered after a minute, having no success at all with the tiny hooks.

"You need the... thing," Kate said, annoyed at being brought back from where she had been drifting. She forced herself further into reality and bent down; she untucked her pants from the boots and took them off.

"That do?" she asked. Richard shuddered. She took that as a yes.

After a look at the ground, covered in pine needles, Richard decided he might keep his boots on as well. Kate laughed.

"But you were going to take mine off? That's not very considerate."

Richard dropped his jacket, pants, and shirt, on the rock where Kate's clothes were.

"Your feet won't be on the ground," he muttered, bending down to kiss her roughly, fisting handfuls of her hair, then moving his hands down to explore her flesh.

"Forgotten yet?" he muttered.

"Forgotten what?" she asked honestly, digging her fingernails into his shoulder blades as she stood on tiptoe, reaching up to have more power over the kiss. They battled for control, Kate desperate for escape, Richard determined to give it to her. They stumbled towards a tree with a wide, relatively smooth trunk. Richard slammed Kate into it; she grunted as the air was knocked out of her and she had to remember to breathe. Richard gave her another reason to gasp, pinning her against the tree, his hands massaging her breasts as his lips moved their assault down to her neck.

He sank his teeth into her then soothed the skin with his soft tongue a moment later. Kate moaned with pleasure, her hands finding any part of him they could reach, though his angle meant she couldn't get to what she initially grabbed for.

"Time for that later," he murmured into her skin, before nipping her delectable collarbone. His right hand was creeping lower and lower but he brushed her only once before he grasped her hips firmly and hoisted her up. She wrapped her legs around him; he felt her boots dig into his behind and pushed forward involuntarily, scraping her up against the tree a little as he positioned her so his hungry mouth could reach her breasts.

Kate clung to his neck, gripping him with her thighs as he sucked on her left nipple. The pressure of his body on hers, the sunlight, the bark of the tree, brought on several sensations which increased the pitch and volume of her moaning. The nerves his tongue was dancing with seemed to have a direct line to an area much lower down; he moved to the other breast and Kate slid her hand down between them, brushing against her own centre before finally touching him. Her other hand stroked his chest; her right found him already hard, and she tried to guide him into her but his hips forced her too tightly against the tree.

He realised what she was doing and lifted her quickly, stepping back to help her onto him before almost falling into the tree again, thrusting into her hard. All the concentration Kate had left was on keeping her legs wrapped tightly around him, keeping their bodies as close as she could. She didn't even feel her back scraping against the bark; her hand was still between them and in a few more seconds she was shattering around him, screaming out his name into the forest, the golden glow of the sunlight burning behind her eyes.

Richard followed her moment later, pouring into her, his mouth finding her neck again as waves of pleasure flowed through him. He just prevented his knees from giving out, leaning against her and the tree as he tried to calm his breathing. Kate murmured in protest when he moved away a minute later to lift her off him; he handed her her jacket. She shivered. She hadn't realised she was cold until now. She grinned at Richard, but realised he looked worried.

"I thought the point of that was to stop the-" she began, but she realised what he was thinking about.

"Castle, if you had even attempted to move out of me I might have ripped your head off. I needed that."

"But what if..?"

Kate sighed. "Well it's always possible. At any time. But if we did just... make a baby... there's no one I would rather have a child with." She flashed him a smile, pinching her tongue between her teeth the way she did when she was honestly happy. Richard had to smile back.

"You're so adorable when you do that."

Kate picked up her whip. "Call me adorable again and I'll _prove _you wrong."

Richard chuckled. "I feel the same way, by the way... if I'm having another child, there's no one better than you to be its mother."

They got dressed, looking around in the fading light.

"You were right," Richard said. "They didn't follow us."

Kate laughed. "And if they had been looking, I don't think we would have been hard to find."

"No... Well, we should be getting back. It's late."

The horses weren't far away; they had found a stream to rest by and were happy to be on the move again. Kate and Richard both found themselves a little sensitive, getting back in the saddle so soon. They exchanged several sideways glances on the way back, and kept their talking to a minimum, both content to keep their minds relaxed for a while longer.

They talked one back in the carriage though. They began to talk a little more about babies. They had to. Richard wasn't the sort to ignore that kind of thing, and although Kate was more the type to cross bridges when and if she came to them, she knew they had to have the conversation. It was actually not anything like as uncomfortable as she'd thought. Though Richard did say he would marry her, he wasn't gallant about it, just friendly, putting it out there but not forcing anything on her, or making her feel like he thought he was doing her a huge favour.

And then they talked about Sally.

"We were shot at today," Kate muttered, feeling the fear press down on her again, her high from their earlier activities having almost completely dissipated.

"You know they wanted to scare you," Richard said gently. "And yes, we were scared, but that doesn't mean they've won. In fact, I think it means the opposite. They feel the need to prove to you that they're in control – which means they aren't confident. If they were, they wouldn't feel as if they had to scare you more."

Kate smiled at him, his face so earnest and sincere.

"You really mean it. You always find a story to make me feel better."

"It's not a story," he insisted. Kate reached out and took his hand.

"My whole life feels like a fairytale," she said. "But I know. It's not. We'll win."

Richard squeezed the hand she had given him.

"We will."

* * *

A/N: I think you can tell this is an apology chapter... Thank you so much for your continued interest, please review! xo


	33. Chapter 33

Chapter 33

A/N: Thanks so much for all your comments etc. For the first time I wrote some of this chapter on my phone - so please forgive me if there are any autocorrect problems! Enjoy!

* * *

They didn't even discuss whether or not Kate was staying with Richard. She got out of the carriage at his house and they went inside. Richard called Alexis and his mother; the tone of his voice made them appear instantly.

"What's the matter, Daddy?" Alexis asked, searching her father's worried expression.

"I'm hoping it's nothing to worry about..." he began, but he found it difficult to continue. Kate took his hand and squeezed it encouragingly.

"It shouldn't be - but we can't ignore the possibility. We were shot at today. We're fine," she added hurriedly as Alexis' jaw dropped in horror. "But we thought you should know - and it would probably be best if you, both of you, stayed in the house as much as possible. It won't be for long, but-"

"Understood," Martha said, nodding slowly as her shrewd mind picked up a lot more than what was being said. "And I suppose you two will be off saving us all?"

"Something like that," Kate replied with a dry smile. "Alexis, I know we said we would involve you but I think it might be best if-"

"I stay at home. Don't worry, Kate," the girl said quietly. "I don't want you to go, but I know you'll look after each other, and I don't want to be a liability. Things sound difficult enough as it is."

Richard let go Kate's hand and shout his arm around his daughter.

"Thanks, sweetie," he said, kissing the top of her head.

"Just... Don't get hurt, okay?"

"We'll do our best," Richard promised.

"I know," Alexis said, but she couldn't hide all the fear from her voice. She was strong, she liked to be, and though she knew her father would always be there to comfort her, she wanted not to need him to. She couldn't stop him from going off on adventures, just as he couldn't really stop her any more. They brought each other up, and she knew he needed distance too. She didn't want to tie him down... And she didn't resent Kate. Not at all. She loved Kate... almost like the mother she'd never had. She knew just from the way that Kate looked at her father that the woman would do anything to protect him, to bring him back to her, safe.

She hoped Kate would stay in their lives forever. She tried to tell herself that this was possible... but there was something inherently wild about Kate which Alexis wasn't sure would ever be truly gone. Richard was exciting, but was he enough for her?

Kate had been running scared for her whole life. The only solution to their problems now was to destroy the reason for that fear. But would Kate really know what to do then?

Alexis held on tight to Richard as she thought, peeking out at Kate and wondering what would happen. She had complete faith in Kate and Richard's skills in terms of fighting. She was far more afraid that Kate would leave them after the fight was over.

Kate was totally oblivious to this fear. She might not have been normally, but she had reason to be preoccupied. Not least because she might well be... But that was a thought for afterwards.

Alexis and Martha disappeared into another living room after not very much conversation. Martha had no wish to hear about their escapades of the day, and didn't want Alexis hearing about them either. She said she would continue teaching Alexis how to embroider cushions. Alexis looked as if she would rather poke the needles into her own eyeballs, but she reluctantly followed her grandmother into a small sitting room.

"Are you hungry?" Richard asked Kate when the redheads were gone.

Kate smiled at him. "Yes... We haven't really eaten today."

"No... Our picnic got rather forgotten. Come on, we'll go down to the kitchen and scavenge something."

Kate took his hand and they went downstairs. To her surprise, he began collecting an assortment of complicated ingredients, including interesting spices, some which she didn't even recognise.

"You can cook?" she asked, trying not to sound overly incredulous.

"I am a man of _many _unusual talents," Richard told her with a wink, measuring flour into a bowl and breaking a couple of eggs in on top of it. "We're lucky they left the stove on."

"Very," Kate said, admiring the beautiful cooker with its coal box and numerous ovens.

"You know how to heat up a griddle?"

Kate smiled and unhooked the correct pan from the hooks on the wall. "I put it on here," she said, placing the pan on the hot plate.

"Very good. Do you cook too?"

"Not really. I never seem to have time. Lanie is an excellent cook."

"I'd like to get to know this Lanie better."

"I'd like for you to. She's fantastic."

"Ask her here for dinner. When all this is over."

Kate looked in drawers for a spatula. "All this," she said dreamily. "What a friendly way to put it."

"I'm a friendly person. And-"

He was interrupted by a tap on the back door.

"Were you expecting someone?" Kate whispered. Richard shook his head. Armed with the spatula, she motioned for Richard to open the door while she waited to pounce on the visitor.

He yanked it open-

"M'lady?!"

Kate sighed with relief. "Charlie! What are you doing here?"

Richard closed the door, took the spatula, and went back to cooking, chuckling at their overreaction.

"Sorry to bovver ya, but Sally wants to talk."

"Sally... she's doing better?"

"Much. Doc gave 'er somefin, don't know wot but perked 'er up right nice. An' now she wants to see ya."

"Now?"

"Soon as possible. She were flustered, like."

Kate thought about it. And about the rumbling in her stomach.

"Right. You run back there now, tell her we'll be there as soon as we can."

"Don't bring 'im, m'lady. Don't mean to offend, Sir, just ya don't want to draw attention, an' I don't fink Sally minds if it's just the lady."

Richard nodded in understanding, and caught Kate's eye, telling her with a look that he didn't mind, and agreed that she should go alone.

"You should go now," he told her, throwing her an apple. "I'll keep some of this warm for when you come back."

Charlie looked at him expectantly until an apple was in his hands as well. Kate sighed as she bit into the fruit. This was not the evening she'd had in mind. And her back was hurting. She cracked it on the way through the door; Richard noticed and felt a little guilty. But he had an idea for how he could make it up to her.

Kate ran with Charlie through the streets. He was a good running partner – less chatty than Richard. Fast, too. She smiled to herself. He would have to be, the amount of stealing he did. Only from bad people, of course.

They reached the inn within an hour and hurried in through the back entrance. Charlie kept watch, making sure no one saw Kate go into Sally's room. The child who had been covering for him accepted the large coin he handed over and disappeared, knowing it was very much in her interest to keep completely silent.

"You wanted to see me?" Kate asked, never one to beat about the bush.

Sally was sitting up in bed, looking weak, but vastly better than when Kate had last seen her. She was completely alert, her eyes were bright and intelligent.

"You need me," she said, her voice rasping a little in her throat. Kate went to stand closer to her so she didn't strain herself.

"In what way?" Kate asked, wanting to see how much Sally had worked out on her own.

"You need me to help you take down the dragon. You want him too. But not as badly as I do."

Kate raised her eyebrows but didn't comment. Sally pointed to her stomach. Kate was rapidly realising that this girl was a real beauty – her state of health had hidden it but her hair, now clean, was think and shiny, and her eyes had a bright twinkle which men would find very attractive.

"This baby belongs to a very rich man, a close friend of the dragon. His name is Sir William Bracken. If you want a way to the top, Bracken is it. And I have the bargaining chip."

"He wants the baby?"

"He said when he let me go that if I wasn't at the place where he told me when I gave birth, he would find me, kill me, and take his son."

"Why... doesn't he have a wife?"

"She can't bear children. But he wants to pretend – he needs an heir. So the dragon provided me. They couldn't keep me because of the secret."

"So you've met the dragon?"

"No. Only his men..."

"You're not..." Kate tried to find a polite way to phrase it, but Sally smiled.

"I'm from a middle class family. They took me... My parents have been told I am dead. I believe there has even been a funeral."

"You don't sound too upset."

"I left voluntarily," Sally said, now sounding a little ashamed. "I was tricked, but I shouldn't have fallen for it. There was a young man, and a promise of an interesting life... I left and was trapped immediately."

"That's why you were starving," Kate said, more to herself than to Sally. Sally smiled.

"Thank you. For saving me."

Kate was almost angry when she replied. "Don't thank me. I'm going to use you."

"I think I'm going to be using you. While the child is in me, they won't kill me. You have no such protection."

"You seem to have an idea already."

"Bracken told me if I needed anything, if it was a matter of life and death, of the child, that is, I should come to his house, at night. I think you, and whatever men you have, should come too. Do you have many?"

Kate sighed. "I have one. Two if you count Charlie. And Roy, I suppose... So there would be four of us."

"When I was there... All I could think of was how to kill him. Even as he was... He has at least twenty trained guards, plus a personal guard he keeps with him all the time."

"So we need a diversion."

"We'll do it," Charlie piped up from his spot looking out through the keyhole. Kate turned to him.

"I won't have you, or any of the children, risking yourselves like that."

"You won't be havin' nothin. I fink I fancy a trip down to this Bracken's 'ouse. 'E sounds like a rich bastard. We'll clean 'im out."

Kate had to laugh at Charlie's determination, but she told him no, again. He simply told her she couldn't stop him.

"I'm a free man, m'lady," he said with a grin. Sally chuckled.

"You must be something, Lady Beckett."

"Kate. You can call me Kate."

"He doesn't."

"He doesn't do anything I tell him."

"You inspire great loyalty. If anyone can help me, it's you."

"That's kind of you to say, Sally, but you should know – when I kill this dragon, I will kill him for me. For you too... but for me, first."

"I would expect nothing less. One request?"

"What?"

"Let me have Bracken?"

Kate gritted her teeth, thinking of how this rich, powerful man, who she had actually met, had raped this girl, this _child_.

"With pleasure," she said firmly. Sally smiled dryly.

"I wonder what he did to you."

"Perhaps I'll tell you, one day."

"Tomorrow night," Sally said.

"Tomorrow?"

"No point wasting time. The sicker I look, the better."

Kate was eager to get it done herself. She nodded and made to leave.

"I'll be here at dusk."

"I'll be ready."

Kate left, running home, after a small conference with Charlie. She wasn't sure she trusted Sally. She had been caught out once too many by the dragon... Sally could be his. She would proceed with caution. But she was determined that she would proceed. One way or another, it would be in motion by this time tomorrow. And she didn't think Bracken would hold out long against her before giving up his boss.

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Review please!


	34. Chapter 34

Chapter 34

A/N: I am SO SORRY it has taken me so long to write this chapter – I really hope you're not disappointed.

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Kate insisted to Charlie that he go home, wherever than might be, and ran back to Richard's house. He was waiting for her in the kitchen; when she appeared he took a plate of pancakes out of the warming oven. She began to explain what had happened but he popped some food into her mouth and she completely lost her train of thought. She was so hungry. She moaned quietly; the pancakes were delicious. Richard chuckled. They still hadn't said anything.

When she had finished everything on the plate, Richard took it away to wash and Kate found a cloth to dry it with. She sat up on the counter and sighed.

"Sometimes I wish I could live like this with someone... No servants, no huge house, just the basics, him and me..."

Richard put his hand on her knee. "Who says that you can't?"

Kate put her head to one side. "I think you like the material things."

Richard put the plate down in the sink and dried his hands on the cloth that was still Kate's. "I like you more," he muttered, leaning into her. Kate wished she could dissolve into his kiss, but they had to talk first... She pushed him away gently; he stood a few inches away from her.

Kate relayed everything that had happened with Sally; Richard listened intently.

"...and I just... I don't trust her," Kate finished, not knowing whether she hoped Richard shared her suspicions or not. He nodded.

"I know what you mean. We still have to do it, though."

"Yes. We have to. It has to be over," Kate said firmly. "I've had enough of living in his shadow, being watched, living in fear..."

"You have to talk to Captain Montgomery?"

Kate thought it was adorable, how Richard used Roy's old military title. She nodded.

"Now, I think."

Richard sighed. "I'm coming, though. I'm not missing possibly my last night with you."

Kate put her hands on his shoulders. "This is not going to be our last night together."

Richard chuckled. "It had better not be. I assume you want to run?"

Kate smiled. "I hope you can keep up."

They reached the book shop a little after they heard the clock strike one. For once Kate didn't find the clock comforting... She felt as if it was counting down the hours they had until... Until something terrible. She was not the sort to be afraid. But now her gut was clenching, tugging at her old wound, and she was dreading what she would be doing in under 24 hours from now.

Roy listened to the whole story and at once agreed to accompany them the next night. Kate wished she could tell him not to come, wished she could protect him – he had fought enough... But she needed him. She hated using people, the phrase 'for the greater good' make her want to be sick, but... It had to be done. Roy, Sally, Charlie and his friends... They all wanted to help. But there was no way she could guarantee their safety, and she felt almost like the people she was fighting.

She went upstairs to talk to Lanie; Richard came with her. Lanie said she would help, too.

"You know that I can fight," she said to Kate. "It would be crazy not to take me. You need all the help you can get."

Again, Kate had to agree. Richard saw the turmoil she was in, but there wasn't much he could say to comfort her. He didn't like what they were having to do, either – but he was far more keen for help than she was. Though the other people mattered to him, he was in this for Kate, and only for Kate. It was selfish, it wasn't good – but it was how he felt. He needed Kate to get through this, he needed Bracken gone, even if this meant risking the lives of other good people.

It was love. Poets often liked to pretend that love was all roses, it softened the heart, it was good and gentle and kind. But they were talking about something which only existed in fairy tales. Richard was in love, truly in love, and he would do anything, anything for Kate, He would kill for her, he would send innocents to their deaths for her, he would lie for her, he would torture for her, he would maim and punish and...

Kate was looking at him with a strange expression. He forced himself back to the present moment.

"Your eyes..." she said slowly.

"What?" he asked softly.

"Your eyes were like fire, like..." And then her mouth was on his in a frenzy that he had never felt from her. Lanie had gone, they were alone in her bedroom. When she had finally kissed him enough to satisfy her for a moment, Kate pushed Richard back on her bad and straddled him.

"What were you thinking about?" she said. Richard was trying to work out where her clothes had disappeared to... His hands gripped her waist.

"I was thinking that I would kill for you, and that... That I would like it."

Kate ripped open his shirt and ran her fingers down his bare chest.

"Don't say that," she whispered.

"It's true," he said softly, afraid himself.

"I would kill for you too," Kate murmured. "But I hate myself for it."

Richard rolled them over and looked down at Kate. "Don't," he said simply. She shuddered as his hands found their way to her breasts, then were replaced with his mouth. And while what he had said, and her similar feelings, still bothered her, with his mouth doing what it was doing, she found it all too easy to comply with his edict. She undid the top of his pants and sighed as she felt his erection, guiding him inside her and feeling... complete.

He gave her a moment to adjust before starting to gently move his hips; she felt a twinge of pain in her back but ignored it, her fingers tracing patterns on Richard's shoulder blades as they rose higher and higher together. Kate moaned as Richard sucked on her neck; she had been far readier than she realised. She shattered around him, crying out, her brain still feeling like treacle. To her annoyance, Richard pulled out before he came. The change brought Kate to her senses enough for her to move down and put her mouth over Richard's arousal. He tasted so strongly of her it was almost strange, bit his hands wound themselves in her hair and she steadied his hips as he poured into her mouth.

She swallowed, and slid slowly off him with a pop. He lay back on the bed, pulling her down to lie on top of him. She kissed his lips, letting him taste them. His hand stroked down her back and she winced with pain again. He opened his eyes.

"What..? You alright?"

Kate blinked. "Fine," she said, settling against Richard. She couldn't feel anything now. But he wouldn't let up. He shifted, moving to look at her back.

"Jesus, Kate!"

Her head flopped down onto the bed as he moved from underneath her.

"What?" she mumbled. "Come back, want to sleep..."

But he had gone. She vaguely heard his footsteps, he was gone for so long she was almost asleep when he got back. She was too pleasured and tired to wonder what he was doing. When she heard him back in the room, she slowly turned her head to face him. He just had his pants on.

"Come back to bed? Please?"

He put something on the bedside table and sat on the bed beside her.

"I hurt you," he said. To her horror, he looked close to tears.

"What? No you didn't..." she said confused.

"I did," he said in a strangled tone. "Earlier, in the forest..."

Kate hummed with pleasure at the memory. Richard was pulling her to her feet, though. She sighed in complaint, but he led her over to the glass and forced her to look at her back.

It was covered with scratches and friction burns. She was confused. And so sleepy.

"It's fine," she said, stumbling back to the bed. "Sleep."

"We have to clean it," Richard said. He sounded so worried.

"Fine," Kate said, flopping back down on her front. "Clean. Then _bed_."

She heard the sound of a cloth being wrung out in water.

"This will sting," Richard said.

"Just get on with it," Kate mumbled. She had been feeling so good, she was annoyed with him for ruining it.

To her embarrassment and frustration, she couldn't hold in a squeak of pain when the water touched her cuts. Richard felt the pain as much as she did, maybe even more... She could feel how tense he was even though he barely touched her. She was was wide awake when he had finished, and sat up, knowing full well her breasts were practically in his face. He sighed.

"I thought you were tired."

"Changed my mind," she said, taking his head in his hands and pulling him into a kiss.

"It's late..."

"We don't have anything on until dusk," Kate said. She could feel her worry creeping back, she just needed Richard to get rid of it for her, and she needed him to hurry up and work that out for himself, because she could not be weak in front of him, not now, especially when he thought he'd hurt her too. He was kissing back, at least. Deciding showing was okay, she tipped herself back so his mouth slipped lower. He got off the bed to kneel in front of her. She had a feeling he saw this as an apology, but she was past caring.

When he finally got back into bed, it was already light outside. Kate wished she would hurry up and fall asleep before she could think too much about what they were going to do later. She was on her front again; she knew Richard was looking at her back with a pained expression. She gave him a shove.

"What?"

"Stop it. I'm fine, it was amazing. Probably one of our best. _Definitely _worth a few scratches. You being a baby about it is far worse."

Richard chuckled. "After today... you really think you can call me a baby?"

"You're being a baby now," she mumbled, snuggling into him. He was finally relaxing; she sighed, relieved, and began to drift off to sleep.

Richard listened to her breathing slow. He wished he could stop her, he wished she didn't have to fight anyone, he wanted to wrap her up safe and warm and never let her out anywhere dangerous... As the day passed on and the night loomed closer, he found himself unable to sleep. He simply watched her, taking everything about her in. Whatever happened, he would not let anyone touch her.

They would have to kill him first.

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A/N: It's sort of a filler - maybe call it our make up sex? Review! If I get lots I will update FAST! xx


	35. Chapter 35

A/N: Sorry it took me so long to update. This is a huge chapter - I heard from someone that chapters over 4000 words don't work on mobile? This one is a few hundred words over - if it doesn't work, let me know and I'll cut it into two. Thanks for reading, love you, please review. And I apologise in advance for not being very good or experienced at writing fight scenes...

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35

Kate pulled her belt tight, a grim look on her face. Richard dressed beside her with an equally sombre demeanour.

"Thank you," Kate said a little absently.

"What?" Richard asked, surprised that she had spoken.

"For today." She turned to him and flashed him a smile. He chuckled.

"I should be thanking you."

"No... Castle... If we survive today... There's something I need to talk to you about."

He stepped in front of her and put his hands on his shoulders, looking straight into her shiny green eyes.

"We are not going to die."

He slid his hands down her body, bending down, until he was on one knee in front of her and his hands were on her hips. He reached back with his right hand and took something out of his pocket.

"So. Since you are going to live, Lady Katherine Beckett, will you marry me?"

Kate bit her lip, feeling tears form in her eyes. He had asked and she hadn't even told him. He had asked and he didn't know.

"___Lanie, how can you be sure?"_

"___My mother taught me. If the mixture turns it red, you are with child. You must suspect, anyway."_

"It can only have been a week, maybe two... I just feel..."

___"You feel it. You would. Your insides are a little different, anyway."_

___"I can't be. I mean, I was sure I couldn't be. I thought-"_

___"You assumed the worst. As usual."_

___"Is it really the worst. Bringing a child into this world, is that really such a good thing?"_

___Lanie handed her the bowl of powder. Kate went back into her room and tipped it into the chamber pot._

___"It'll take a while," Lanie warned her. Kate stared into the pot, watching the powder, watching for what seemed like forever, until she saw the liquid begin to turn red. She gasped, and instinctively put a hand down to her flat stomach, marvelling at the thought of a person growing inside there. There was a tap on her bedroom door._

"___So?" Lanie asked. "You've been quiet for near a half hour."_

"___I... I am having his baby."_

"Yes," she whispered. Richard's face broke into a huge smile.

"Yes?"

Kate laughed through the tears that now trickled down her face. "Yes. Yes, Richard Castle, I will marry you."

Still in shock, he opened the little box with shaking hands and slid the ring onto her finger. Kate took his hands and pulled him to his feet and into a long, passionate kiss. She would tell him tomorrow. When they were through this, when they were safe. She hoped it was possible for him to be as happy as she was. She had never seen herself as a mother before meeting him, but now... The idea of a part of him, a part of them, growing inside her into a child was the most beautiful thing she could think of.

He had gone home for most of the morning. That was when she had spoken to Lanie. He'd sent Alexis and Martha back to the Manor. Whatever he said to her, Kate knew he was not stupid. He knew there was a risk, a huge risk...

They broke apart and adjusted their clothes. There was a tap on the door. Kate looked at her ring. It wasn't flashy, it was small and neat, but the diamond shone with a brightness that she had only seen matched in Richard's eyes.

"Come in," she said to Lanie. Lanie entered, and at once caught sight of the ring, probably because Kate was still admiring it.

"I can't say I'm surprised," she said. She almost spoke again, until she realised Kate couldn't have told Richard before he left, so he couldn't have known to propose... So he didn't know. She raised her eyebrows at Kate. Kate shrugged and made a 'talk-about-it-later' face.

Richard handed Kate her sword; Lanie smiled at the bitter-sweet feeling that always flooded through her at the thought of her dead lover and what he had left them. Kate strapped Javier to her belt. Lanie carried a much smaller blade; it took a lot of strength to wield a full sized sword. Richard had one, of course. Roy had one too, Kate knew. He kept it with his musket under the counter. Kate wasn't sure who would want to rob a bookshop, but she knew Roy was good with a blade.

Charlie was in the bookshop too, and Sally. Sally was sitting down, her face unreadable. Her arms curled protectively around her belly. Kate finally understood how she could love a thing that was half evil. Nothing would stop her loving the person growing inside her; she was sure Sally felt the same.

Sally caught her staring.

"Are you ready?" the girl asked. Kate nodded.

"We are."

Charlie winked at her. "See ya later, M'Lady. It's gettin' dark; me an' the kids'll be goin' now."

Kate nodded again. "You watch yourself," she said. Her tone was joking, but it hid more fear than she'd felt in a long time. She rubbed her scar; Richard saw this and his hand slid around her waist, holding her to him. She could feel the heat and strength of his body. It was almost as if he was sending it into her, helping her to be brave. Even though she was supposed to be the brave one.

"I'm so sorry I got you caught up in this-" she began quietly, but he silenced her with a look. A look that said 'I love you'. He did not need to do anything else.

"Then... Let's go," she said. Roy helped Sally up, but she seemed much stronger than she had been. They slipped out into the night. Kate ran the way she knew Charlie had gone, but there was no trace of him or the other children. They were good. She was glad.

Night had fallen completely; the dark and smog engulfed London. There was not even a moon; no stars were visible to guide them. Or to give them hope. Kate felt a hand take hers as she ran and the chill of the air disappeared from her body.

Richard squeezed Kate's hand and prayed to all the Gods there ever had been that he really would marry her one day. Kate bit her lip. She did not know what sort of person she was. Not really. She finally knew what it was like to love, and while it was as powerful and magical as everything she had ever read had told her, it was also dark. Love was a monster.

And what she was doing, tonight. Risking all these lives, putting them all in so much danger... Javier banged against her hip. She would kill tonight. If Kate searched her soul, she was not doing this to save lives. She was doing it to avenge her mother, and herself. She was doing it because she hated to live in fear. She was doing it because she wanted to be free.

Her reasoning was wickedly selfish. She was letting all these people risk their lives... for nothing more than her own.

They reached the house; it was in uproar. Kate wished Sally good luck and she walked around to the back door. Kate heard screaming and yelling as the children turned the house upside down. Children. She was risking the lives of _children. _Roy and Lanie ran towards the house, but Richard pinned Kate to the wall before she could follow them.

"You may have your own reasons for doing this. But stopping the dragon will save so many lives, prevent so much evil. You cannot think of yourself as selfish. You cannot think of anything you have done, anything you have done since he took you and tortured you, as selfish."

"How did you know what I was thinking?"

"Because I know you. You will not fight if you are worrying. Everyone here wants to be here. They all have their own reasons, I am sure. And why should you not be one of them?"

"Why? Because-"

He put a finger over her lips.

"What are you worth, Kate Beckett?"

Kate smiled at the recollection, the memory of what had followed when they'd had a conversation a bit like this before...

"_Tell me," he said gently. He made it so tempting. So reasonable._

"_I... You're too good for me," she whispered._

_He shoved her off him roughly. She had not been expecting that. Neither had he, from the look on his face. Definitely not innocent. He took hold of her upper arms and pushed her up the bed then looked down at her, very close to angry. Yet another layer. Another side she hadn't seen. Another side to cherish._

"_Don't ever say that again," he said, his voice low and dangerous. She blinked and narrowed her eyes. He might be good, but she wasn't giving in that easily._

"_You are," she said firmly._

_He kissed her hard, holding nothing back, not gentle, certainly not playful. She moaned softly and felt her insides turn to jelly. He took his mouth off hers._

"_Far too good..."_

_He got off the bed and began getting dressed. She sat up, confused._

"_Where are you going?"_

"_Home," he said shortly._

_"What? I thought you were staying."_

"_I won't make you uncomfortable."_

_"You don't."_

_"I was. You have some messed up idea about me being too good for you which is not only absurd but-"_

"You're really angry?"

"_Yes! I'm really angry!"_

_"But I... I just meant-"_

_"How can you be so strong and yet so clueless at the same time?"_

"_I'm not clueless."_

"You are. You have no idea... no idea. How good you are. You're... brilliant. You do more than anyone, you help so many people. No one is too good for you."

"_If you don't like what I think I don't have to tell you."_

"_You should tell someone. You should tell them so they can tell you that sometimes, you're wrong."_

_He had stopped getting dressed. She was standing in front of him, wearing nothing, staring him down, stubborn and proud._

"_What makes you right and me wrong?" she asked._

"_Nothing," he said. "But I am right."_

"_I know what I am."_

"_Then you must have a bizarre idea of what I am."_

_Kate continued to stare. She knew he would break. She took a step forward, closing the gap between them; she put her hands on his chest, keeping her focus on his eyes. He put his hands on her hips._

"_Do you want me to stay?" he asked._

"_You know I do."_

"_Want to know how to make me?"_

"_I already know," she said._

"_You going to do it?"_

"_Not sure yet."_

"_Let me persuade you."_

_"You think you will?"_

"Oh, I can be very persuasive," he said, guiding her back to the bed. He nudged her knees apart with his and sat her down on the edge of the bed. She blushed.

"_What?"_

_"Just... might have done this before."_

_"Was he good?"_

"_It was you."_

"_Kate, I, ah, think I would remem- wait – you mean you..?"_

_Kate grinned. "Might have been."_

"_Was I good?"_

_"Excellent."_

"_Remind me to ask you afterwards if this me is better."_

_"I think you'll remember."_

_"I think so too."_

_He waited. She lay back and thought. Or rather, tried not to think. It was funny how effective he could be by doing nothing. He saw her tense and put his hands on her knees, using them to push himself up to catch her eye._

_"Magic words, Kate."_

_Kate looked him up and down._

"_Priceless."_

_He smiled. "Who?"_

_"Everyone."_

"_And who in particular?"_

_Kate bit her lip. He really thought it. He really did. She wanted him so badly. Not just __in that way... She wanted him to be pleased with her. She wanted him to smile at her, to praise her, to be proud of her, to feel like he had helped her..._

"_Me."_

"I'm priceless," she said softly. Richard smiled at her.

"Do you mean that?"

Kate thought about it. She had to answer him honestly. She thought about how she felt when he was with her, when he looked at her. And how she felt when she thought about carrying his child, about marrying him, about their future, about _her _future. She wasn't sure how she felt about feeling it, but she did feel it. She was no worse than anyone else. Not even the dragon could make her feel that way any more.

"Yes."

He took her hand and they ran towards the house. They joined Roy and Lanie, who were watching Sally as she tapped on the back door. It didn't open, which was understandable. Sally gestured for them to come in behind her.

Kate felt slightly uncomfortable at Sally having to lead, but she was the only one of them who had been in the house before. It was huge. She led them through a large, clean kitchen. It was deserted, but they could hear shouting and fighting going on in another part of the house. Sally took them to a door leading to the servant's staircase. Lanie and Roy went to help the children. Kate and Richard followed Sally up the stairs.

They stayed silent, not speaking. It was too quiet. Surely there would be guards, servants? Kate couldn't believe there was no one in this part of the-

There was a crash behind her as Richard slammed his sword into the sword of a man dressed in black. A man who looked all too familiar... Richard seemed only to be planning to knock the man unconscious – until he lunged for Kate, and Richard's sword pierced his heart. There was a lot of blood in a man. Richard shuddered; Kate wiped her face.

"Come on," she whispered. Richard followed her and she followed Sally. They were in a main passageway now; Kate did her best to remember their route so she could take it to get out again, but it was not of utmost importance – the house had windows; they could break one and climb out.

Now that the first guard had appeared, there seemed to be an endless flow of them. Sally was much more of a fighter than Kate had anticipated, stabbing men twice her size with impressive speed and power. Kate was already slightly mistrustful of the girl, and her skill at... well, killing, did not do anything to change her mind.

"Where are we going?" she asked.

"His room. Bracken's. When I was in there... It has a reinforced door, and a lot more than just a bed. As if he's prepared for his house being attacked. It's just down here..."

Kate nodded, but as they rounded the corner they were greeted by ten more guards.

"At least we're in the right place," Richard muttered in her ear.

"You joke now too?" she asked him.

"I always joke. It's easy."

"You are insane," Kate said, but she was smiling. She couldn't help it; he banished her fear, replacing it with a whole mixture of other things. She had discovered that there was darkness in love... But there did not seem to be much darkness in Richard Castle. Even when he swung his sword to send the head of the first guard rolling, something in his eyes, the way he held his shoulders, the way his mouth fell into a firm, regretful line... This was a good man. Such a good man...

The fight was heating up more and more. Kate found herself separated from Richard; Sally stayed by the door, not getting involved unless she had to. While Kate did not blame her, it made her all the more sure that Sally was not being entirely honest with them.

She whirled Javi around her head. More guards were appearing, but none of them had anything like the skill that she or Richard possessed. She hated to kill them; every blow she delivered sent a pang to her heart, but it moved so quickly she hardly had time to think about what she was doing before someone else attacked her and she moved on to fight them.

Her body seemed to become more and more agile; she twisted and danced, getting barely a scratch as she overpowered her opponents. Her heart almost stopped when she heard a yell from Richard, but he was still standing; he had a small cut on his arm.

They were both tired by the time the guards were all dealt with. Sally was tapping on the door.

"It is no use, William," she said quietly. "Your home is overrun."

To Kate's surprise, the door began to open. She looked at Richard, but he had no answer to the question in her eyes. She gripped Javi more tightly and hoped Lanie, Roy, and the children were as unhurt as they were. The cut on Richard's left arm had stopped bleeding; she wished there was time for her to examine it, but the door was still opening. Sally stood before it confidently-

-as four more guards ran out and grabbed hold of Richard. Kate heard a terrifyingly familiar voice from inside the bedroom.

"Bring them in," it called. One of the guards held a knife to Richard's throat; it took nothing else to persuade Kate to follow them into the room.

"Good evening, Lady Beckett. How you have changed..."

It was him. It was the man who had held her captive, the man who had stabbed her. She had been kept in the dark, he hadn't shown her his face, but now he was speaking she could not mistake him. Richard struggled, but to no avail. He was strong, but he was not stronger than four men.

"Drop your sword, please," Bracken said. "He is a handsome man. It would be a great shame if anything were to happen to him."

Kate let Javi clatter to the floor. She felt strong arms grab her from behind, and was not entirely surprised when she realised they belonged to Sally. The girl's blood stained knife was at her throat.

"I am sorry," Sally muttered. "But 'e offered so much money."

"You're not carrying his child," Kate said. She should never have trusted her. Never. Looking back on it, it was clearly a trap. Everything, the threat... it was just what would lure her in, and the dragon knew it. Sally was just another girl from the gutter. She had still been used, she was still a pawn... But she was not an ally. She needed the money. Kate did not blame her. And she would do all she could not to kill her or the baby.

Kate could see the horror in Richard's eyes, and wished there was something she could do. Bracken approached him. Kate scanned the room. There were four more guards, and another door to a side room which could have any number more.

Richard watched the tall, strong man walk towards him. This was not a man who liked to hide in a bedroom. He wondered what had made the other man not partake in the fight sooner. He had a feeling he knew. He had a feeling that reason was standing on the other side of the room, wearing a ring he had given her only hours before.

The first punch to his gut was a surprise. By the second, he had realised what was happening. Kate was being punished. He should never have come. He did not want her to see this. He would die for her, gladly, but he would never let her see. She was strong, the strongest person he knew. But her heart was far from made of stone. Her scream when Bracken hit him hurt him more than the fist to the gut.

Bracken turned to Kate.

"Let her go," he said to Sally. He turned back to his guards.

"Kill him if she moves."

Bracken took Kate's left hand and smiled. "I thought I saw a diamond here. So the iron Lady finally fell in love?"

Kate forced herself to say nothing, to keep still.

"Answer me."

Kate said nothing. Bracken waved a hand at his guard; the guard delivered a blow to Richard's kidney which buckled his knees; he slammed into the floor.

"Answer me," Bracken said again.

"Yes," Kate said, staring at Richard, willing him to be strong, willing him to be strong until she could think of a way to save him.

"A shame. A great shame. Love is such a weakness, my dear. You make it so easy for me to remind you who is in control."

He walked back towards Richard and took a knife from one of the guards. He grabbed hold of Richard's hair and tipped his head back, then ran the knife along his exposed throat.

"You do a good job in this city," Bracken said to Kate. "It will not do for your focus to be compromised. And that is what this man is doing, is it not? You feel so free. You feel worth something. He makes you scream with ecstasy, you allow him to make love to you, you _let him in _in every way. You let him know you. All of you."

He took the knife away from Richard's neck and walked back to Kate, agonisingly slowly.

"I find myself rather jealous," Bracken said to Kate. "I never _knew _you like he does. Watching you, seeing that..." he took hold of her shoulders and pushed her down to pin her against the bed.

"Oh, bring them out," he added. "They should see this. They should see what their leader truly is. And the most interesting part is, Kate, I think a part of you, perhaps small, but a part of you will enjoy this."

Kate turned her head to see Lanie, Roy, and Charlie being led out of the side room, held by two guards each. Charlie yelled and struggled when he saw her; Roy was almost too injured to stand. Kate couldn't see Lanie's face, but her head was bowed. Broken. They might be alive, but she had killed them nonetheless.

Bracken took hold of her chin and forced her to look back at him.

"Look at me, Katherine," he said softly. A tear trickled down Kate's cheek. It had all been for nothing. She had worked it out, but it was still all for nothing.

"There is no dragon," she whispered. "It was you all along."

"Very good," he said, smiling. "At least you can die with the puzzle solved. Clever girl."

His hands ripped at her shirt. Though her eyes were open, her mind paid no attention to what they saw. She thought of another time, standing in her room, the sun peeping through the drapes onto the figure of the man she loved, lying in her bed-

"GO TO HELL," Richard screamed, grabbing the knife and stabbing it into its owner's throat. The other guards were too stunned for a moment to move; he used this time to kill another and break away from them, then throw Bracken off Kate. She picked up her sword and somehow found the strength to fight. Lanie broke away from her captors; Charlie too. Roy was too weak, but they dealt with the guards. Blood and screams and steel flew about the room.

Kate found herself face to face with Bracken; he was strong and powerful, a brilliant fighter. Javi fitted in her hands as well as ever, she was just as agile, but he was stronger, and he was not tired like she was. Kate had a horrible feeling, from what little she could make out in the rest of the room, that even Richard's strength and bravery would not be enough to save them.

Another blow and Javi was on the floor. She was on her knees in front of him; his sword was at her throat.

"I had hoped it would not come to this," Bracken said a little sadly. "But-"

Blood bubbled out of his mouth and he fell to the floor. Richard had stabbed him in the back. He held out a bloodstained hand to Kate; she took it, stunned to be alive.

"You are not alone this time," Richard said to her. Kate fell into his embrace and he held her for a moment, but had to let her go.

The guards were dead. Sally too. Lanie nursed a wounded leg; Roy was lying on the floor, alive but unconscious. And-

"Charlie!"

Kate ran to the limp, small body, but she could not rouse him. She felt for a pulse, but there was nothing. She let out a wail of agony, this little boy, this little boy had died, just so that she could live. She cradled him in her arms, and felt Richard's hand on her shoulder. Her clothes and hair were soaked with blood; the stench of death was so strong she almost had to hold her breath-

There was a shout from behind her, she whirled around instantly and plunged Javi into the heart of the man... The man who had just stabbed Richard in the stomach. Richard groaned as he stumbled to the floor; Kate grabbed a sheet from the bed and pressed it to his wound. She put her ear to his mouth. He was still breathing, just. She moaned with pain of her own as Lanie forced her to get up.

"We must go, burn the place before the watch get here."

Kate nodded, and began to break the gas lamps, shaking the fuel around the house. She forced herself not to think of the man lying on Bracken's bedroom floor as she went from room to to room. Kate lifted Richard; Lanie helped Roy. They had to leave Charlie inside. They left through the door they had entered by; Kate threw in a burning, fuel soaked cloth.

She watched the house erupt into flames; houses were built mostly of wood. Perhaps blood was easy to burn too. She staggered into the night and into Richard's waiting carriage; he was becoming heavier and heavier on her shoulder. But he was going to live. He had to live.

"You can't," she said to him, pressing on the cloth. "You can't die now, not now, not when I'm free, not when..."

Richard slowly moved his hand to take hers.

"I won't," he promised. "I'm here with you. Always."

Tears poured down Kate's cheeks as she listened to his even fainter breathing, and she wished she could believe him.

* * *

A/N: So... thoughts? As I said, love you, please review! (A few people have messaged me saying they don't like me asking for reviews. I don't want to argue with you - but I will say this. I only ask for reviews because it is my dream to be a 'real' writer, and it means a lot to me what people think of my writing. I love writing, and I would do it anyway, but your opinions are important to me. Even if you're Serena and your opinion is every chapter should be sex! xxx)


	36. Chapter 36

36

"_You can't," she said to him, pressing on the cloth. "You can't die now, not now, not when I'm free, not when..."_

_Richard slowly moved his hand to take hers._

_"I won't," he promised. "I'm here with you. Always."_

_Tears poured down Kate's cheeks as she listened to his even fainter breathing, and she wished she could believe him._

The driver, Kate didn't even know his name, took them directly to Richard's house. Lanie and Roy were collapsed, exhausted, against the seat. The children had scattered, there were none left in the house, but Kate had no idea what had happened to any of them. Any of them except Charlie. She knew exactly where Charlie was, or where Charlie had been, left for the flames to engulf his small body.

She let out a moan of despair as Richard's eyes began to close. The pulsing of blood coming out of the wound in his torso had slowed, but Kate had a horrible feeling this was due to massive blood loss rather than her pathetic efforts having done anything to help him.

"I love you," she said, immediately regretting it. It had been the kind of 'I love you' that was the last one, the kind that was said because someone wanted it to be in the thoughts of the person they loved as the person they loved-

No. He was not going to die. He had promised.

"I love...you...too," Richard groaned, his eyes still shut.

"Do not try to talk," she whispered. "I know that you do."

Richard smiled weakly. "I... have to talk. In your voice... I heard... you think I will die. But I will not."

Kate pressed the now sodden cloth even more tightly to his body, but said nothing.

"Tell me, Kate. Lady Beckett... Tell me you believe me."

Kate bit her lip. "I..."

"Think... Think about it," Richard gasped. "You are free. He... the man who has... terrorised you... is dead. You... you have won. So you must have faith. You must... you must have faith that I will live."

"But-"

Richard somehow managed to take Kate's hand. He squeezed it as tightly as he could – which was not very tight, but Kate still felt the effort.

"I believe you," she said through her tears. "I believe in you, Castle. You will live."

He smiled. "You see... It is not so hard... for a man to bend you to his will."

Kate chuckled in spite of herself, which she knew had been Richard's intention. She leaned down to kiss his cheek.

"Only one man," she whispered in his ear. He smiled more.

"Good," he muttered. Kate felt the carriage slow down. They were at his house. She was hugely relieved Alexis and Martha were not there. Lanie helped Roy inside; the driver helped Kate to carry Richard. He tried to hide his pain, but he could not stop the blood curdling yell that escaped him when they lifted him down from the carriage, and it sent a chill right through Kate's heart.

They put him on the dining room table and Kate hurried to get clean cloths. Ryan, the butler, appeared and silently helped, asking no questions. Kate wouldn't have been able to answer any if he had, even if she had wanted to. Richard drifted in and out of consciousness. Ryan pressed something into Kate's hand; a little flask.

"To make him more comfortable," Ryan said quietly. Kate felt yet more tears flow out of her eyes. She nodded.

"Leave us?" she asked. Rick was all bandaged up; the wound was pressed as tightly as it could be; she had cleaned him up and placed a pillow under his head. Ryan disappeared.

Kate sniffed the liquid in the flask. Laudanum. She had had it, once. A particularly nasty gash when she had been learning how to fight overseas. She kissed Richard's cheek.

"I am going to lift your head; you can swallow."

"What... what is it?" Richard asked.

"Laudanum," Kate said softly. "To help with the pain."

Richard forced his eyes wide open. "Or to ease my passing?" he asked Kate, looking at her so she could not hide anything she was thinking. Kate forced herself to be strong. She grinned.

"Either. I am simply sick of the moaning and groaning."

Richard smiled. "If I... have a choice in the matter, I would rather not have it."

"Why?"

"If... If I am to die... I want to die thinking of you."

This earned him a kiss, but Kate still thought he should take it.

"You will not die."

"You... you look worse than I do," Richard managed to say. "How about... If I agree to take... some, you will... take some too?"

Kate rolled her eyes. "You cannot be serious."

Richard looked levelly at her. She sighed, then took a swig from the flask.

"Happy?" she said, going to lift his head and tip some down his throat too.

He swallowed. "I am now... Almost. Lie with me?"

Kate raised her eyebrows. "On the table?"

"It... It is a big table."

Kate shrugged, then went to close the door of the room. "As you wish," she said, undoing her belt, kicking off her boots and undressing down to just her blood stained shirt. She could feel the world beginning to spin a little. She sat on the edge of the table, then swung her legs up and lay beside Richard. She closed her eyes.

"Do not even think about dying before I wake up, Sir Richard," she said quietly.

"Bossy," he muttered. "Why.. should I not?"

"Because in the morning, we are having serious words."

"What... what did I do now?"

"Well, for one thing, getting yourself stabbed. Completely idiotic."

"I... I do apologise."

"And I have something else to tell you," Kate said, her voice a little slurred.

"You had better... be quick..." Richard slurred back.

"You are going to be a father. Again."

He didn't answer.

"Castle? You haven't died, have you?"

There was a pause. "No," he said. "But... Perhaps it is the drugs... because... I could have... Did you just tell me you are with child?"

Kate smiled. "Yes."

"Definitely... Having words in the morning."

"I look forward to it," Kate said, taking his hand.

She slept for 12 hours at least, and only woke up when Lanie gently shook her shoulder. She groaned and sat up, her back aching from spending the night lying on a table. She sighed with relief when she heard Richard's breathing, much steadier and stronger than it had been the night before.

"We have to keep the wound clean," she heard herself say to Lanie. "So it doesn't get infected."

Lanie stared at her. "Lady Beckett, are you alright?"

Kate blinked. "Yes. Yes, fine. Why?"

"You are covered in blood. And you seem..."

"I took, I mean, Richard wanted me to take Laudanum too..."

Lanie laughed. "You, Kate, need a bath."

Kate looked at Richard, then down at her blood caked hands.

"I can bring you some water and something to wear?" Lanie suggested. Kate nodded.

"Thank you..."

"And maybe some water to drink as well?"

Lanie left before Kate answered to fetch the things for Kate to wash with. Kate's eyes were back to being fixed on Richard. She turned so she was facing him and linked the fingers of her right hand through the fingers of his, feeling his pulse. It was stronger than the night before, she was sure.

She rubbed something on her left hand. Something that had been there all through the night before, something that had been there... since he had put it there. The ring. The ring that meant... the ring that meant he was going to live. She slid her hand under her shirt and pressed it to her abdomen. There was something there which meant he was going to live, too.

Richard's eyelids fluttered.

"Am I dead?" he muttered. Kate laughed.

"Only if I am too."

"Maybe... maybe I am in heaven and you are an angel."

"I do not think angels are this dirty."

Richard grinned. "Mine are."

Kate laughed loudly. "If you were not wounded, I would hit you."

"Go... go for it. I can take it."

Kate rolled her eyes, then leaned down to kiss him.

"Last... last night," he said into her mouth. She moved away to let him speak. "Last night... did you... did you say you were..."

"Going to have a baby?"

Richard murmured in the affirmative.

"Yes, I did," Kate said, smiling.

Richard struggled to reach up with his hand to touch her stomach. She moved closer to let him; he brushed his fingers over her stomach, then rested his hand on her thigh. They stayed that way for a few more minutes.

"Alexis, my mother..?" Richard asked, suddenly thinking of them.

"You will know as soon as we have word for them. They are on the way to Castle Manor."

"Stupid name," Richard muttered. Kate laughed.

"I could not agree more."

"Beckett?"

"Yes, Castle?"

"You'll stay with me?"

"Always."

* * *

A/N: Thanks for reading, sorry I took so long to update! Laudanum is a form of opium, by the way, which is like 1800s heroine. Laudanum is weaker though - people even sometimes took it as a painkiller for things like sore throats! Please review, love you xxx


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